Regardless of whether you’re on your first date or your thirtieth date, one thing that will make or break your success is your contribution to the conversation.
Now there may be some women out there who don’t care whether you can count to 50 or have something worthwhile to say, and if that’s the type of gal you’re going for, then good for you. However, if your sole objective is getting this girl’s attention, and her heart, then you may want to analyze the topics of conversation that you’re bringing to the table.
I’ve showed you how to pick the perfect place for a first date, but a date can still go horribly wrong and a girl can lose serious interest if you say the wrong thing. Most men fear the ‘lull’ in the conversation but what you should fear is the actual impression you are giving off by the topics that you talk about incessantly (even if you don’t mean to).
What are these topics?
Here’s a list:.
Part 1) What not to talk about on a first date
First were going to hit the topics you should not talk about. Now some of these topics may sound great to you, but in reality it is the nature of how you talk about them that may be your downfall. So here are some topics (or way you approach them) to avoid on that first date:
1) Traveling (just read)
We get it; you’re a man who is gloriously plagued with the curse of wanderlust. We love a good travel story and we love hearing where you’ve been; we just don’t want to hear about it EVERY TIME we hang out with you.
Instead of telling us how your travels abroad opened your mind and your heart, why don’t you show us? A well-traveled man who is an arrogant, egotistical asshole is still just an asshole, regardless of where he’s been.
If You Must Talk About It: If traveling is a major interest to you why not ask her about her travels? There’s a probability that she’s had to work her ass off and hasn’t had the chance to travel, so in that case, ask her where she’d like to travel when she gets the time. If she’s been multiple places ask about her favorite experiences; then you can share yours.
Bottom line: open up a MUTUAL conversation. She’ll be much more interested about your naked backpacking trip through the hills of Switzerland if she feels that you’re genuinely interested in her as well.
2) You’re new toy purchases
Though it’s a cliché, most women really don’t care about cars, stereo systems and computer games. If she does, well then, you’re a lucky duck.
While you may think that your purchases showcase your technological savvy, it really just goes over our heads (not in a, ‘we’re not as smart as you’ way but in a ‘I don’t even care to let that inhabit my temporal lobe’ sort of way).
There are things about our lives that you might not be interested in as well. Unfortunately, you sometimes have to listen to us because that’s what men are supposed to do. It’s unfair; AND you have every right to say that to her the next time she demands your attention to her new shoes, but loses interest in the new woofers you just bought (they are called woofers right?).
If You Must Talk About It: Just make it applicable to the conversation. Find out what her interests are and showcase your proficiency through that topic. Maybe she likes a new band and you are familiar with the equipment they use at shows. Maybe she volunteers at a nursing home and you can tell her how retired vets are using video games as therapy (http://www.military.com/benefits/2014/04/09/video-games-show-promise-as-therapy.html). The possibilities are endless.
3) Your family or heritage
At some point in the relationship we are going to want to make sure your family isn’t in a sacrificial cult that sticks bamboo splinters underneath the nail beds of each girl you bring home; I mean we have to date smart. However, if you prattle on endlessly about your “Danish” heritage you’ll see your date attempting to jump out of the bathroom window while shouting “Danke schön, farvel!”
It’s not that we don’t want to know where you come from and of course some people value their heritage, but there is more to you than that. Tell us who YOU are, not who you think you will be because you’re predisposed to alcoholism, intuition and heart disease because you’re a third generation Celtic warrior’s descendant.
And we know you love your mom, but please keep the emotion under control. We don’t want to hear your bounteous thoughts on your mother, whether negative or positive, all night. The Oedipal complex has some plot holes but it still makes us shudder in our bandage dresses.
If You Must Talk About It: Your date will inevitably ask you about your family, it’s best just to wait for that cue. However, if talking about your heritage is absolutely vital to showing her who you are and she hasn’t asked yet, go ahead and ask her about hers in order to open up the conversation. This can be tricky however; some people don’t have a heritage (we are just pretty mutts that have successfully assimilated within the melting pot of America over the years).
4) Your Exercise Routine
This is the quintessential example of “pictures speak louder than words”. If we see that you’re muscular, we will assume you work out. We love that you’re healthy; we LOVE that. However, workout routines are a personal thing and not everyone gives a sh** about yours.
