This post is all about pick up and how it relates to sales. You will discover what mistakes most men and sales people do and how your efforts can hurt you and your relationships if you are not aware of if.
You might be wondering why I am relating pick up to sales and you will discover it as you read further. Story told short, I’ve been working in sales and I have been involved with the pick-up community for over five years.
The Mall Salesman
Just today as I was leaving a mall a guy stopped me with a strange question: “Do you come here often?”. followed by some vague explanation that made me think that he is doing some kind of marketing research. I wanted to be helpful so I got into conversation with him.
As we were speaking he changed the topic and started moving the conversation forward some direction. He started speaking about how wonderful it would be to have a 700 or 1000€ extra outcome. I was confused. I knew he wanted to sell me something but all the experience was very chaotic and uncomfortable.
Then he started painting a picture even more, giving more examples. I stopped him asking him directly what it was all about, to get to the point.
It was obvious to me he was following a script. He wanted to bait me first with nice ideas to later present some kind of buying opportunity to me. Of course he did not answer my question. He gave some oblique answer. He said something like “It is all about you.”, which made me ask “What is all about me?”.
From this point I had no respect for him. He couldn’t get to the point, he was just wasting my time. At this point, he asked me for number that he would call me later and arrange a meeting where he would explain.
Sure! Here it is. You can’t get to the point in five minutes I have no idea what you are speaking about, whether it is coaching or whatever you are presenting me and I should give you my number to further waste my time.
That is what I thought. I just refused to give him my number and asked once more what it is that he is trying to present to me. Some vague answer again. That is when I was about to leave and he started firing even more questions like if I wanted to stay average etc. “Yes, bye!”.
To recap, the salesman tried to present me something, which to this time I have no idea about what it was, he was clearly following a script. He was not able to respond to direct questions and he even knew I was working in sales.
This is what was going in the moment in my head: “Should I get advice from a person who clearly cannot see I am not interested, keeps wasting time and energy with me? I don’t even know what he wants to present, all I know is that he is speaking in vague sentences and pushing for meeting. Vague means he is hiding something and he is clearly not skilled in sales.”.
Now relate this story to meeting women. There are many guys trying various things. Conversational models to follow, attraction blueprints etc. They do similar things like this salesman and are not comfortable doing it. They are trying to hide their intention behind conversation blueprint thinking they’d get better chance of success, while in reality the result is exactly opposite!
Look, I am not super smart and I could understand he was a waste of time pretty quickly while staying open-minded. Women are even better at screening men. Stop hiding your intention and hoping following some indirect communication structure will help you get better results.
What you want to do is qualify people for your time. Understand how valuable your time is. You can waste money on a person and lose them and you will eventually earn money. You will not earn more time.
What Does it Mean to Qualify People for Your Time?
In dating, you should focus your time and energy on people that are mutually interested in you. Let’s take for example a situation when you meet a girl on a street. If you have good energy together, you can simply ask her out and she will most likely agree.
If you don’t have a good energy together; however, she will probably not accept because there is no value in it, it is a waste of time. I am not advocating nor telling you that you should not try, but this is what will happen.
And when she doesn’t accept your invitation, understand that she did not see the value in meeting you and she was honest with you while you, most likely, were not honest with yourself.
But how do I show my value? How do I make her understand my value?
You don’t. Value we are speaking about here is not objective. You can be objectively interesting, smart, good looking guy and girls might refuse to go out with you because subjectively they don’t see themselves going out with you.
If they just say they have no time now etc., you can ask them questions like, when they will have time. If their answer is “I don’t know.” then sorry, you don’t qualify for my time.
It is like conducting a relaxed interview. You ask questions to find out answers you are interested in.
Focus on being the man, know what works for you, get to know what you want and like.
If you want to become interesting, attractive man who is able to stay relaxed in company of attractive women and improve your dating and relationships skills.