Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
We’ve grown up being taught that both the genders are meant to be as different as chalk and cheese. They experience, express and perceive things physically and emotionally on different levels altogether.
For instance, research shows that an average male uses more than 7,000 words per day while women can go up to 20,000. Most of the words spoken by men focus on facts whereas, for women, it includes a lot more like narrating their experiences to other people, re-telling stories to children or recapping television episodes etc.
Men listen more and use the information for problem-solving. Women, on the other hand, like to use it as a bonding exercise and hence, they tend to get miffed when men seem to zone out during conversations.
This is one simple element that also tells us why a man’s brain operates in a different way when it comes to maintaining intimacy, where men tend to use more actions instead of words! Women, on the other hand, can easily express their feelings and intimacy by establishing a deep emotional connection.
And I digress.
Coming back to the topic, intimacy goes beyond just sexual intercourse because in that case, it becomes a case of physical intimacy. Let’s find out what it means for men with the following pointers:
It is All Hormonal
Men are blamed for focusing solely on physical intimacy, which makes emotional intimacy take a backseat.
But the truth is that men do participate in and enjoy multiple forms of intimacy, which includes intellectual intimacy, experiential intimacy, emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. However, it is assumed that they tilt to only one particular type of intimacy and that is, physical intimacy.
This is exactly what one of the greatest shows of all-time, Netflix’s Mad Men too depicts. Don Draper for instance, experiences a wide range of intimacy with the different women in his life. While he is emotionally intimate with Anna Draper and has physical intimacy with a number of women throughout the series, he is intellectually intimate with Peggy Olson.
Another reason why women experience intimacy differently is that they have higher oxytocin levels, which is a type of bonding hormone. Men tend to release a high level of this hormone around their orgasms. Therefore, it is usually after a close physical experience they feel more emotionally closer to their partners. This reflects in a quote by Dame Barbara Cartland, who said: “Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.” It can be said that they communicate better by using sex as a medium.
Moreover, they experience emotions less intensely than womenfolk do and even if they do experience it, they may express it in a way different manner.
According to an article published on PsychologyToday, men tend to convert one feeling into another. In particular, they convert what is stereotypically feminine feeling like sadness and vulnerability into anger or pride. These emotions have been associated with them from time immemorial and are more accepted by us as a society.
That does some explaining!
Men Do Have a Greater Need for Appreciation
They will never admit it, but men hesitate from discussing their needs when it comes to intimate relationships. While this stems from how they are conditioned from childhood, they do have need for emotional intimacy, especially in the form of appreciation by their partners. Let’s not forget the fact that men have frail egos and appreciation them on and off keeps it afloat, whether they are praised at work or thanked profusely by their friend and family.
Ergo, they want to be cheered for the efforts they are putting, especially during “the act”. They would like to know what do their partner find more attractive about them and how they are doing great. It makes them feel more connected.
At the same time, when you respect a man and approve of the things he does, big or small, it will mean a lot. They will feel respected and therefore, find it easier to trust and love you.
They Take Time to Open Up Emotionally
We’ve talked about how the society views men and their actions, some of which are labeled as “weak”. Nevertheless, there are chinks in the armor and men to open up emotionally but to the right person and the right time. Speaking of which, they may take a lot of time to open up on an emotional level. Remember Wall-E anyone?
Because guys’ brains are hard-wired to handle fewer emotions than women, they cannot cope when there’s a head rush of emotions such as immediately after having sex. This is why they will need to take a breather and want space to sort out the flow of emotions. That answers why do men need space after sex or after they go through any other emotional upheaval.
Men are complex creatures and every man is different. This means you can never judge the man or men in your life based on only a handful of facts. Instead, you need to take these into consideration and accept that they are unique beings. The key lies in understanding the subtle and not-so-subtle differences. What’s your take on men and intimacy? Let us know by commenting.
Sandy Funches is a freelance writer who enjoys writing. Writing is of utmost importance to her as doing so helps her educate people by spreading her knowledge of woman’s health, sex & relationship, and vaginal rejuvenation topics.