She had deep blue eyes, peering out of her oval-shaped face contrasting her fair Asian skin. She’s beautiful. It’s as if I was taking a sip out of the ice-cold river in the middle of a hot sweltering summer night.
David Deida, a progressive thinker in masculinity and femininity introduced the idea that different women have different ‘temperatures’ that can irritate you or heal you. I didn’t really buy the idea early on thinking he was on to some esoteric new age bullshit.
However, recently, I can see this concept play out in my own dating life. Opposite qualities attract. There is a level of truth to the how masculinity and femininity interact on this level.
Earlier in my teenage years, I was a lot more laid back and carefree in my life. I worked out well with a high performing student. She was directed, had huge aspirations for in her career and headstrong.
Her drive and my laid-backness was a good mix. She and I complimented each other. She micromanaged and helped me out the details whilst I sat back and got her to see the ‘bigger picture’.
You can argue she had a hotter temperature that complimented my ‘cooler’ temperature.
However, these days, my life has changed. Sometimes, my work is akin to a pressure cooker. I found myself enjoying my social interactions with Chinese and Japanese ladies. They are said to have a cooler temperament.
Whereas I found the temperament of Singaporean women, Korean women unsuitable. Their temperaments lean towards fiery and tempestuous, often rubbing up against my quick temper.
There are many things that I keep track and am accountable for in my day to day life, measuring my paid advertising campaigns, looking at key performance indicators and statistics…
Years ago, I would never have bothered with that much commitments in my life. However, these are my current values and lifestyle. Many a time, my day is very much mechanical and dry.
These are traditionally ‘masculine’ activities. Keeping yourself accountable on my projects, working out at the gym, approaching girls, being clear-headed and directed, not letting yourself relax in the sea of emotions. They are often mechanical and utilitarian.
These days, I’m out with on a date with a woman, I don’t want to be faced with a fiery-tempered woman. I don’t need her to be over the top argumentative our conversations. I want a lady that I can relax into, that makes me feel comforted, almost as if it’s a well-deserved break from the daily grind of working on my projects.
When your life is challenging and you feel burnt out, a woman with a hot temperament might be too much. You may be more drawn to the soothing gaze and touch of a cool woman.
This is true for me. Yes, many of them are intelligent, focused and passionate. They are able to fulfill my intellectual need for debate and curiosity. However, it just didn’t feel right. It’s fire rubbing up against fire.
On the other hand, if you’re an easy going individual, perhaps someone who has difficulty getting motivated, then a ‘hot’ woman is probably better for you. Her fiery nature can give you a boost and get you moving.
How to Get Your Needs for Feminine Energy Met
Over the last year, I find myself balancing this pent up frustration in my head through beer and lighter forms of food.
Now, you may think I’m on to some esoteric bullshit. However, to help you understand this better, you can use your relationship with food as an example. Some of you may thrive on spicy food, while others are healed and soothed with cooling like porridge, salads, and milk. I tend to stay away from spicy food unless there’s a particular craving. I often stick to plain, soothing traditional Chinese food such as noodles and congee.
Just like your needs for a feminine presence, your need for different kinds of food will change depending on the circumstances.
You can also alter the way you dress, keeping your body cooler and wearing more breathable clothing. For someone that lives in a country located on the equator, lighter clothing is extremely helpful. You can also take walks along beaches and parks, natural environment that soothes the senses.
I find myself visiting the bars by the beach to have a beer over the course of last year. You can also get a professional massage from a woman with cooling energy. I personally go for a professional massage once a week.
If you’re in a committed relationship, you’ll need to decide and figure this out, and get your needs met through methods that do not involve cheating. This are ways you can get your needs for feminine energy met without needing to pursue or have sex with a ‘cooler’ woman.
Traditional masculine traits such as ambition, technical skills can put you under a lot of pressure. When you’re under pressure, you’ll seek to balance your pent up energy and frustrations with feminine energy.
Ultimately, you must decide how to get your need for feminine energy met. The energy that fills your body with life, lighten your load, heals your rough edges and soothes your warrior spirit.
Marcus Neo – #1 Dating Coach in Asia