This is a guest post by Sean of Unrougue.com. Sean Lives life on the edge and in this article he shows you how to channel your sex drive to do just that. If you enjoy this, check out our post on how to become a multi-orgasmic man, to take this practice into overdrive.
Part 1: sex is your engine: don’t let it ride you
The whole reason we’re here, at a base level, is to fuck. If you’re sick or highly stressed, your desire turns off, but as soon as you have the health pyramid handled, your thoughts are going to turn to, how can I get laid?
No question, this is true.
The reason this needs to be stated is that all great feats, all heroic ventures, all scientific inquiries and creations and triumphs of man are done for one reason: the thought that:
[quote]“this is gonna get me laid.”[/quote]
We can sugar coat it, but those are the facts.
This is important to understand for one reason:
Sex is your most powerful engine.
Listen to this podcast (particularly the first story) and see what a life with no testosterone is like. The storyteller, who had essentially 0 testosterone for an extended period, describes his life as void of desire. In fact, it sounds awfully similar to first-person accounts of the “enlightenment” state. An abiding non-attachment to anything, while simultaneously holding everything as beautiful.
Sex drive is the engine you can use to power anything you may imagine, and if your desires extend beyond sex (which they should), then you need to understand how to harness your core power to achieve your dreams.
You have to learn sexual ju-jitsu.
You are a sailing ship on the open ocean, and sex drive is the wind to your sails. With no wind, you’ll putter along aimlessly, being tossed in myriad directions, probably dying at sea. With the wind at your back though, you’ll be able to reach any place you desire.[quote]You see, you can redirect and shape your desire to power yourself towards any shore, but it takes discipline.[/quote]
One of the core skills of the successful is reshaping their sex drive (adjusting their sails) to direct them in the direction they’d like to go. You can end up on the shores of Africa, if you know how to harness the wind.
Until you learn to shape and direct your sex drive, you’ll never realize your potential. In other words:
[quote]If you don’t channel your sex energy, you’re letting your horse ride you.[/quote]
I see so many guys shitting their life down the tubes because they are constantly exhausting their infinite resource and axis of motivation by wanking every day or ejaculating into any woman they can find.
Not that you can’t do that, but anybody who actually pays attention to their body (as I’ll describe later), will notice a distinct feeling of draining occurs every time you come.
And it makes sense too. You give your best energy to the next generation. Semen looks like a tiny thing, but it’s packed with nutrients that are costly to come by, and costly to produce.
Each ejaculation, is literally a gift of your life force.
And if you’re not trying to have a kid, where is that life force going? Onto your girl’s smeared makeup? Into a latex bag to be flushed down the toilet?
Pause and reflect on that.
The Ancient Chinese Art Of The Jade Stalk
What i’m getting at is that semen retention is a useful tool.
What the heck is that Sean? I screw to nut!
No, you really don’t.
If you’re like most guys, you probably wonder how you can last longer. Probably for one of these reasons:
– Fear of not satisfying the girl
– Wanting to prolong the good vibes
I’m guessing the real reason is number two.
Coming is nice, but sex is more fun.
In contrast to a furious spank session, most guys want to spend more time screwing, and less time chilling in the refractory period. That’s why practices devoted to “lasting longer” (what i’m calling semen retention) have been popular for centuries.
In fact, most major religions have had at least one sect explicitly using these sexual practices, from the “Coitus reservatus” of the Roman Catholics, to “cai Yin pu Yang” of the Daoists, to “Maithuna” in Tantric Hinduism.
This is one way you can never get bored of the same girl!
Keeping your semen inside has two major benefits:
– Prolonging the enjoyment of sex
– Preserving your “cosmic vitamins”
In other words, if you want to fuck a lot, you shouldn’t be coming a lot.
Thankfully, there are ways to delay coming (while still orgasming as much as you want!), for that, keep reading..
Part 2: A Beginner’s Guide To Sexual Mastery
Feeling Into Your Body
In part one we covered the need to harness your sexual energy in order to achieve your worldly dreams.
In part two we’ll cover practical ways to do exactly this.
