How many times have you shown up at a party and no one seemed to register your presence? Or gotten completely wasted, only to learn your drunken derailment was the talk of the town the following morning? Or been flat out ignored by a girl, but never managed quite to figure out why.
Well, my friend, in order to wake up next to a lady and not a dragon, you will first need to turn yourself into… Not Prince Charming, by no means, only a modernized version of a dragonslayer – aka a Gentleman.
And what makes a gentlemen is neither the thickness of his wallet, nor the lining of his suit, nor the slickness of his moves. A gentleman is made, not born, and becoming a part of this crowd is not all that difficult. Just ditch the douchebag attitude, read on and follow our guide which will lead you straight to where you want to be.
Rule number one: always RSVP to an event in time. Whether you are coming, leaving early, not bothering to show up, common courtesy dictates that you need to let the host know what the hell your plans are. If you plan to bring someone – again, you need to let your host know. Dragging a bunch of hungry friends with you to a party will un-invite you from the next one before you swallow the first canape.
Rule number two: always know your host. Even if you’re going to the babyshower of the blond accountant from the second floor whose last name you could never pronounce properly – know who’s paying the tab at the end of the night, and act accordingly. This is imperative even if you are someone’s plus one.
The Gift of Giving
If you are bothering to show up – don’t show up empty-handed. Depending on the occasion, a bottle of wine is the least you should buy. This goes for parties in bars as well – you do not drop the ball and forget to bring a birthday gift, ever. Group gifts are fine, just don’t simulate second grade and buy a gift in a joke shop, unless you know exactly who the celebrant is, and what makes him tick.
The Thought of Tipping
Let’s imagine you are going out to a bar – a friend is buying. This does in no way mean you can turn into an utter freeloader and “forget” your wallet. It needs to be secure in your pocket, with enough cash to fund whatever it is you plan on drinking, and enough to buy a round of drinks all around.
Even if you plan to utilize your credit card – you need to have paper money on your person, to tip the staff. Your first tip will make or break your night – tip well, but according to the service you receive.
Know what you are Knocking Down
Rule number whatever number we’ve reached: a gentleman does not get drunk. A gentleman can drink what he likes, as much as he likes, but needs to know exactly how much he can take before he turns into a slobbering bunch of baloney.
A gentleman can also smoke and take whatever else he likes, but needs to know what it will turn him into. Before you light up for the first time, learn what to expect. Don’t take a hit of X from a stranger just because you want to be cool.
You are never cool if you go with the flow. You are only cool if you know who you are.
Most importantly: a gentleman is a sensible person who will never drink and drive. Take a cab, hitch a ride, or walk the bloody however many miles to home. Don’t be stupid.