Think a Girl is Out of Your League? Think Again. [From Her]

This article is written by Christina Hart and is part of our “From Her” series. Christina is very attractive girl with a lot of experience in the dating world. She is here to share her knowledge to help men who struggle approaching good looking girls.

Think a girl is out of your league? Think again…

So you think certain girls are out of your league?

Why? Is it because you think they’re too “hot” for you? Too smart? Too sophisticated? Or do you just think you could never have a chance with a girl who looks that good?

Believe it or not, I’m here to tell you otherwise.

No girl is out of your league. If you’re a stand-up guy who treats women well, you should have more confidence than that.

As a woman, it’s flattering if any man approaches you. And as an attractive girl, I’m telling you that most men don’t approach us. If I’m ever interested in a guy, I usually have to approach him.


Why is this?

I’ve asked around and the answers astounded me.

Most men I know tell me that it’s actually because they’re intimidated (gasp!). Of me?! I ask. Why? They say that the number one reason they don’t approach a good-looking woman is that they think she’s out of their league.

That’s ridiculous. And both of you can lose out that way.


Here’s my point

You have a 50/50 shot of getting the girl’s number. But that’s only IF you ask for it.

I’m open to giving a guy my number just because he had the balls to approach me and ask for it. A real man goes after what he wants, and I like that. And so do a lot of women I know.

So get the idea out of your head that she’s too good for you when you haven’t even spoken to her yet. Maybe you’ll go up to her and discover she’s not good enough for you. Either way, finding out is better than wondering what if.

So put on your big boy boxers (or briefs) and go up to her already.

If you find yourself attracted to a woman, and she glances at you, chances are she is attracted to you too and wants you to approach her.

If you get a little smile, that’s a GREEN light! How do men miss this signal?! We flash it as obviously as we can. But most of the times, he stays put. And then we’re left thinking he just wasn’t that interested.

It all starts with ‘hello’ guys.

Just one simple word. Hi.

So if you’re feeling froggy then leap. Nothing’s better than when you see a guy you’re interested in and he actually follows through with a greeting. It opens the door for communication. Even though things have changed when it comes to dating, thanks to technology (not), most women prefer the traditional route. We think…if he’s interested, he’ll try. So when you don’t, well, you get the hint.

What’s the worst that could happen?

She gives you a fake number? Tells you she has a boyfriend? Politely declines your advance?

Most “hot” girls are more down to earth than you think. And even more have insecurities of their own.

So either way, your approach will be flattering and endearing. And it will make you ten times more of a man than the rest of them who don’t say anything at all.

– Christina Hart

So there you have it boys. If you see a girl you want, approach her.

1) It shows balls, and girls want a man who goes after it.

2) You don’t have a chance unless you try.

3) Who cares! Life is short, just go for it.

MORE: So You Think She’s Out Of Your League

A Lovely Ladyhttp://www.menprovement.com
This post was written by a lady who wants to give men a sneak peak on what women want. Enjoy it!


  1. “This post was written by a lady who wants to give men a sneak peak on what women want”

    Yeah, right, What a joke. Women don’t know what they want, but I do, so let me tell you. Women enjoy feeding their egos by rejecting men. I actually sat in a restaurant booth behind 4 women who were having a contest to see who could entice the most men to come over and talk to them, and then reject them harshly. I overhead two women at work plotting on how to falsely accuse a colleague of sexual harassment so they could get him fired. We’ve all seen women doing this in the news recently, and every guy knows another guy to whom this has happened.

    So what do women really want? To have complete and utter power and dominance over men. That’s it. Guys, if you can’t see that you’re blind. The only way to defeat them at this game is not to play. Don’t look at them, talk to them, approach them, or acknowledge they exist in any way. Completely ignore them at all times and in all places. It’s the only way to protect yourself. If you want to have sex, pay a hooker (the only honest women out there).

    Don’t fall into any of the traps this women is trying to lead us into.

    • Well that escalated quickly
      Saying that all women are manipulative bitches is exactly like saying that all men are horny jerks who would do anything to get into bed with women.

      Neither of witch is true, these women you’ve mentioned do exist, and they’re very horrible people. But, not all women are like that, “Completely ignore them at all times and in all places” is a very extreme ‘solution’ to the problem, the solution is to man up and not give two fucks if a girl you’ve approached rejects you. Or even better, by every rejection you have, you’ll learn better how to read women, and how to spot manipulative gestures, even that requires a learning process that takes time and experience and LOT of failures, and the key to all of these is having confidence and not giving a fuck.

      As for your second scenario ‘false accusations’ then you already said that it’s false, it could happen to you even if you’ve never approached them, so again, man up, and fight accusations with facts. it’s your battle against these two particular women, it’s not against all women.

