Ask any man – the female psyche is … difficult to understand at best, and many times simply leaves the unprepared man shaking his head wondering what in the hell just happened. One of my aims as a dating coach is to help men have fewer of those head shaking moments, and to be able to really get to know what women want, even if they themselves don’t.
Attraction is a mystery to many people, men and women alike. You know what it FEELS like, but what you don’t know (most of the time) is how to CREATE it for a woman. More specifically, how do you get her interested enough to get her phone number, then…. WHAT NEXT??
One of the most common requests I get for dating advice is how to get a girl’s phone number. Most men are just plain afraid to approach a woman. You fear rejection, “mean girl” style. You fear your tongue sticking to the roof of your mouth and risking sounding like Beavis. You fear the “Chris Farley trip-down-the-mountain” scene from Black Sheep. I get it. So here is a handy little dating tip you can take away with you right now on how to get a girl’s number in less than 5 minutes.
You probably know what the scarcity effect is – something that is rare, or less available, is more valuable because of its scarcity. So one way to increase attraction is to be a little scarce – that means get her number, and walk away, don’t linger and begin falling over her like a calf-eyed wuss. After you talk to a woman for about 3 or 4 minutes, say something like “Well, it was nice meeting you. I’m going to get back to my friends.” They usually don’t know what to do, as they’re used to guys clinging to them if they are good looking. Then, just as you’re turning to walk away from her, turn back and say “HEY! Do you have email?”
Saying “HEY!” is a bit surprising and non-threatening – as long as you do NOT say it like Joey from Friends. “Do you have email” is non-threatening as well, in fact, you’re technically asking her if she HAS email, not if she’ll GIVE IT TO YOU. If she says “Yes,” take out a pen and paper and say “Great, write it down for me”. You just treat the ‘yes’ that they give you as a yes to get it from them. Then AS SHE’S IN THE MIDDLE OF WRITING, say “Write your number down there too.” And tip #2 for this – HAVE A PEN and a piece of paper with you!
Alternatively, you can hand her your phone and say “Put it in there for me” if you are really slick!
So now, you have her number.
NOW WHAT, right? When do you call? What do you do, or say?
At the risk of sounding like some Zen guru sitting cross legged on top of a mountain somewhere, the more you TRY to get something, the harder it becomes. I like the analogy of waiting with an open hand – close the hand and clench, and you cannot receive, because the hand is closed – you are trying too hard.
I know, you are sitting there scratching your head, thinking, what does a hand have to do with dating advice?
Well, women don’t feel attraction for men who become pushovers and Wussbags. Wussbag behavior includes calling immediately, tripping over yourself to get her attention, affection, time, ANYTHING. If you want to keep the attraction going with a girl and get a date or a girlfriend, you have to avoid these behaviors at all costs.
Now, women do continue to feel attraction for men who are a challenge. I don’t mean be a difficult ass, or try to be the “Bad Boy”. What I do mean, though, is two words…
When you “lean back”, you are inviting HER to come forward. You invite the girl to chase you a little, to feel attraction, NOT to feel smothered, chased or pushed toward anything. Get it?
With that in mind, here are a few thoughts:
1) If you e-mail or text, keep it light, as well. In this day and age, I find it more natural to e-mail/text than call. Don’t text her all day either. Have a brief convo, then cut it off.
2) If you call the next day, be cool about it. Or wait two days. Don’t be suave or slick, or set up a date right away. Call and say, “What’s up,” make a little small talk and then hang up to keep her thinking about you. (And – here is another little dating gem – don’t try to set up an “accidental” meeting either. Girls are not that dumb. Don’t do it!)
3) Your tone should always be cool, calm, leaned back, busy, and positive. Never complain about things, whine or act like you’re in a bad mood and need attention. Don’t be negative. Don’t be aggressive or macho.
4) Keep dating/seeing/talking to other women! Until you actually commit to a girl, STAY uncommitted.
5) For the first two months or so, don’t see her more than once or twice a week. Stay busy and always have things going on. This PREVENTS you from becoming clingy and needy, and ruining the attraction she has for you.
Remember, too, that women can get creeped out by a clingy or needy man. Always keep in mind the Number 1 Rule of Dating – don’t do what your mother told you to do. (Sorry Mom!) Women say they want a nice guy with a good job and blah blah blah – which, they DO. BUT – that “nice guy” has to be able to create attraction for her, or it’s done. Learn the laws of attraction, and you will succeed with women and dating.