We live in a culture that is constantly inundated and updated with new technology. No matter what side of the techno fence your on, most can agree that many of these advances have provided amazing benefits to our society and economy. However, with the headphones, the endless video games, the texting, and the app that turns your phone into a whoopee-cushion (yes, that exists; and no you should not download it) it’s easy to forget the benefits of some wrongly labeled ‘relics’ and how they can improve your life. That’s right. Some of those relics are incredibly useful, badass staples that any man should have in his possession. Although it’s hard to narrow all of them down, here is a list of the Absolutely Necessary TOP 5:
1) KEROSENE LAMP
Why it made the list: Fire was one hell of an invention, props to the caveman (or cavewoman) who singed their hair for the sake of curiosity and eventually the betterment of humanity. We’ve harnessed it in many ways, including scented candles. Don’t get me wrong, women love a guy who takes pride in his place, but candles can be a tricky thing. It’s not that we will judge you for having a scented candle; we will just hope that it was a gift from your sister and not a prized possession you picked out after hours of candle surfing in Target. Play it safe and opt for a stylish Kerosene lamp.
Function: It sets an incredible mood whether for relaxing, romancing or even camping in your own living room. (Don’t tell me you don’t want to camp in the living room of your apartment in the noisy city.) AND there is something incredibly hot about a guy who has a kerosene lamp. It shows capability.
Sidenote: When the power goes out at your party do you want to be the stereotype fumbling for your iPhone flashlight, or the bad ass lighting your wick in the night? Pun. Intended.
2) ROCKING CHAIR (Yes, I’m serious.)
Why it made the list: Rocking chairs are making a comeback. It’s no longer ‘Peepaw’ options of either brown or dark brown; there’s a plethora of rockers out there for the most stylish of bachelors.
Function: Recent research is being done into “rocking chair therapy” and how the benefits of rocking help with back issues, especially disc issues (many of which are caused by intense workouts).
Sidenote: You have not lived until you’ve made love in an armless rocking chair. Trust. It put expensive sex furniture to shame. To Shame I tell you.
3) A GOOD BOTTLE OF WHISKY
Why it made the list: Whisky will never go out of style. Screw the fancy cocktails and the empty cases of Coors that are the calling card for desperation. I’m not saying don’t have a great beer on hand in the fridge; I’m simply saying that sometimes a tumbler full of whisky holds the secret to a great night.
Function: Whiskey is for deep thoughts, good conversations and incredible date nights in. If you’re not having any of those, chances are you aren’t the owner of a fine aged whiskey. Spend some dough on a nice bottle, whichever style you prefer, and share it with the people you respect the most.
Sidenote: If you don’t know much about whiskey don’t be ashamed, just go to a nice shop and ask the owner. I’ve never met an owner who didn’t love to recommend good whiskey.
4) RECORD PLAYER
Why it made the list: Because we NEED to take this away from hipsters AND there is some maj
or truth to the heralding of the miraculous sounds of that vinyl.
Function: Not only is the sound unique but how you handle a vinyl says a lot about you as a man. The delicacy of sliding out the record and the manual stimulation involved with the player; it’s hot. When a guy knows his way around good records and a vintage record player it’s assumed he knows his way around…other things. It also shows that you appreciate the timelessness.
Sidenote: Put your phone away while you’re listening alone, BUT especially while on a date. It’s just like being in the fifties except women don’t wear girdles and we aren’t shunned for not wanting children.
Pour a glass of whiskey and listen to Son House’s ‘Forever On my Mind’ and she will think you are every one of her pomade dreams come to life.
Buy one: Amazon has a great selection.
5) SHAVING KIT
Why it made the list: A good shaving kit is a luxury every man should have. Sure you can Bic your way into your day but why not take once a week to really care for the most prominent part of your look with a good old fashioned shave?
Function: It’s relaxing and satisfying and the smell is catnip to single women (and married women for that matter); all my husband has to do when I’m angry is pull out his shaving kit and I’m mesmerized into a love trance. If done correctly, it’s a million times more efficient and smoother than an average disposable razor.
Sidenote: There are dozens of options depending on what type of razor you’re interested in; personally I love the smoothness men get with a straight razor. Just be careful and don’t cut yourself! Find a good tutorial on-line first. I would suggest having a shaving buddy the first time, but that could get weird.
There you have it, the Top 5 items. PLEASE, don’t just go out and buy any of these items at a garage sale or Wal Mart; take time and spend the money to find the style and quality that YOU think is best. Plus, if you can’t find anything, the suggestions made above are all of quality.
You guys spend the better part of your days attempting to make yourselves more attractive to women, but the fact is that what we really want to see is a relaxed and confident YOU. It’s hard to achieve that in a techno driven world. I’m not saying these items will cure you of all stress and get a girl into bed, BUT I’m also not saying they won’t.