  2. well why bother with wonen anyways, i have not had a partner in 15 years, because my ex died of cancer, and because of this i will be alone the rest of my life, there is no point to stay on online dating sites if i caNT EVEN GET 1 DATE, 8 YEARS ON DATING SITES AND NOT ENEN 1 DATE WITH ANY WOMEN, THEY ARE THE ONES WITH THE PROBLEM AND THEY NEED A BRAIN TRANSPLANT,

  3. Guys, one of the biggest problems i see while reading these comments are that nobody seems to understand, you have to be able to somewhat read body language and signals. For instance, eye contact is very important, it’s the keys to the soul! I always make a mental check list if i see a women i like and want to approach them, this will increase your chances dramatically. When you observe that most of these things have been checked, then go for it and more so then not, you will get their number and they will genuinely be interested!

    I was never good at approaching girls at a young age but after i joined and got out of the military, it became so easy! While in the military i learned to read body language and assess signs, it’s the same with women.
    Try to make eye contact, if she looks at you more than a couple of times, CHECK. Then smile at her and see if she smiles back, CHECK. What is she doing while she is looking at you and smiling? Is she playing with her hair? Does she start to giggle if shes with friends? CHECK. All these things start to build a mental picture and tell you if she is interested or not. If you see some or most of these things then your chances are greater than 50/50 more like 80/20. Practice at home in the mirror on your opening, keep it simple. This is an example of what i do, i’ll go up to a women and tell her i noticed her and i think shes gorgeous, she blushes and says thank you or i noticed you too or thank you, you’re very handsome as well. The opening part is out of the way, now ask her if she comes here often and if you guys click then the rest is history.

    Making well informed choices when trying to talk to a women will net you more positive results and in return build your confidence. I do not agree that you should just go up to every women you think is attractive and leave it to fate! Too many rejections could be detrimental to your confidence. Learn some of these basic queues.

    I like to meet women organically, meaning the old fashioned way, a good way to practice is to use one of these dating websites as a tool. Sign up and see what kind of women are interested in you and more than not you will be surprised that there are gorgeous women that let you know you’re attractive, this should tell you that you’re not as ugly as you think you are. This will help you to start your confidence building foundation.

    Once you have nailed the previous mentioned advice and you start having success with getting your first few dates, don’t let it be ruined by your lack of confidence. My confidence has ruined many opportunities in the past, until i started changing how i think about myself, this takes great inner reflection and is not easy. You have to tell yourself to just be you! and girls have told me that’s all they want. If they are genuine and really like you, it’s going to work out. If it doesn’t work then she wasn’t good enough for YOU! Not the other way around.

    I hope this helps someone. Just remember, be yourself, love yourself, and make the effort to build your confidence and improve yourself. Negativity will ruin you, think positive and positive things will happen! Don’t just give up and feel sorry for yourself or blame it on feminism or all the women are turning lezbo. You wan’t a gorgeous women you believe you deserve? Then put some time and effort into a little research.

  4. Whats the worst that could happen? Hope. You could give us hope. Hope that love might actually exist. Hope that some part of those Disney moves might be true. Hope that one day we could know happiness or joy.

    You give us your number and we excitedly call you to ask you out on a date and reach “Fred’s Dry Cleaning”. Hope destroyed is worse than never asking and never hoping.

    Love is dead and gone forever from the world. Women killed it along with men’s souls.

  5. Guys – never take relationship advice from a woman. They do not know what they want. But they do enjoy feeding their egos by harshly rejecting men. This advice leads you right into that trap. Women today are toxic and dangerous. One false accusation could ruin your life. Don’t look at them, approach them, talk to them, and for heaven’s sake don’t date them. Treat them like you would a poisonous snake, coiled and ready to strike. That’s what they are.

  6. Since some of us are guaranteed outright rejection by every woman every time, there is no point in asking any woman out in the first place. I don’t fear rejection because I know that it’s guaranteed – I accept that every time I approach a woman, no matter who she is, it is 100% assured to happen- so I just don’t open myself to it. If there was even a tiny chance that a woman would say yes, I’d enthusiastically ask her out – but there is no chance of that, so I never say anything.

  7. This article really got me thinking about how online dating may give guys who approach women in person for dates an edge in the game these days. W/ it being so easy to cop out of manning up and introducing oneself to a women in person, it is probably less often something that even the most attractive women are use to occuring. So when it does, she sees a man who is now bucking the trend, going old school and showing he has some guts. “Confidence”…. a word that many women claim they can’t resist a man possessing it, a man who oozes it and isn’t afraid to approach her out of the blue and go out on a limb to have a chance with her.

    I am starting to look at it like this: Online dating is getting so popular, women are not getting asked out much at all. But, many great women may still want to be. They desperately want a guy to approach them, introduce themselves, strike up a nice little conversation and look into their eyes as they ask them fro their a date/their #. You can’t look into a girls eyes, and vice versa, through the internet. If you can do that, if you can actually say her name so she can HEAR IT, and look into her eyes so she can SEE, that creates a true physical and emotional connection. Right off the bat, just by doing that you are 100X better off than having just found a match on Tinder or reply to a OKCupid message.