Step 1) Your Breath Is Your Life
Step one is breathing into your body.
If you pay close attention, you can feel desire often manifests itself as tightness, or constriction. If you’ve ever gone a long time without working out, without expressing your emotions, or without having sex, you’ve felt this. This most often happens when we’re not genuine in expression.
Naturally, this messes up our breathing patterns.
In addition to our daily foolishness sitting in chairs, worrying about nonsense, and chasing things we don’t really want, our sex really sucks.
As any yoga teacher will tell you, your breathing is fucked up. It’s not normal. Our shallow, quick breaths spike our cortisol, activate our sympathetic nervous system, and lead to never being relaxed.
If you want good sex, you have to relax.
That’s really the whole secret.
Sex is relaxing, not a reason to get uptight. And if you are feeling nervous? Like you need to “perform” better or “impress” the girl? You’re probably with the wrong girl.
Any simple meditation practice will do, but the especially important ones are simply becoming aware of your breath. If you meditate at all, you’ve probably done this, feeling into your belly and discovering what your diaphragm feels like as it contracts and relaxes.
But how often do you carry this awareness around with you throughout the day?
You breathe thousands of times every day, and due to the stress we feel most of these are of the shallow, stressful variety, instead of the full, deep and relaxing variety.
So the first principle of orgasm control during sex: BREATHE DEEPLY INTO YOUR INTESTINES.
This will delay your orgasm.
Step 2) Chakras? That’s Bullshit Man
Skip the faux-scientific explanations and just listen to your body, that’s all. If you spend sufficient time paying attention to where you feel emotions, you’ll notice “chakras”, even if you don’t want to call them that.
We even use language that reflects this fact.
[quote]“I had a gut feeling he was a bad guy.”[/quote]
[quote]“Listen to your heart.”[/quote]
[quote]“Your head’s in the clouds.”[/quote]
[quote]“My balls were bursting.”[/quote]
Basically you have bundles of nerve endings up and down your spine that sit in certain locations. And these correspond to emotional centers as well. When you feel love, you can literally feel your “heart” area swell. When you feel powerful and ambitious, you have a “fire in your belly”.
This relates to sex because you can USE these centers as a tool to bring variety and strength to your sex life. Sex from different points of view, if you will.
Sidenote: If you take the view that what science can’t describe doesn’t exist, you’re going to have an awfully hard time dealing with the world at large, which will continually hit you with unexplainable, paradoxical circumstances.
How do you begin to feel your chakras?
You’ll notice as you get closer and closer to orgasm, all your energy becomes “trapped” in your balls. The secret to prolonging your sex as long as you want is: move that energy around.
That’s right. Move it from your balls up your spine. Throw it out the top of your head. Let it swirl around your heart. Let it dance within your belly. And let it support you from below your feet.
Ok, but that’s too esoteric. Let’s get to how you can begin to feel that, and incorporate it into your sex life.
Step 3) Self-Love As A Learning Tool
Well, wanking just doesn’t sound professional.
I’m going to throw this up in contrast to standard masturbation. When you masturbate, you probably
– Flip on some porn
– Drop your pants and go to town
– Wash up about 10 minutes later
When you self-love, you’re going to:
– Chill on your bed with the lights off
– Turn on some calming music
– Feel your body, and pay attention to the sensations
– Sigh with pleasure, maybe a lot
/“Dude, that’s some hippy shit.”/
No that’s some Christian ascetic, Chinese mystic, Mongol warlord bullshit. I didn’t invent this stuff.
You don’t need to spend any more time with this than you would during a standard wank, although you might want to go 20 or 30 minutes. The point is to note your different stages of arousal.
Don’t You Want To Know Your Stages Of Arousal?
If you’re like most guys, you probably feel your arousal as a binary, On-Off kind of switch. But it’s much more subtle than that.
Mantak Chia has described arousal as happening in four stages:
You don’t have to worry about dividing it up, but you can definitely notice, for example, the difference between rock hard, lots of energy, and system failure, coming at any instant.
