The Menprovement Podcast: Episode #133
Our Sponsor: Vitamonk
Episode #133 is sponsored by VitaMonk. Vitamonk is launching right now as we speak in a pretty major way. They already have around 20 supplements that are available right now, and they are going to add a lot more over the course of next several months.
Hi, I’m Harry Wilmington!
Let me ask you a question: when it comes to your dating life, are you constantly getting:
• Laughed at?
• Not being paid attention to?
Or, are you a guy who is able to get women to date you for a while – maybe even have them become your girlfriend – only to screw it up later and LOSE them?
If so, FEAR NOT!
I used to be like you. In my younger days, I was absolutely TERRIBLE when it came to interacting with the opposite sex.
I said the wrong things and did the wrong actions, and you know where it got me?
That’s right – SINGLESVILLE.
I’ve made mistakes with girls you couldn’t even imagine:
• Chased after a girl who I knew had a boyfriend? Check!
• Took a girl to see “Passion of the Christ” on a first date? Check!
• Brushed off a girl’s buying signals as her “just being friendly?” Check!
• Jokingly telling a girl she could be my “eye candy” on a date, not realizing how insulting it was? Check!
• Told girls up front that I was a virgin (and remained so until age 23?) Check!
Thankfully, things didn’t last this way forever.
Thanks to a few close male friends who were willing to show me the ropes, combined with my own research and real-word experiences, I finally figured out how to interact with women in more positive ways, to the point where I could get with them on emotional, physical and spiritual levels…
But that’s not what my materials are about.
You see, part of the problem I had during those years was that, even though I was learning the so-called “right” ways to turn women on…
I STILL DIDN’T HAVE A DEEP UNDERSTANDING OF WHY THE THINGS I WAS DOING TO TRY AND ATTRACT GIRLS WAS ACTUALLY CHASING THEM AWAY.
If you look at your own dating life, you may also find yourself in the same boat I was once in. You’re meeting girls and doing everything you think you should in order to turn them on…
…and yet, you remain single.
You can’t understand it: as far as you know, you’re everything a woman says she wants in her guy:
• You’re a gentleman
• You’re nice
• You compliment her all the time
• You go out of your way to do things for her
• You’re willing to change up your schedule to spend time with her
• You never, EVER talk about sex around her
Well, guess what, guy?
Despite what you THINK you know, I, Harry Wilmington, can tell you EXACTLY why NONE of these behaviors or actions will help you get or keep a girl for long.
Let me go one step further: I can explain why doing all these things will actually cause you to LOSE the girl you’re after! The advice given at this site is based on my dating life in two parts:
• As a BAD dater, in which I give you all the examples of what NOT to do based on personal dating mishaps I’ve already gone through (so you don’t have to)
• As a GREAT dater, in which I give you examples of tips & strategies I’ve used to be a dating dynamo! (You like that word, right? Well, guess what – with my help, you could be a “dynamo” at dating, too!)
1) Be Purposeful
You’re a guy and the girl wants to feel that. She is the one chasing after butterflies and you are the one who needs to kill bears and hunt for food, to put it bluntly.
In today’s world we don’t really need to do that frankly, but a girl still wants you to be in charge and take control of the situation.
If there is a purpose behind everything you do (hugging, deciding where you want to go for a date), instead of wishy-washiness, your attractiveness in her eyes will skyrocket.
2) Do Your Own Thing Regardless of Commentary
Have you ever found yourself trying to be someone you’re not in order to impress a girl you like?
Let’s say you like metal music and she doesn’t, all of a sudden you don’t like metal music too?
Well you should never compromise your core values to please a girl. Get to know yourself and be unapologetically you!
3) Be Clear in Your Intentions
What does being clear in your intentions mean? It’s simply an alignment between your words thoughts and actions. A lot of times your intention might be divided.
You see a hot girl. Part of you wants to have sex with her, other part of you wants a validation from her, other part of you wants to look cool in front of your friends. Become aware of the fact that this is going on in your mind and decide on one intention.
Great one to start with is a sincere intention to talk to her, or see if she’s cool.
4) Flip The Script
Do you constantly feel like you have to prove “yourself to be enough”. Well, how about you let the girl prove herself if she meets your standards. By having standards you subconsciously communicate to her that you are a man of value who will not tolerate a second class behavior.
If you have the standards, all of the sudden you tilt the buyer-seller dynamic in your favor. You are not trying to sell yourself anymore, all you want to do is to see if a girl you’re talking to is a good match for you.
Yeah I know it’s easier said then done if you didn’t have a girl for ages or if you are a virgin. But just do a thought experiment and imagine how would it feel like if it was true.
5) Don’t Try To Be Friends First
Here is what happens if you go for friendship first. When a woman talks to you for the first time, she has no idea of what to make of you.
After enough time spent together though she HAS TO put you in some kind of bracket. Bracket available are:
- Lover (this is where you want to be)
- Provider (a guy who will buy her stuff and take care of her)
- Friend (usually with no benefits)
A lot of times its up to you to decide what frame you establish from the start. But know that once the frame is established that window closes pretty soon. If you don’t put any intentions of romantic relationship early enough that are clear it will be too late soon enough.
I’m not trying to say you can’t be friends with your girlfriend, but this is something you want to develop later on.
6) Enjoy The Present Moment
If the girl feels like you have an agenda she will instinctively smell the nasty smell of neediness. Don’t make any actions into stepping stones to the bedroom. Simply enjoy the now and allow things to unfold as they come, keeping the large picture endgame in the periphery of your mind.
7) Leave Space For Investment
A lot of times guys will learn all the theory of becoming better with women and they try to implement it all. This may be good in a short term, but too many gimmicks mindsets shifts in the same time may leave a girl overwhelmed, paradoxically lowering your chances with her.
The eagerness of implementing all the great advice you learned may backfire, as you all of a sudden look try hard. You also are left feeling like you have to do all those things that are going to trigger attraction in her.
Well, the paradox of the situation is that if you feel like you need to do all those things, they come from a place of overcompensation and you’re back to square one.
Leave some breathing room in the interaction, remember that girl is not your enemy and she also wants to impress you. A lot of times its about learning where to just let go and do nothing and let women to put in the work.
8) Use Touch The Right Way
Touching is an important aspect of establishing the right frame. There are countless ways of going about it. What you learned in the traditional pickup advice might feel a bit too much for some.
In fact a lot of girls feel quite creeped out when guys try to execute their kino escalation sequence on them.
Well, it shows no emotional awareness of where she is at. You treat her like an object to practice your game on.
The way I like to think about it is that touch is simply one of the ways to develop closeness with a girl. It is an emotional build up and you want to make her comfortable with each step.
Once she is comfortable with hugging, then maybe she will be open to hold hands for a bit etc. etc.
More on it in the actual episode.
Harry’s Website – Stop Losing Women
Thanks For Listening:
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What is one thing you are going to implement after listening to this podcast episode? Leave a comment below, or join me in the Facebook group