  8. There’s no point in dreaming of asking for any girl’s number when you can’t even say hello in the first place. Nope, not even a distant possibility for a painfully shy introvert like me – I’m completely invisible to women.

  9. This piece completely ignores the fact that asking a woman for her number is a huge – potentially irreversible – risk for guys. We live in a world where an unwanted advance could get a man fired, jailed, or permanently labeled as a sexual deviant. No sane man is going to put that much on the line for a chance at a date. Sorry ladies, with things as they are, there’s no way I’ll risk my job, freedom or reputation for any woman.

    • Hold on….How in holy hell will you get arrested or labeled a “sexual deviant” for asking a girl for her number. First, you don’t just say “Hey give me your #” or “Let me get your #”. No, first introduce yourself, ask her about her life, does she have BF/husband? Get a feel for if she seems to like you. Then, if you feel their is a positive rapport, ask her for her # and text her your #(so she has it, not b/c she might’ve given you a fake #). Then tell her you’ll give her a call/text sometime in near future.

      And to refute any arguments to what I wrote: First issue – she might be underage. Well as long as you were a gentleman about the situation, then you still committed no crime
      Second issue – Getting fired is a possibility if you did something while on the clock. Ok, well first off, get a lawyer because I’d like them to prove you weren’t getting her # to sell her your car or giving her the # to a Dr who is good specialist because she said she had back problems.

      If you want to let you’re interpretation of today’s society make you be too scared to ask a girl on a date, go ahead. But, I have to say it sounds inane on several levels.

      • Ryan have you not been paying attention lately? Plenty of men have been arrested, wrongfully convicted, and thrown in jail or kicked out of school just for saying “hi” to a woman. That’s how they are these days. A woman has nothing, and I mean nothing, to offer that justifies taking this kind of risk with my life.

  10. This is great advice for guys who have a chance of getting a yes from a woman. For those like me who could never attract any woman no matter what however, this is of no consequence. “Ask her out. If you ask her out, she will say yes or no…” I am constantly told. The fact is, there is zero point bothering when there is a 100% probability of “no” every time no matter what.

  11. Artur – WHY should I go out? Just to get rejected again? No thanks – after 2500 rejections and not even one phone number, I’m calling it quits. What’s the point – it just ain’t gonna happen.

  12. I hate women now because I have been intelligent (several degrees), funny, caring , no romantic problems, and not bad looking, but all i got was fat , ugly women who eventually rejected me anyway, for some flaw or other, women have got it made and that sucks crap. I can’t get anyone to date me at all now because honestly I am a white middle aged male. If they they don’t want blacks , they want younger, i have often just thought of offing myself because I can’t stand to live alone forever. I look 7 years younger than I am so I put that in my profile and I still only get ugly old fat hags to respond if at all. So what do I have to be to get what I want ? Women have all the choices, now I read where they are five time more likely to date someone five years younger than older than they are. they underestimate my ability based on age and color. So right now I have given up. Then you read sh** like , I am happy by myself (women) and do not need any one , I just would like someone. What kind of garbage IS that ? You think its strong and wonderful to be alone ? It ain’t and it is killing me. I have contacted THOUSANDS of women online and met ONE which rejected me in 10 minutes. really encouraging huh ? She came on to me on the cell knowing what i looked like, and we met for 10 minutes it was over, her excuse was , I guess i didn’t feel attracted and she was FAT with freckles and had been alone for a year. WTF is going on ??? all I see is suicide rates for men are likely to rise from this BS. Oh yeah, one night I was out and a 400 pound guy was with a prettier chick than I have dated. The floor literally shook when he walked. The hell with it, take me back to the 1800’s please

  13. “You have a 50/50 shot of getting the girl’s number. But that’s only IF you ask for it.” Wrong – I have NO chance of getting any woman’s number no matter what I do – so what’s the point in even trying. No woman EVER smiles at me or pays the slightest attention to me so why bother?

  14. I agree it takes balls and confidence to approach someone. I just don’t see how you can maintain the confidence and still be upbeat when I have always been rejected the past 18 years.

  15. Since it is 100% guaranteed that every woman (whether I find her attractive or not) will reject me without a second’s thought, I don’t bother to even talk to women I find attractive. I don’t blame women at all – it’s just the way it is. What’s the point of trying when unqualified rejection is inevitable every time?

  16. Christina says, “Nothing’s better than when you see a guy you’re interested in and he actually follows through with a greeting.”. But what about for those of us whom no woman is ever interested in? I guess Christina would have to agree that we have no chance, and more than that, we shouldn’t even bother trying because she’d reject the guy anyway. For guys like me for whom rejection is guaranteed every time, the best this is just to stay out of sight and to never say anything. Thanks a lot – and I thought you were trying to be helpful.

