How amazing would it be to walk around charming women’s socks off wherever you go?
What if you knew you were charming 24/7: at home, at work, at cocktail parties, and on dates?
You can do that, but only if you understand and capitalize on your NATURAL CHARM.
What is natural charm?
Let’s go to the dictionary to find out:
Natural: adj., existing in or caused by nature // of or in agreement with the character or makeup of, or circumstances surrounding, someone or something.
Charm: noun, the power or quality of giving delight or arousing admiration.
Put together, we have natural charm.
Natural Charm: giving delight or arousing admiration in line with your own natural character and makeup.
Natural charm is amazing.
Not only is it the only way to be GENUINELY charming, it feels damn good as well.
In order to find and capitalize on your own natural charm, you must first understand and accept that we all individually have our own natural charm.
Reason being, as people we are fascinating, unique, and magnetic to other humans when we are at ease in our own skin — knowing who we are, what we want, and feeling generally powerful and in good spirits.
We can all do this.
Where most men go wrong is giving up on the idea altogether that they even possess a natural charm all their own. They think they have to mimic someone else’s charm in order to have any charm at all.
This is dead wrong.
When they try to mimic someone else’s charm, it never works. You can’t be someone you’re not. You can only be you. Even trying to be someone you’re not comes across as weak and unsettled.
You’ve seen this yourself, right? Talking to someone at a party and seeing in his shifty eyes and sweaty forehead that he’s not at ease being himself.
Let’s make sure that’s not you. Let’s make sure you’re naturally charming. You can be the man everyone gravitates to like a giant cupcake.
When you find and capitalize on your natural charm, that’s exactly what happens. People notice, respect, and gravitate to you. (We’re assuming people really love giant cupcakes.) Beautiful women appreciate and are intrigued by you.
For my clients, this has happened quite effortlessly. Even their colleagues and bosses take notice, and great things happen in their careers because of their newfound natural charm as well. They get bonuses, raises, promotions, and more influence in their companies.
Today, we’re going to cover how you can first find and then capitalize on your own natural charm so it can serve you at work, at parties, and on dates. Excited?
Here we go:
1. Find Your Own Natural Charm.
There are two main aspects to your natural charm, which I call your Values and Factors.
Your Factors are your most attractive qualities that “get you in the door” by creating an excellent first impression for you in all contexts: dating, relationships, work, social.
To find your most attractive qualities, or Factors, think of the compliments you get most often and the things you most like about yourself, with at least one quality in each of these areas:
- Your Looks: great eyes, great hair, strong arms, fit body, good sense of style, etc.
- Your Interpersonal Skills: great listener, caring, interesting to talk to, full of ideas, positive, fun, easy to be around.
- Your Talents / Personality: intelligent, skilled at X, any trait you get complimented on that doesn’t fall in Looks or Interpersonal categories.
From there, choose your top five. These are your most attractive qualities, or “Factors.”
The second aspect of your natural charm is made of your top five Values. This is what endears people to you once they have that initial impression of you via your Factors. Whereas your Factors give you initial appeal, your Values give you depth.
To find your deepest values, you can look up a list of values on Google, or you can go to page 17 of this ebook. Once you’ve found a list, note all your favorite values. From there, narrow down to your top five, and order them from most important on down.
When you’re done with your Values and Factors, you will have 10 words that make up your Attractive Vibe, or your own natural charm.
There are no two people with exactly the same natural charm or the same Values and Factors with the same background and meaning behind each word. Everyone is different and uniquely appealing in their own way.
There are all kinds of different archetypes of ideal men not at all like each other, except that each archetype is comfortable in his own skin.
For example, as a woman I’m attracted to big and burly guys, intellectual and reserved guys, lively and benevolent guys, and mysterious and quiet guys.
There are so many variations on “the strong silent type,” the traditional “alpha” type, and everyone in between. As long as men are comfortable with themselves, as far as I’m concerned they’re all sexy.
2. Capitalize on your natural charm.
Now we’ll look at how to capitalize on your own natural charm on a daily basis as well as in the specific cases of work, parties, and getting dates.
Capitalizing on Your Natural Charm on a Daily Basis:
Don’t underestimate the power of little things you can do every day to feel more charming. Half the battle is discerning WHAT to focus on and where to put your energy for maximum results.
There are 3 things you can do every day that can have a big impact on how charming you feel and how well you come across:
1. Dress well. Wear clothes that fit well before you step out of the house.
2. Keep your house clean and tidy. Might not sound like the most “masculine” thing to focus on, but it really makes you proud to have women over, and it makes you feel like you have your shit together.
3. Stick to positive self-talk. How you talk to yourself is everything. Remind yourself daily of your Values and Factors, and keep that positivity and pride flowing throughout your day, whether you’re alone or with others. This positivity lets your natural charm come out more.
Capitalizing on Your Natural Charm at Work:
When you’re at a job interview, talking to your boss, or rubbing elbows with colleagues or VIPs, (1) focus on natural connection between you, and (2) keep the vibe positive and low-key.
Ramit Sethi had me on his ZTL Live Show a couple weeks ago, and the feedback I got from all my friends and family who watched was that I looked relaxed, comfortable, graceful, and poised all at the same time. How did I exude all that at once, much less on stage? Because I knew and trusted my natural charm and focused on an easeful connection.
Capitalizing on Your Natural Charm at Parties:
When you’re at a party, the steps are the same: (1) focus on natural connections between you and others, and (2) keep it chill and fun. One of the easiest “hacks” for this is getting curious about the other people there. This takes you out of your own head and into the moment with them.
Capitalizing on Your Natural Charm When Getting Dates:
When you’re talking to an attractive woman, your natural charm is a mix of being bold and listening. You’re bold and unafraid with your intentions, and you’re also receptive and listening with your eyes, ears, and intuition.
A few important things to showcase your natural charm:
1. Stay comfortable in your own skin. This is just like I mentioned before.
2. Touch her! This is very important. Keep it light at first to gauge initial interest, and become flirtatious from there. If you feel unsure in this area, go here for a free 5-day training on going from first touch to first kiss.
3. Move things along swiftly. Meet, connect, and follow up. Let the confidence from your natural charm drive the interaction along at a nice pace.
4. Stay tuned into what’s around you. Rather than being afraid, timid, or self-conscious, which gets you lost in your own head, instead know and rest in the fact that you are two attractive people interacting: you and her. That’s the fact. Remembering that helps keep you comfortable and engaged.
I hope that was helpful!
When it comes down to it, you ARE naturally charming. It’s just a matter of uncovering your own natural charm and capitalizing on it in the moment. Following these steps will help you with that. Start now: what is the first thing you’re going to implement from this article?
Sarah Jones founded Introverted Alpha to help smart introverted men attract women naturally. Her work has been featured on AskMen, Cosmo, The Huffington Post, Business Insider, San Francisco Chronicle, and more. Go to IntrovertedAlpha.com to get in-depth free training on attracting women naturally.