The other thing is, since you’re going to practice self-love without relying on external stimulus, you’ll have to probe your imagination for imagery, and more importantly, feel directly the sensations of your body as you touch yourself.
/“That’s weird man, I ain’t going to self-love on myself for an hour.”/
Listen dude. Loving yourself (not the minimal cock-loving I’m describing here) is among the most important things as a human you need to do. Not half-assed, “Oh yeah, of course I care about myself”. But a fully committed I come first, no questions attitude to living. (And conveniently, this is very attractive to women as well).
This comes first before family, before women, before friends. Loving yourself. If you don’t believe me, ask successful investor, builder, entrepreneur, and ladies man Kamal Ravikant how loving himself brought him back from the brink.
Part 3: Bringing it all together
So how can you save your fuel, and use it to power your goals?
Not only do you need to relearn about your own desire by relating to yourself through self-love, you need to relearn about all of your emotions and bring them into your sex practice.
In order to really embrace sex as a tool for self-growth, you need to up the emotional content.
Most people fuck in exactly one way, all the time. I’m not referring to positions, those are inconsequential. I’m talking about emotional variety.
You have a rut you’re in that says, “sex must be slow and loving.” Or “sex must be fast, hard and dominant.”
Even that is a false binary decision.
In one night, I can laugh hysterically, moan appreciately, grunt powerfully, cry mournfully. Sometimes all of that happens within about 5 minutes.
Emotions Are Expressed Pre-Vocally
Humans roughly as we are today, existed for thousands of years before developing words. But communication is far older.
In fact communication really all happens pre-verbally. And I would argue that a lot of it is even more important than that.
And it turns out that what most people communicate during sex is pretty bland.[quote]“Oh god. Yes. Right there. Mmmhhhm.”[/quote]
Whereas for a person with a more diverse repertoire of emotional content, there can be an infinite variety of tones of expression. This is the whole reason that sex can be interesting enough, passionate enough, and exciting enough that coming becomes more of an afterthought than the main dish.
I use basically three “tones” for sex. These roughly correspond to my:
– balls/perineum/gut (think low, dusky grunts)
– heart (warm cooing and appreciative ahhhhhs)
– head (high-pitched screaming, yelling, yipping, laughing)
The point is that using your voice as a tool of expression allows you to more fully appreciate your partner, develop greater dynamic range, and enjoy a multicolored sex life that goes and goes and goes.
You Must Be Comfortably Vulnerable With A Girl To Truly Dominate Her
Of course none of this works with a girl you aren’t comfortable with. Show of hands who wants to cry with a hottie you just brought home from the club? No one?
But it’s the primary reason that sex gets better over time. It’s not just partners beginning to understand preferences – where you like to be touched, how your bodies react, what positions really light you up – it’s being comfortable enough to express the whole range of human emotion through the medium of sex.
Most of you have 1-Dimensional sex. I have Multi-Dimensional sex, and you can too.
You’re only really cheating yourself if all you want is a nut.
Not only is this more interesting, it’s also one of the key components that addicts partners to each other. (Basically you become her sexual crack pipe.)
Most guys are so boring that you can become the exciting emotional roller coaster that women crave, without resorting to actually being a capricious asshole if you don’t want to.
But one caveat: You can’t be afraid to express emotion. That’s what this is all about.
I just finished a session with one of my regular girls. Woke her up with sweet kisses, and the sound of my voice in her ear.
She told me, “You must have come almost five minutes, you kept…/vibrating/.”
The Feeling Of Coming (How To Save Your Fuel)
So you’ve tried deep breathing, you’ve tried to switch positions, and you still feel on the brink of orgasm. What’s the number one way to delay?
First, know why you feel like you need to come.
Essentially you’ve gathered energy around your balls, and just held it there, like a tightly-balled fist. This is uncomfortable just like squeezing a muscle hard for a really long time is uncomfortable. You need to release, you need to discharge all that energy. Where can it go? How can you release it?
Scream and yell like a damned madman. Grip and fidget and shout at the top of your lungs. Let all of your desires, lust, and power come out in a primordial scream.
And see how energized you are.
What’s holding you back?