  17. It worked. Well, Sort of. She clicked, than put her hair behind her ear. She came and hung at my place. I came and saw her on monday. Everyone in the high school knows that i like her now. My social life is ruined. She is so pretty and I. I am ugly as hell. I would kill myself for her. Please help @Christina Hart @Christina
    The only sign I get is that she waves to me. But she waves to everyone. My heart stops when I see her. I told her “There are 21 letters in the alphabet right? ‘No there is 26’ O wait… I forgot U R A Q T.” I love her. She doesnt know that. If we were held captive, one of us lived but one of us died. I would die. I just want to make her happy.

  18. As a woman on dating sites I’ll give some insight. A lot of the guys contacting me or asking me out in real life are simply wasting their time. I often wonder as cruel as it sounds, what on earth they’re thinking. I am, I guess very attractive, I’m fit very healthy, have naturally nice body perportions, pretty face nice features,nice style overall. I’m generally also quite a laid back happy sort. There are plenty of guys the male version of me, as in fit good looking happy and charming asking me out. There are also a LOT of guys way to old, older (above my specified age on profile) out of shape, plain looking, quite unattractive asking me out as well. These guys mostly seem like nice decent guys BUT I don’t fancy them at all, they aren’t attractive to me. These are the sort guys that also complain they don’t get any response online or irl. Now I also have friends, who are models (way hotter than me) and friends who less attractive than average, are average and or plain. The hot ones know it and they play it. The lesser ones are completely ignored. These women are LOVELY real sweet hearts, charming and fun. it’s just hey haven’t been blessed naturally and they don’t work out, or don’t have all the pretty features . Guys who would have success with them, ignore them and chat up me or the models! They’re chatting us up, waistng they’re time trying to show their funny gleaming persionality. Sorry but it doesn’t matter how funny and decent you are if i don’t find your face/ body appealing to kiss. also it’s a myth that good looking guys are a dud in the persionality department. I meet plenty of great looking guys, also kind charming, decent and funny. So unless the lesser (attractive guys are genuinely deluded) why bother. All the while wasting time on someone you can’t have while literally ignoring someone right next to me that you probably can. My lesser attractive girl friends have happy relationships with lesser attractive guys. my hotter ones get the real hotties, the Jerks, any guy they want to pinch off me, any guy they want for what ever reason most of the time.
    I generally have a better time dating than both the maga hot and the plain Jane’s. The plain Jane’s have a truly awful time and the hot ones get messed about a lot.
    my last piece of advice I gave to a much lesser attractive guy than me, I was not physically interested at all (physically quite turned off) who persuade me relentlessly, based on the BS sort of advice you read above. Is to notice that what’s best about them is what’s on the inside and to notice that in women too. Too find a women with a good heart and see that beauty in her and she will see the beauty in you. since she doesn’t have a load of other guys paying her attention she will be flattered, she won’t be physically turned off since what she sees in the mirror everyday isn’t all that herself. she isn’t looking for the same level of perfection, people only want to match what they have. That’s life, I don’t bother with model looking guys unless they’re into me. I really don’t, if they like me they’ll let me know.
    He did as I told him, he met a girl. They’re happy, shes lovely really sweet and now a really good friend of mine. She has a pretty face but a bigger body shape and is overweight. I’d also like to add as a women I don’t care about money. I don’t care how rich a guy is, so long as her works. I also do care about persionality and attitude, but my point is I can easily get a fit attractive guys who’s also decent and fun. So I’m ignoring the unattractive guys online since I’m looking for a lover/partner and not friends. Attraction to the guy is important. Yes there are leagues, if your going for romance.
    it’s unlikely that you’ll get above your leuge. if the hotter girl really gets the hots for you (it can happen) she’ll let you know. in the mean time consontrait on girls in your own leuge, find love and find happiness.

  19. So true! I freaking hate the ‘league’ term. Wft is that? bias toward some particular type of persons? It basically makes my life miserable!

  20. I’ll never sexually attract a woman because I can’t socialize – that’s my problem. I KNOW there are lots women who would enthusiastically go on a date and have a relationship with me, but I’ll never know it because I just can’t ask them out.

    People’s advice – in person and online – Is always the same: ‘just get out more’. The fact is though, I do go out – but I can’t meet anyone if I can’t say anything. They tell me to ‘just talk to people’, but I can’t. I wish I could – but I can’t – that’s the problem. People tell me I have so much to say and so much to offer, and that I just need to be more confident. I am confident in other areas of my life, but that makes no difference if I can’t show that to women. They say I need to talk to women just as people, so I talk to them like I’m talking to a buddy – and end up getting friend zoned every time. As soon as she says we’re friends, I know nothing will happen. I KNOW I can meet women and that I can talk to them – I just CAN’T express sexual intent – I’m just not able to do it no matter what.

