How to be a TRUE Player (It’s Not What You Think…)

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What I want to share with you here, is not some bubble gum technique for you to deploy in your arsenal of game.  This is something infinitely more long-lasting and powerful.  This is changing who you are and how you show up with women and the world, at the deepest level.  This is about you taking off the handbrake and becoming a naturally attractive and effortlessly charismatic man.  This is about burning the old scripts of working hard for a woman’s affection, and unleashing the most enjoyable version of you. 

Let me tell you my story…

It’s 2011 and I’m in Melbourne coaching for a dating company. I would go out with a cameraman and they’d ask me to shoot pick up videos of me getting girls numbers on the street.  You know the sort!

One afternoon, whilst on camera, I’m egged on to try and get the girl’s number who’s working as a barista, in the coffee house, as part of an “instant number close” attempt.  In that moment, instead of seeking a close, I remember thinking; “Sod that! Right now I’m just going to let go and have some fun”.

Barista: “What would you like?”

Me: “Can I have…um… your phone number?” 

In that moment, I really didn’t want her number; I’m just amusing myself.  In fact, I scan the board of drinks as I’m doing it, as if I’m choosing between a Latte or a Cappuccino, which was funny to me!

Barista: “I don’t know about that, what a guy I’ve just me on the street?”

Me:  “Look! Do I have to order a croissant with it?”

I’m just continuing the play, it’s like a role-play, where I’m assuming a character role and it’s an invitation for her to snap out her mundane work role and enjoy the escapism with me.

And here’s the thing, I had completely no interest in the need for a result. Whether she gives me a number or not didn’t matter. I was winning at playing, and the play was cascading into MORE play with her.

Then after a bit of banter back and forth…

Barista: “Ok here it is”. 

She writes it down and hands it to me.

This was a massive light bulb moment. Even though you could argue that on the surface level I was asking for a number as I had done before, the intention was now different.  I had completely let go of the need for the number, and was just revelling in the play of the moment. 

I eventually walk off and the cameraman says to me “good job with the number”.  In that moment I’m confused. I had forgotten about the number, as I wasn’t even thinking in those terms anymore.  I was fulfilled with how entertaining it was, and how hilarious it must be to watch.  There was also a magic created.

The magic was intangible, I couldn’t put my finger on it but I knew something powerful had shifted in my mind and I’d never be the same again.

Suddenly, I had achieved the thing I had been working hard for before whilst doing all these robotic “pick ups” on the street, but now there was no rejection, no approaching, no win/lose, no controlling, no stress.  I had completely let go.  Paradoxically I was more attractive, more charismatic and women genuinely loved this version of me and were keen to hook up with me.

As I started to unravel what I had discovered, I realised I had created a massive paradigm shift in the men’s dating world.  That magic I had created was PLAY.

Play is something so simple, children do it.  As adults we may think it’s immature to play, and we now have to work hard. But play is the lost art to effortless attraction and charisma.

From that point on, I started exploring PLAY more and I could feel myself on the threshold of work & play.  I’d see girls and still have that old script of trying to work painstakingly for an outcome.  Then there’d be this new revitalised John that just wanted to relax and play WITH girls.  What I realised was, the John that was trying to work for outcomes, was the abstraction and the part of me that was lost, confused and desperate.  It was the part of me that just wanted to play, which was the true me, the authentic me, the attractive me, the me that everyone wanted to be around.

There was no going back now.

I continued to live form this place.  I’d be coaching in Europe on boot camps with the Australian company and we’d be in nightclubs and whilst they’d all be stressfully scanning the venue, like the Terminator and working their objectives, I was different.  I was returning to being the fun party host,  (which I used to do for a living).  Letting go of all objectives and just playing freely with people around me.  By switching from work to play there was no judgment on my interactions anymore.  Therefore no need to control anything.  I had let go and was just swimming around in this pool of potential. Just like children do when they enter a playground.  There’s no approaching or forcing anything.  They’re just playing and being guided by their curiosity and excitement to create. And that’s what I was doing.

The girls would be attracted to me and the rest of the coaches would look and feel like a fish out of water!  Completely out of place and not knowing how to talk to girls in this setting.  They’d ask me what I was doing and why all the girls were gravitating towards me and not them. Why I was looking so at ease with it all too, whilst they found it all so much hard work.  My response was always:  I’m the only guy in the room NOT doing game. I’m the one having the most fun.

They could not understand, as to them getting girls was all about game, and all about working hard for it and using techniques.  And yet here I was, surrounded by beautiful girls and looking like the best “gamer” in the club.

Play is the most natural human ability to explore the world and access all its possibility.  It’s also where the most growth occurs. 

Think about a kid when they’re learning a new sport.  He simply learns through play and experimentation.  It’s fun.  Then he may imagine himself as a famous footballer, which is also a form of play. He may go to a boot camp and be taught various football techniques (work) but that’s not really where the fun lies.  Where he’s at his best and learns the most is when he’s playing.  

True mastery is in PLAY.

All the men that are naturally attractive to women and make it look easy to others, the secret is they are just playing.  In fact we call these people “Players” – the clue is in the title!

Go and observe people that are great with women and make it look so easy.

  1. Are they having fun?
  2. Are they enjoying themselves within their own actions?
  3. Are other people now enjoying themselves in their presence?

Compare this now to people who are not comfortable in social settings.  People that struggle interacting with women. Are they having fun? Most likely they’re not.  The reason?  They’ve made the interactions all about work.

So one simple tip you can apply right now:  When you’re in an interaction, if you’re getting nervous, relax and enjoy it more.  You can even say to yourself how can I make this more amusing and enjoyable. 

I did a talk in Leicester Square to a group of guys in 2012 and one guy asked; “What do I have to do to get into a play state?”  He was viewing play as an objective that needed to be hit before he was ready.  This is work masquerading as play.  Play is not something you need to work hard for.  Think about when you were a kid and you ran around in the adventure playground.  Did you have to get yourself pumped into a play state before you entered?  Play is our natural state.  We’ve been living from the abstraction of outcome-focussed work for so long, that we’ve forgotten our natural social gift. 

If you want to learn more about how you can be the ultimate player in the true sense of the word and change your life the way I did, then check out the [insert link] I have put together for you. I walk you through the process of shedding off the skin and becoming the most attractive and charismatic version of you.  Plus, I show you videos of me in that natural play state with women and show you how you can have a whole lot of fun meeting women too.

Trust me when I say this is a game changer!

John Cooper

John Cooper

John Cooper is a world-renowned coach and pioneer in the dating community.  Having trained men and women since 2009 he forged his own coaching method which focuses on being the social artist rather than the pick up artist.  This culminated in his bestselling book - Game Over (2015)

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