One of the biggest complaints that wives have is that their husbands don’t show them enough attention. Yes, it sounds really whiney and egotistic, but step in our shoes for a moment. Women are very different from men; we’ve evolved differently. We’ve given you our word that we will belong to you forever and in return you said you’d cherish us. It’s often men who have the rambunctious fun in their youth while women are more adamant about making themselves into a great physical and emotional package for the right guy. We try really hard to be a sexy, supportive and loving partner; so, it makes sense that we get a little pissed when you act like we don’t exist.
Now, we understand that life gets complicated and busy, and hurtful words can be thrown about. However, there’s always something that can bring out the love again.
And you don’t have to run out and buy expensive jewelry and a dozen roses that will just die within three days; you’ll go broke and–while it may make her squeal with delight–it’s not really a long term goal to ensure the root of the problem is dealt with. The solution lies in the little things, done consistently.
Here are several easy fixes to this marital dilemma and they won’t cost you a dime.
1) Include her in the funny group text once in a while
Think about how often during the week you group text your guy friends to show them a funny photo or tell them a funny joke you heard in the office, or at the bar. Now, of course you don’t have to share every little thing with us, but being included in your friendships every now and then gives us a sense of security and that you value our role as a friend as well. Yea, we make text back “Ew, gross” but there is no doubt that we are smiling on the other end, delighted that you’re comfortable enough to include us every now and then with your friends. As cheesy as it is, we like thinking that we are your best friend; even if we know you still want to watch the game with Todd instead of us (even if we secretly kind of think Todd is a tool).
2) Bring home little surprises
When you get lunch and they include that incredible baguette that your wife loves, wrap it up and bring it to her after work. Or when you get an extra fortune cookie, come home and open them together. It’s a cheap, inconvenient way to show her that part of your leisure time at work was spent considering her. It’s a small gesture that has large implications.
3) Make the coffee before she gets up
If your wife sleeps in on her off day or on Sunday make it a point to start cooking breakfast and making the coffee. Whether she’ll be rushing to work or just preparing to go downstairs and lounge around, the fact that you took the initiative in a role that is predominantly thought to be a woman’s job will show you how much you appreciate her in your life.
4) Make time out of your day
When we call to ask us how your day is going, please don’t berate us with how busy you are and how inconvenient our voice is in this moment. Chances are we know that you have a busy schedule and most of the time so do we. If your wife is calling you it’s because she needs confirmation. Little things can deplete a happy wife’s love tank and make her doubt in distance what she knows at home. Maybe her co-worker just found out her boyfriend has been cheating on her for six months. Maybe she’s feeling guilty about being too tired to have sex last night. Honestly, she probably just wants to say hello and tell you that she loves you. That doesn’t take that long; and if you tell her first you’ll quell that predominantly female need to confirm your connection. The world is full of crap, so send a text and say, “I love you” to the person who cares about you most.
Side note: If a woman is constantly calling to say “I love you” and you constantly need to advocate your affection for her, then something is wrong. Analyze how you may be limiting your affection or whether she’s going through something personal that has affected her confidence or self-esteem. Therapy is always a very healthy option to grow closer, learn to communicate and to determine what may be causing her feelings.
5) Talk her up in front of other women
Although we know we don’t have to worry about competition now that you ‘lurve us and stuff’ we still like to know that you still consider us the prize above all prizes and sometimes that means hearing you say it in public. Don’t drool over us and talk about our looks but do compliment our work achievements or our abilities in our hobbies. When you brag on us in public and in front of the opposite sex it gives us a humbling confidence and gratitude for you as a lover and as a friend. Marriage is all about teamwork and supporting the other person. Give us a “Rah, Rah” every now and then.
6) KISS US. OH MY GOSH PLEASE JUST KISS US!
You have no idea how often a woman just wants her guy to lean in and kiss her in the aisle at Barnes and Noble, while watching a basketball game on television, or when we are standing in line at the DMV. It’s the simplest of gestures and it means everything to us most of the time. When you just kiss us out of the blue with no expectation of anything further, it makes us feel wanted for who we are, not what’s under our shirts. Chemically speaking, kissing releases hormones that promote bonding and you’d be surprised by how a long passionate kiss can dissipate feelings of anger, stress or worry in your wife. Plus, it’s just hot when you go in for it, no matter how long we’ve been with you; it will still make our stomachs jump.
Side note: Research shows that passionately kissing and staring into your partner’s eyes is a surefire way to prevent emotional and physical cheating. So you can literally kiss your partner to a happier marriage? So, why wouldn’t you make out all the time?
Guys, we as women know that sometimes it’s not easy for these things to come naturally. It’s not easy for us to ask for them either. No woman wants to tell her husband to show her he loves her, we just WANT you to love us and show us on your own accord. I know, I know, it seems unfair.
Marriage is hard; it’s so hard that people who love each other will still get divorced because it’s hard. That should say something. AND the lack of the ‘little things’ is almost always noted as being a prominent reason for the demise of most marriages. Why? Because most married couples stop remembering that the little things ARE the big things.
And sure, some of you may be reading this and saying, “Well, she doesn’t do the little things I need”, and you may be absolutely right. However, marriage is all about giving, not receiving. So give a little and see what happens; I can guarantee it will open up a physical and emotional connection that will make “giving in” seem like a very, very small price to pay in the long run.