    No one seems to understand what guys like me go through – it’s torture. People think it’s so easy, and maybe it is – for them – because they are sexually attractive and are capable of showing it. I am neither of those things. Unfortunately there are many men in the world like me – we’re the ones who are chronically single.

  21. sorry i didn’t finish that last sentence.with feminism on the rise who can i possibly be courageous enough to start up a conversation with any woman nowadays.

  22. im 42 and every women i ever had interest in or dated wound up hurting me.it happened to me so many times that i am ruined and exhausted mentally and emotionally.i know the author means well but after so much heartache and pain how can i have self confidence not be nervous be myself around woman.as a poster above stated with feminism on the rise

  23. I asked 5 women out and got humiliated, laughed at, nervous looks and walking the other way…

    Life sucks.

    • Yes, life sucks.

      No matter what some of us do, we just cannot be attractive to any woman and there’s nothing we can do. Once again – I’m not angry and I’m not blaming anyone for my chronic singleness – I just hate the fact that I will always be alone no matter what.

  24. No woman has ever shown or reciprocated interest in me – not even once. Every woman I’ve ever approached has politely told me that I’m not her type, or something else that sends a clear message that I’m of no interest. It’s very easy for a beautiful woman like you to give ‘advice’ to guys that we should be more confident and approach whatever woman we like – respectfully of course. But for those of us who aren’t able to attract any woman, your article is just one more example of a ‘nice try’ by someone – who although well-meaning – quite obviously doesn’t have the slightest idea what they’re talking about because they’re clueless about what it’s like to be rejected flat out by literally every woman (100s) for decades by women of every degree of conventional hotness. So no, it’s not lack of ‘balls’ that stops me from approaching women any more – it’s fifteen years of consistent negative experience that has shown that it’s not worth trying any more – I will be rejected, guaranteed, by every woman I find interesting – so why bother?

      • The fact is, I never even “get a little smile”. It’s all well and good for people to give advice and friendly encouragement, but they don’t understand what it is to be a decent looking, positive, well educated “upstanding” guy with a good job and no bad habits who has not had even one date in fifteen years of trying. For someone who can go through life and get dates without any effort whatsoever to tell me that I “should have more confidence than that” – after the hundreds of rejections (and not one single success) that I’ve been through – I have to say, you just don’t get it. I’m through with being rejected and that’s it. I’m not angry and I’m not blaming anyone for my chronic singleness – I just hate the fact that I will always be alone no matter what.

  25. “If you get a little smile”

    Welp, pack it up boys…I never even get this far lol. Between the lack of this illusive smiling, short one-worded responses that kill conversations, and even just girls avoiding eye contact like I’m not even there, I just can’t get onboard with this idea that girls are just standing there waiting for a guy to talk to them. This makes girls seem eager to interact with a guy, but I can’t remember the last time this was actually the case.

    Takes the fun and motivation out of looking for the next girl to snub you off.

  26. Why does this article give off this aura of pretentiousness? Why would you give someone power over a decision you seem to care about? Isn’t the only instance where an abundance mindset is appropriate is when one has an inflated idea of themselves? Does money grow on trees? Who says ‘well if the needy don’t ask I don’t have to give’ but, an individual lacking perspective and empathy? How many years of not being approached will alter your mindset? If you were rejected for all your life would you expect to be accepted tomorrow? If you go to a convertible dealership to buy a SUV; would you blame the sales person who sold you the SUV instead of telling you the convertible dealership was around the corner? Who has a gun to your head forcing you to sit and wait for what you want? If I went around using terms like ‘a real woman does x y and z’ when I am not a female myself, how much would you, as a woman value my opinion?

    Just some food for thought…

  27. If life is SO short, and time is SO precious, then let women ask men out! I cannot imagine asking a woman, out wondering about her interest. If she is so interested, then she can ask ME out, and we can go on a date, At least then I know what she really wants to go.

  28. Getting rejected by girls throughout high school and college has done serious damage to my self esteem and confidence when it comes to women. It also doesn’t help that feminism has created so much suspicion between men and women these days. Guys are afraid to approach girls for fear of them thinking they’re creeps. I’ve literally seen women say they hate when guys approach them, because they’re just trying to go about their day and have more important things to worry about than guys coming up to them. When you see stuff like that it makes you think twice about approaching women.

  29. Hello everyone..i live in greece. Greek women are very difficult they dont care if you have a good heart or you are a good man… Unfortunately I am less than average joe according to their opinion… many people like me are experiencing the same problem in greece…so i dont think that all your stories can happen in my country.if a girl doesnt like you she will insult you every time!!

  30. what if you ask but cant be confident, this is what I do its great for the woman because she is lattered but if your nervous they always say no even if they liked you they always say no, the more rejections you get from women that like you the more nervous you get the more you get rejected, the more you get rejected the more nervous you get, maybe its not best to ask as many women out as possible ! without doing it confidently ! how its worked with me is this (from a nervous approach)
    the ones that really like you reject you nicely
    the ones that would have rejected you nicely reject you with slight bad manners
    the ones that would have rejected a confident approach badly will laugh in your face !