It’s like the allegory of the bacon cheeseburger; we want to take a bite out of those juicy pieces of meat, but we don’t want to hear the pig and the cow talk about their quads and reps prior to the serving plate. I think I misquoted that allegory, but you know what I meant.
If You Must Talk About It: You don’t have to blatantly quote LMFAO with “I work out!” If you want her to know you’re a fitness fan just mention a funny thing that happened while you were at the gym. She’ll hear the word “gym” and be impressed and if the story is funny enough, you’ll get bonus points for making her laugh.
Maybe you’re not in the best shape of your life and you’ve just started working out AND you want her to know that. Understandable. Start out with talking about what inspired you to get fit. Maybe someone in your family had a health scare, or you wanted to inspire a friend. Those are both great reasons to get fit and she’ll love that you shared that personal story with her.
Avoiding bringing up these topics as most men do on a first date can go a long way. But even though you know what not to talk about, that still doesn’t do much for the night.
Here are some great topics, with questions, for what to talk about on a first date. Enjoy..
Part 2: What to Talk About on a First Date
We know nothing makes your heart race and hands sweat more than a first date. That first initial hour-and-a-half long meeting says a lot about you. And a girl usually ends things that night if she doesn’t think it’s going anywhere. There aren’t a lot of ‘well I’ll give him a second chance’ type of women. We just don’t have a lot of time for that—neither do you. So if you really like a girl, and want to make a great impression, it pays to know some key points of discussion in order to avoid those awkward moments and dull conversations.
This date is the first time you are really going to show a girl who and what you’re all about. Better make it good.
We’ve covered some subjects that you shouldn’t necessarily opine nor ramble on about excessively. Hopefully, this shouldn’t make you feel cut off at the verbal knees. There are plenty of ways to keep the conversation going and ensure a second date—assuming you want one. Additionally, a first date is all about finding out about the other person, that’s no secret. So, what should you talk/ask her about in order to find out?
“What do you splurge on?”
Ask this with a smile. And be prepared to answer it yourself.
We aren’t talking about money here; a splurge is not a reflection of your income. There’s no risk of offending each other. A splurge is something that you put value on because it brings you happiness. How she answers this will show a lot about her and open up into further conversation.
“Do you get to see your family a lot?”
This is a question that she will quickly shut down if she wants to and you won’t offend her or make things awkward. If she’s a level-headed gal, she’ll open and close the subject gracefully. If not, she’ll open up and give you a good indication of whether she has daddy issues or has a mom who is her hero.
“Do you plan to stay here?”
This is a crucial question and is a bonus as a preventative way to reduce heartache if something were to blossom between you. It will open up a great conversation about how she views her hometown (assuming it’s a hometown) or what she values in a city, i.e. mountains, beach, family-friendly.
4) Concerts. Not music.
“What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to?”
It’s way better than asking “What kind of music do you like?” which is very sixth-grade. You’ll find out more about her, maybe she likes concerts with noise and good beer. Maybe she loves festivals or calm, serene concertos in a theater hall. Either way, asking this will get you more familiar with her musical and cultural tastes.
5) Relationship status
“Why haven’t you been snatched up yet? How does a girl like you stay single?”
Who are we kidding, we all want to know if he or she is a crazy nut case who has left a trail of broken dreams and minds in her/his wake. Don’t just throw this question or conversation starter out randomly. Find a good spot for it, but MAKE SURE you ask it. It’s a courteous and complimentary way to find out her deal.
Maybe she just moved here, maybe she isn’t interested in marriage, or maybe she’s psychotic and can’t maintain a normal relationship with all the controlling crazy she has in her mind.
What you will most likely find, is that the reason she is still single is because she has standards and she doesn’t want to settle. She’s independent, knows her value and has no time for men who don’t know theirs. That’s a HUGE possibility and I say that as a married woman.
The main point when having a conversation on a first date is to be natural. Women will quickly sense a forced façade and you’ll end up wasting your time. Even if you do get a second date, eventually you’re going to have to show who you really are. You’re great, so be yourself from the beginning and make your wallet and life lighter.
Simply said, there’s a great way to incorporate who you are, and where your interests lie, during conversation. And while this list may seem biased (women do similar things, I know), it’s important to give a genuine interest in any date. Even if you don’t plan on seeing that person ever again, the respect and conversation you brought to the table will go a long way in giving you a great reputation. You never know whom a woman may be friendly with.