It’s a false statement that all men are messy; some women are just as messy as the messiest man. Actually, I’d say that men, overall, are less messy simply because they have less accouterments in their product box.
And there is another reason: men know what their bedroom status, albeit silently, lets women know. Single men have a reputation for having their bedroom in clean, satisfying order. If they don’t then they know that date will turn right around and be out the door–unless she’s into messy.
Guys, if she’s into messiness, take that as a sign that she’s into drama. A grown woman should be able to somewhat aesthetically organize her life before ‘bow chika wow wow’ company comes over.
So what is it about marriage that turns the bedroom into a daisy-filled harbor for boredom and laundry folding? It’s unfortunate and it doesn’t have to be that way! Here are a few ways to turn your bedroom into the sexual, emotional, marital sanctuary for you both:
1) Lock it Down
Whether you have kids or not, having a lock on your bedroom door will subconsciously solidify it as a place of importance and secrecy. Treat your bedroom like it’s sacred and not just for anyone. There’s just something about locking the door behind you that puts you in your own world; that’s a difficult thing to obtain in today’s society where we know, see and hear everything about everyone.
2) No Photos of Kids or In-Laws
It’s overwhelmingly creepy how many marital beds are adorned above and around with photos of in-laws, or Christmas cards depicting smiling relatives. It’s like they are watching you. It’s a natural effort when you combine your lives together—you assume it’s just what you should do. However, if you’re like most married couples, I’m guessing you see your in-laws, parents and kids enough as it is. Take a break and take back your bedroom.
Put photos of you and your wife together, or better yet, invest in art that makes you feel relaxed and sensual.
3) Turn off the Television
We’ve heard this before, but it is true: too much TV in the bedroom can be detrimental to your sex life. However, no TV can be just as detrimental. With a television in the room you can listen to music, watch a movie and fall asleep. Or you can enjoy breakfast in bed as you watch the news together or rent a dirty movie and be already in the comfort of your love nest.
4) Don’t Bring Work into Your Bedroom
DO NOT work on your laptop while lying in bed (women are the worst I will admit). When you’re sitting there in ‘work mode’ you tend to dismiss the importance of the person sitting or lying beside you. You miss the opportunity to fall asleep together, to talk together, to listen to each other, and worst of all you create a boundary of books and gadgets that scream “this is more important than you right now”.
Designate a space in your home to do office work and Leave It In That Space. Every marriage therapist agrees today that the bedroom should be for two things: sex and sleep. Heed their warning.
5) Take the Fights Outside
Make the bedroom a No-Fight zone. Go to the kitchen or the living room, but don’t do it in the bedroom. There are many benefits to this; if you say, “ I don’t want to fight in our bedroom”, it will immediately soften her anger. Because, that’s the sweetest thing any woman could imagine a guy saying.
However, she could always turn it around and say, “Well you don’t mind working in the bedroom” (see number four). Regardless, making it a policy to not fight in the bedroom will help you keep a clear head when you must be in there, whether you have company or when you are preparing for sleep. Plus, it will become a habit that will solidify to you that the bedroom and the person you share it with are important. Aw.
6) Buy a New Mattress
It doesn’t have to be new, just new to both of you. If I could offer ONE brilliant piece of advice, it would be this: Invest in a bed that only she and you have been intimate in together.
This was a stipulation that a friend of mine had when she was preparing to move in with her fiancé. They have an incredibly strong marriage, maybe not in whole because of the bed but I’m sure it helped. Either way, it’s an important symbol of your life together; invest in it.
Many things get dulled in marriage but by following the aforementioned rules you can work to instill a bit of the old spark back into your life.
Additionally, research shows that the comfort and ambiance of your bedroom, coupled with the quality of your sex life, directly affects every other aspect of your life as well.
Marriage is a bond, as annoying as that bond can be, it only stops being annoying (and begins to be rewarding) when you nurture it. And if you start that process anywhere, you should reward yourself and your wife, by starting it in the bedroom.