  31. Dude, honnestly ive been turned down that many times i stopped counting and caring. Nowdays i look at everywoman that walks by and think to myself “shes way out of my league, why bother” and that 2 outcomes thing you talked about, ive been guaranteed rejection ! On multiple occasions !

  32. Many guys find it easier to approach a girl who is less confident, less intelligent, and less attractive to others, especially those who are insecure and less attractive. It’s common in American society. When a guy says a girl is out of his league, then that means he could be abusive. There’s over 5 billion men in the world (and under 3 billion women, due to mass femicide). Chances are, men always have to deal with competition. Not to mention, shows like Love, Lust, or Run and Style By Jury teach women to be out of a man’s league. Blame Stacy London and Louise Roe for that stuff. It’s no wonder they can’t get married because they dress so stylish that it makes men feel insecure about themselves. If they didn’t dress fashionable and stylish then the average American man will feel a lot better. Men want a woman who doesn’t dress stylish much. 50 Shades of Grey, for instance.

  33. How about when you HAVE approached beautiful women and been rejected by them? That’s gonna make anybody reluctant to keep trying after awhile.

  34. I realize this is an old post, but guys, you must know that you should never take relationship advice from a woman. Women enjoy humiliating and rejecting men, and this article is just leading you into their trap. If your gut is telling you not to approach, then don’t approach. There’s a reason. Do you want to be maced, slapped, yelled at, or accused of rape? Women will not hesitate to do all of these things to you. Don’t date them and for heaven’s sake don’t marry them. Look at it logically; the costs of dating and marriage greatly outweigh the benefits. Just say no.

  35. There is an attractive lady I could to ask out, without too much fear. The problem is she lost her husband of 27 yrs to cancer 5 months ago. How long should i wait for her to heal and feel comfortable dating?

  36. IMO dating out of your league causes a lot of problems. When there are significant gaps in the physical gaps between partners, it causes a lot of problems. You mention the movie “She’s Out of My League,” that movie is the perfect example of the problems this type of thing causes. Sure, the ugly guy won at the end, BUT ALL the problems were presented in that scenario.

    As someone mentioned before, a hot girl literally can get any guy she wants. ANY GUY SHE WANTS. Even guys with girlfriends sometimes. I even read a statistical basis on this too, that marriages between similarly attractive partners last longer.

    I think so because:
    1) I do not want to deal with everyone constantly raising eyebrows at us and making insulting assumptions about why we are together. This already happens all the time when I am just hanging out with an attractive female friend in public. For some reason it is okay for strangers to make loud comments like “he must be rich” or something to that effect. It’s infuriating. I would imagine it would put a strain on her too.

    2) Looking at someone near perfect every day would just constantly remind me of my own flaws and my self esteem would take an inevitable hit. Everyone has their insecurities; I don’t want to be faced with mine every day. I’ve never had sex with a very attractive woman, but I’d imagine it would be less enjoyable than with someone average like me.

    3) I don’t want other men to hit on my partner non-stop everywhere.

    4) I would be more concerned about her leaving me. This ties in with 1) everyone telling her that she can do better and 3) having a permanent long line of men chasing her.

    For me, the above points are sufficient to automatically reject everyone significantly more attractive than I am, and out of my league.

  37. Great article! I’ve dated two women I thought were out of my league because they gave me VERY obvious signs they were attracted to me and I asked for their numbers. The problem was neither relationship lasted more then two months because the entire time I still doubted that they wanted to be in a relationship and thought they were just showing pity. I know it’s pathetic, but not hard for a big introvert like myself because every little thing I interpreted as something negative ate away at my confidence and both ended the relationship because I clearly wasn’t the same guy they first began dating. What I’m trying to ask is how do I maintain my confidence after that first date?

    Thanks in advance 🙂

    • That’s a common problem. Like the movie “She’s out of my league.” He pushed her away because he believed it.

      My advice. Be a guy who is committed to being his best self, follows his passion, believes he deserves anything in life and don’t sell yourself short. That will always result in what happened before. Just keep bettering yourself everyday. Confidence comes from action, not thoughts.

  38. Christina, For the First, sorry for my English, i´m a brazilian guy who suffer a lot with girls. In my country, every guy who aren´t athletic or handsome has great difficulties to find a atractive girl that would like him in the way he are. I have 25 years old, i´m tall (6ft 1´ 1/2) , but not so atractive and good looking, and the hot girls that i want, simply do not like me. A while a go that i guesses that is for my looks because i´m not shy and i go after to pick up the girl that i find atractive. But the answeres are always negative, they say that have boyfriend or any excuse that find their mouths. It´s very sad, what can i do?

