If you don’t want to waste your precious time and energy dating the wrong person or spend time after three dates wondering what is wrong, here are three tips that will make your dating effective. This article is about much more than just a question. You will find out how to find your own questions to ask her and what other things to focus on to get to know her better.
This topic is not discussed often and it can help you avoid depression, disappointment and false hopes. It also helps you be interesting for her, because of your authentic interest. Salesmen can judge within 20 seconds whether the potential customer will buy a product and they are 99% on spot. So if you continue giving more time, opportunities and energy to the wrong people hoping something will change, you are simply creating a traumatic experience for yourself. They will simply not buy..
How to Decide What Questions to Ask a Girl
It all comes from knowing yourself first. When you know yourself, know what you want, you will know exactly what you want to ask her because you know what you want to know. It is not about me giving you a specific list of questions.
I want you to develop your own set of questions because we are all different!
1) Define Your Standards
If you don’t know what you want, you will never be satisfied. You will waste time with the wrong people and go to a wrong direction. Neither will you know what to ask her nor what to pay attention to. Let’s define now what you want.
What are the three things the person you date must have?
Focus on character traits. For example, if you like someone a lot but you like to spend time outside, and they like to spend time inside – you are wasting time with that person. That kind of relationship won’t fulfill either of you.
While things as seemingly trivial as musical tastes might not be a big deal, a willingness to step outside of their comfort zone and accompany you to a concert they may not enjoy is. You are looking for a connection in your core needs and desires and a willingness to compromise on unimportant desires.
What are your primary goals?
For example, one of my core goals is to find a person who has high inspirations and aspirations in life. They are focused and motivated to make change. This means they will focus their time on their work while still making time for me. They have a sense of growth which will motivate me to grow. We can grow together and motivate each other to pursue our dreams.
The 5 Questions to Develop Your List of Rules
1. What 3 things your partner must posses?
2. How do you want to feel with them?
3. What 3 things they must not have or be like?
4. How you don’t want to feel with them?
5. What 3 things they should not be like, but you can tolerate? (these are things you prefer not to put up with but can tolerate, like smoking)
Don’t worry your rules might change. If you are not sure, just write down what comes to your mind. You can rewrite it later. Maybe now you think you want to be with a person who is very romantic, but later you find out you hate being romantic all the time.
If your current partner can’t satisfy your core needs and desires, and is not willing to, you will know you need to move on. Ask about these things to find out!
2) Observe, Question, and Listen
When you know what kind of person you are interested in, you can determine whether someone is a potential match or not more quickly. If you are very romantic, you should listen to her speak about a date or you can ask her about the best date she has had. The way she speaks about the dates will help you judge how romantic she is.
Another important thing to focus on is frequency of meetings. People who are more free spirited like myself, prefer meeting once or twice a week maybe less. Other people meet every day; they need this kind of contact.
Next is physical connection. Some people are more touchy than other. However, this should not be an obstacle for you. If they like different type of affection, you just figure each other out and provide the type of affection your counterpart likes.
There are three types of people: visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Majority of people are visual. Not everybody likes sex. Find out directly or indirectly. These are the kind of questions you should ask a girl to get to know her! That way you also connect with her
How does she interact and respond to other people? If she likes you, she will want to be liked and will behave better towards you. This is in the beginning. Watch how she treats other people and how she responds to them. If she talks bad about her friends behind their back, she will talk bad about you. Is she a manipulative kind of person playing charades in front of people to get what she wants? Pay close attention.
Does she stand people up with no notification? I bet you are flattered she favored you instead of meeting someone else or going to a job interview, but keep in mind this kind of person does not respect others time and will not respect yours.
She may even apologize afterwards and really mean it. Be aware of people who do this, they will always apologize, but it will not change. I had to find out the hard way!
The way she speaks. Is she constantly whining? Is she cheerful? These are characteristics that will not change. We create our emotions. If she is most of the time in a bad mood, it is because she wants to be! If you are constantly falling for the wrong girls, it is for the same reason, you choose to.
We do it because we are addicted to certain emotions. For example, I need to guard myself when around innocent girls who want people to believe the whole world is against them. I want to save them and help them. I let them bring me down. They get compassion from people who pity them and this is a way for them to meet their need for love, connection and maybe significance. They would not let me help them of course which drain my energy. I don’t want to feel exhausted.
We are all emotional beings. It can happen that we lose control and things change but we can not do anything about it. What is important to notice is the reaction, the attitude. If she does something wrong or crazy, does she recognize it? Will she apologize and go out of her way to make it up?
This is a person worth hanging with long term – She is willing to create an environment promoting growth and conflict solving.
To sum it up, when you know what you want, you will know exactly what questions to ask a girl to get to know her. It comes from your genuine interest in her, your values and your self-respect.
3) Start Writing a Dating Journal
When you meet women, note it. If they make you upset, happy, or excited note it all. You will get detached by writing these things and it will serve you as a future reference. When you read it afterwards, you will laugh and sometimes you will wonder how stupid you were. You coach yourself this way because afterwards you will have a clear head and it will not bother you any more.
When we meet someone, who we develop an emotional connection with, we want to believe they will be better. We want to see the good in them and we give them chance after chance. No, character or personality is something that does not change! Like bookers have graphs and history of value of actions, they can clearly see whether they are going up or down, short and long-term. Your journal will be exactly like this graph.
Compare it to what you are looking for in a person and how they make you feel. Does it correspond with the kind of person you want to date? If no, then you need to do the hard thing – take action according to what you see and what is clear.
If you see the person you met disrespecting your time frequently, ( e.g. showing up late, checking her phone and texting all the time) this will not change. Don’t expect it to. You will know it deep down.
And of course she has positives. But you might find out this person has one positive to three negatives. This is not the ratio you are looking for. You will read it in your journal but you will have this question “what if?”. This is the time when you can predict the future. You already know she will be late next time. Stop wasting your time. If you don’t value your time other people will not value it.
Unchain yourself, let her go. You might stay her friend, but detoxify yourself and be true to yourself!
One last thing…
There is one more important thing. Are you a person like this? Are you the type of man who has the same expectation from himself as from others? Or even better, do you have higher expectations from yourself in the first place? If not, you need to work on yourself because you cannot expect to be with superstars if you are not superstar yourself.
Do you have any questions? Want to know more? Ask away in comments!