It happens. Girls go out together. To play pool in glitter bikini tops. You got a problem? No, you’ve got a warm feeling. There’s something about that girl in the garter belt and high-slit dress. Nevermind, that’s just a poster of Betty Boop. Regardless, how is it possible to get past Evette and Linette to make a night Georgette will never forget? No problem. All you need to do is stop rhyming and bring on your steel boxers. The insights below will also arm you in the event metal underwear become too uncomfortable.
Fact #1: Women are out to protect each other… from you.
That’s right, women dress up to look as palatable as a plate of candied candy corns, only to stand in each other’s way should you swoop in for a little nibble. What do you think this is? A meat expo? Would a piece of meat endure giant plastic platforms with fish swimming in the heel? Didn’t think so. Have some respect.
Fact #2: Bring your clippers.
Because the object of your desire is surrounded by the proverbial barbed wire that are her girlfriends, best for you to disarm them all with your clippers. What are your clippers? Hypnotizing levels of self-confidence, charm, and wit. Clippers are also a popular Californian basketball team, with whom, if you have personal connections, should definitely be brought along as well.
Fact #3: Approach, but not that way.
Women want to be noticed by men. Whether consciously or subconsciously, it explains all the effort. To avoid being rejected, stop dancing that way (really? You can do the Macarena to anything? Fascinating). Instead, speak their tongue, know the words to their favorite songs (this is the blonde one, right?). Impart your knowledge of the contents of that purply purple stuff they’re drinking (baby rabbit’s tears, sugar juice). If you’re also there to have a good time, you won’t come across as having an ulterior motive.
Fact #4: The Spice Girls were right after all.
“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” There’s absolutely no way you’re going to get anywhere by being too obviously interested in sex, or too obviously disinterested in the girls that surround your potential mate. She’s chosen them as the folks she chooses to spend her valuable time with, for whatever reason, so it serves you to get to know her by getting to know them as well. If you try to throw all the hard work that went into their choice of attire or friends, it’s kind of like performing social self-immolation. Burn.
Fact #5: You’re worth it, and so are they.
Bottom line, there’s no such thing as one in a group of many. There’s a single organism and you are a guest being invited or thrown out of the parlor. Should you do well, Charlie, you just may have yourself an angel. If you do really well, maybe a few. For the Clippers of course.
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