  39. So I consider my self an average Joe even thou I ‘ve been told i’m a handsome man. I have a good decent job, take care of myself but do not really care about fashion, or what is the latest trend. I blow more money on simple things to please myself instead of worrying about my social status. Don’t really have many close friends and I don’t have any issues with that at all. I don’t go to bars or nightclubs because I don’t care about that either. I live in a big city but I’m the kind of guy who finds a lot of pleasure going to the mountains for a hike, kayaking or just having a BBQ at home. So I recently met this beautiful looking woman on a dating website. I knew she was out of my league but I decided to send a message saying hi because she had a photo in her profile that was taken at a National Park I visit very often. So she replied back and for the last four days we been texting each other. She’s been asking to meet in person and I keep putting it off. Why? Cause I’m freaking scared or maybe intimated by her. She enjoys nature just like I do, but I was looking at some of her pics and she is always wearing very elegant dresses and going to clubs and partying. I think she looks beautiful in those dresses but the partying and clubbing is not part of my life style. I dress decently and don’t care much to dressing up for a club or party. Part of that is because I spent ten years wearing a military uniform and I currently were a uniform for an authoritarian job so when i’m off work I feel comfortable in casual clothes. I really like this woman but I feel I will have to make some changes such as going clubbing or partying and that is not me. I am thinking of telling her that I don’t think we might be a good match or tell her i’m not interested and save myself a disappointment. This is very contradicting for me because in my present job i’m very confident and show a lot of confidence to the point I’ve been told by others that I look very intimidating but the truth is that outside that uniform and the coolest, sweetest and most pacifist teddy bear ever.There you have it. I didn’t know I was this insecure. 🙂

    • Thanks for sharing Tino!

      Go for it man, see if you gel, be honest with who you are and see what happens. Not going only has one outcome. Going has many ; )

      Great comment though man

      • Quick update.
        So I went out on a date with the girl I met on a dating website. She showed up a few minutes before me and waited outside the restaurant. She turned out to be as pretty as she looked in her photos but she was very humble, down to earth and open. What I thought would be a two hour date turned out to be a five hours date and she kept saying that we should try other restaurants . So the horizon looks good for more datesShe was so much fun and she opened up about very intimate things about her life. The date came to an end at 11 pm because the restaurant had to close. We both we back to out homes. Later that night she sent me a message saying I’m much better looking in person. I have to admit that she is very sophisticated but at the same time she is guarded and I think she doesn’t want to get her feeling hurt. I will take it easy with no expectations and see where it leads. If things don’t workout I wont have anything to regret because I came out of my comfort zone and gave my self a chance to get out there and meet a beautiful woman. Ok amigos. Off to work for the next 12 hrs. have a good one! 🙂

        • What a beautiful attitude Tino! So inspiring.

          And that’s awesome, I’m glad you hit it off – and to say you almost didn’t go!

          I hope this story can inspire others as it has myself.


  40. A hot woman has the pick of the litter. Why is the norm tall good looking women with hot women? Because the hot woman can date that and chooses too…Why would she date below her league? I have several very attractive female friends that are very discriminate and will hold out until they get what they want. Do I have a chance with any of these women? No and it’s not for lack of trying. I’m short, average looking and make average money. A guy like me does not appeal to beautiful women.

    • Your thinking is so wrong Kevin. I know guys who are 5’8 with average looks and do amazing with women. And overweight, and not by social means, “good looking.” Just look up Todd from RealSocialDynamics.com, Tyler from RealSocialDynamics.com – and Yad from Daygame.com. Actually, most of the guys who are the best at meeting women are not attractive, because they had to build skills that great looking guys don’t have to.

      Of course looks matter, initially. But you know what these guys did. They didn’t let their looks be an excuse or a crutch and they went out, built up their skills with women – and they can have any woman they want. They beat out the best looking guys, over and over. Confidence is what is most attractive. These women don’t particularly like the tall guys for their looks, but they like them for the way they act because of how they look. If a short bald guy acts the same way, he too builds attraction. Looks are only an added plus that are 100% not necessary. It’s not my opinion because I see it alll the time, factually happening.

      The mindset you have now is what is holding you back with women most.

  41. I once went up to talk to a woman because I thought I was breaking some sort of rule. She was so pretty and popular that I assumed that there was a taboo against me even making my existence known to her.

    Much to my surprise, we ended up becoming friends and I eventually became comfortable around her. We shared a lot of real, genuine communication. And why not? It’s not like I was ever going to be able to actually DATE her or anything, so there was really no pressure.

    After a few years of this, she broke off our friendship. I spent a couple of months trying to figure out what I had done. It turns out that it was more what I HADN’T done. When I emailed her to ask her why, she didn’t say much, so I said that I at least deserved an explanation.

    What she had to tell me when we met up for coffee just about made my head explode. It turns out that what made her cut things off was me getting engaged (to a woman I figured was in my league). She had been waiting for me to make the move to be more than friends and then all of a sudden I was announcing that I was off the market for good.

    I still don’t know what on earth happened to make her think of me in that way. What will never be still seems like it somehow breaks some unwritten Rule of The Universe. But I can’t help but wonder what would have happened had I been able to muster up enough confidence to at least try.

    • *** She had been waiting for me to make the move to be more than friends and then all of a sudden I was announcing that I was off the market for good.***

      *** Thats an amazing story Ray. It just goes to show, you never know. ***

      or..SHE could have ” made a move” . why is it , in the 21st century, women want to be equal in everything except dating? is there any particular reason women cant , or shouldn’t have to initiate? the author even sort of laments the fact that sometimes she has to approach someone. if it’s so easy, why cant / wont more women do it?

  42. @Christina Hart:

    I’m just not buying this. Why?

    Because, when you have a generation (or two) of women spewing venom that:

    1) Men are nothing but beer swilling, video game playing frat boys living in Mom’s basement,

    2) Men bring nothing to the table in any relationship, and

    3) Men are expendable at best, and worthless as usual,

    What do YOU think the end result is going to be? WTH, if women think that little of me as a guy to begin with, why should I bother approaching? What’s the point???

    • Exactly this. Thanks for saying it, Mickey. Feminism has all but ruined gender relationships with their myths and out-right lies about men.

    • Mickey-

      I’m sorry you feel so negatively about this article. It’s supposed to be positive and make you realize that not all women feel the way you think they do. Why do you feel women think that little of you, or men in general? Not all women believe that or think that way about men. Sure, both women and men have their moments where they’ve been hurt and become bitter toward the opposite sex, but it doesn’t last forever.


      • I honestly dont feel negative about this article and can openly say its brightened up my horizons as a man because talking to girls was all easy growing up in our teens where everyone was vulnerable and nobody felt so vulnerable, experience was the number one priority when it came to relationships. I guess Its not the same when you grow up because girls grow out of their experimental phase quicker than boys do and men are still looking to experience that young active romance with women but find it hard to begin with a simple hello.
        for the eye opener.

      • What if you think your ugly and can talk to her get her to smile and laugh but haven’t had the balls to ask her is she single or wants to go on a date because you’ve had so many jibes and comments about you, you can’t seem to get over it when it comes to girls who you find extremely attractive

        • It is a tough thing to deal with Alex. There are two separate issue there. Being self conscious and being too nervous to express how you feel to a beautiful girl. Two things that most men deal with their entire lives.

          I pose the question to you? What is the alternative of not ever asking her – there is only one outcome. While asking her leaves you two outcomes. Though one outcome is rejection, without the chance of rejection you will never succeed. And you will find, the more you get rejected – the easier it becomes to push through it. All guys get rejected. I do all the time. And I never used to talk to girls because of my nerves.

          But through experience and study, I am 100% certain that the best way to deal with girls, is to bee 100% genuine and honest. If you think she’s hot, tell her you think she’s hot an you want to date her. If you you want to bang her, tell her you want to bang her. Be bold. A book you might find interesting is Mode 1: Let women know what you are really thinking, by Alan Rodger Cure.

          As for insecurities. You can let them hold you back, or you can thrive regardless. There are men in wheelchairs and disfigurements who are experts at meeting women, and some do it for a living. Being comfortable in your own skin is attractive, regardless of what you look like – that kind of person will always attract someone.

          Hope you found this useful.

      • Why do I feel that women think that women think so little of men? My having several decades of seeing just that.

        Experience doesn’t lie.

    • Christina no longer writes for us,

      But I think that it is up to us men, in this generation, to prove these women wrong and lead by example. If you approach in a general sincere manor, she is not going to spit venom at you, and you may just change her perception forever..

  43. theres a girl i have a crush on and the reason i thinks she out of my league because i seen photos of her and where shes been las vegas st,. louis, and japan, she did wrestling, and the one thing that still makes me fell less confident to ask a girl out is that i dont have a car to drive or even a license yet

  44. this was an awesome article. I loved it. Thank you so much for this confidence booster Christina! I love hearing the honest truth on dating! Props coming from a girl!

    • George, I’m glad you got something out of it! So many guys don’t realize they have such a high chance of getting a girl’s number. More often than not, we’re standing there wondering why he ISN’T coming over to us.

      • I have long since stopped approaching women. They want to be treated as equals, then they should do the approaching also. They are not special, to be put on a pedestal.

        If they can’t even be bothered to show me an interest, then neither can I.

      • I think for me, a big factor would be that I’d have no idea what to say or talk about and then freeze up after the Hello

        • JW-

          Thinking you’ll freeze up after the hello is normal. But, if you two click, you’ll have plenty to talk about. If you don’t, then at least you tried and you can see that you won’t freeze up after the hello. If you have no idea what to say, compliment her outfit! At the very least, you’ll get a smile and a thank you and either way, she’ll think you’re a gentleman.



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