8 Effective Ways to Approach a Girl at a Bar/Club [From Her]

Last month Jenn wrote an awesome article on the do’s and don’t of approaching a girl at a bar. Even though her article was fantastic, it was left a little incomplete without a any solid examples of how to approach a girl at a bar. Enter Sonnie. Sonnie is a girl with some solid dating experience and who is used to being approached at the bar. Who better to tell you a few ways that you can go about it, and increase your odds for success. So with that, here’s quick list of 8 effective ways to approach a girl at a bar. 

Now for the article: 8 Effective Ways to Approach a Woman at a Bar or a Club

There are a lot of ways to approach a girl at a bar/club. At the end of the day, it’s really all about how you do it. Technically, You could say anything. If you say it the right way.

Whats the right way?

Confident, charming and fun. If your palms are sweating, the best line will fail you every time. But if you’re having a good time, she’s going to feel the vibe.

So if you can get past your nerves, and remember that it really doesn’t matter (If she says no, who cares?!), here are 8 effective ways to approach a girl at a bar/club.

1) When she is not speaking to anybody, go up to her and say: “Hello. I want to tell you that you look very pretty.” You will be able to tell from her response if she is all for it or the worst case, she will reject you as nicely as possible (maybe her date is in the bathroom or she’s a lesbian.)

Girls do not hear this that often and it never gets tiring to hear. Be careful if she tests you by asking “What do you find pretty about me?” Have an answer ready! Whether it is the way she puts herself together, or her hair, smile…find something before you pay her this compliment.

2) Eye contact! Not in a creepy stalker-ish way, but in the “I notice you and you are my type.” If every time you make eye contact she is still smiling at YOU (she will make it very clear if she’s accepting your smiling invitations) then you can approach her, ask her name and find out how her day is going.

3) On a cocktail napkin, write a note saying hi, your name and that you would like to get to know her. This goes back to middle school.  Girls love getting “love” notes and it makes us feel giddy. End the note with “What do you think?” Ending a conversation with a question lets them know that you are expecting to hear back from them. If she doesn’t respond, keep it moving.

4) If you’re a guy that likes to have fun. I think a pick up line that would make me smile would be if you quoted Puff Daddy from Big Poppa and say: How about you go “Tell your friends, to get with my friends, and we can be friends? Is that aight?” End with a HUGE cheesy grin and see if she’s cool enough to keep the interaction going or a total bitch.

5) A simple wave hello. It’s very sweet, great acknowledgment and it’s similar to #8 where its innocent and rare today. If she gives you positive feedback well then you must then go over to her and execute #1.

6) If you see a “damsel in distress” that is a PERFECT opportunity to be her knight in shining armor.  If she slips, you can go over to her and offer your hand. If she doesn’t have a seat to sit down, find her one. If she looks upset or alone, go accompany her. Keep an eye out for a small crisis you can solve.

Even if its just that she has toilet paper on her shoe. Don’t embarrass her more by telling her you are helping her (she might take offense and tell you she doesn’t need your help.) She will be aware of you being a gentleman. Just smile and introduce yourself after rescuing her.

7) Ask her if you can buy her a drink and get to know her. I wouldn’t just offer to treat her to a cocktail because she WILL take her free drink that you spent your money on and run. But if you state that you are willing to invest in her if she is willing to do the same, she will let you know if its a go or a go away.

8) If there’s a good vibe where you are, you can ask the bartender for a little help, but ONLY if the bartender is a chick! I wouldn’t trust a male bartender to help you successfully. Woman love to play matchmakers and a guy may have intentions of embarrassing you or c*@! blocking.

I’ve been bartending for over 15 years and bartenders typically love introducing people and interacting with their customers. (They are in the service industry and will expect a better tip even if the girl you want to pick up declines your offer.) Ask the bartender if they mind letting the pretty girl (and describe her) know that she has an admirer. Have them ask her if she is single and would like to meet you.

Then plant a smile on your face, even if you are nervous, and let the bartender do their thang. If your offer gets denied, I promise you that at least you made a great impression on the bartender. I’m not promising the bartender will give you her own number but the least she should do, if nothing good comes out of it, is hook you up with a free shot/ drink. Cheers.

Wrapping it all up…

These are only a few ways to approach a girl at a bar. I just wanted to put some ideas in your head, but remember! You can say anything (well close to anything) and if you are confident, charming and having fun, she will react positively.

So try not to be nervous, go have some fun, and remember – what do you have to lose.

– Sonnie

Additional Resources:

1) How to Approach a Girl at a Bar – The Dating Advice Show:

2) How to Approach a Girl at a Bar – A Live Example:

I don’t even care about what this guys say, but this is a perfect example of body language. He’s lose, hes smiling, he’s having fun. Replicate it.

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A Lovely Lady

A Lovely Lady

This post was written by a lady who wants to give men a sneak peak on what women want. Enjoy it!

This Post Has 0 Comments

  1. Joe Fahndrich

    What a great article! I’ll have to put some Puff Daddy lines to the test at the bars this weekend.

  2. Sam

    I love the cocktail napkin note idea!!! I would be so giddy if a guy slipped me a cute message on a napkin! Remember to keep it classy! Writing “you have an incredible smile” is adorable. Writing your name and number on a piece of paper…I think I’ll pass haha

    1. Sonnie

      That is a great point not writing down the digits! The point of the note is to get a face-to-face dialogue started. And stating to keep it classy is also a great piece of advice!!

  3. Jenny

    Sonnie, this is great! Every single guy should read this. I think the last time I was approached, I asked a guy where the bathroom was and he grabbed my face and kissed me…Gross! He could’ve used your help lol

    1. Sonnie

      Hey Jenny,
      That is crazy. Unless asking where the restrooms are, is code for: I want you to plant a kiss on me, what’s up with that? (The real question is, what was your reaction back?!) Thanks for your support. These are just basic simple ways that are good starts to helping nice, sweet and kind guys to get a conversation going with a girl of their choice. If they are going to be obnoxious, rude or embarrassing, then none of my advice will be helpful to them.

  4. Michael

    I’m seem to be focusing on the eye contact and helping someone. Body language is important. Sometimes it’s not what you are saying, but the vibes that are being generated. It’s always a good sign when someone smiles in your direction. Thanks for the tip.

    1. Sonnie

      Thanks Michael. I agree that body language is a sure tell sign for a green or red light of interest. Good luck with your dating, I hope you find someone special!

  5. Vince Slater

    Hey cool article and great video! If you looking for anything more in debt, I might have the book for you. My name is Vince Slater, and I always found it frustrating that most of the info you find online about getting girls was vague and incomplete. I’ve spent tonnes of money and five years of my life in order to get better and become a master of pick up. I’ve written an ebook which you can buy for just 9,99$ here:
    Check out the free introduction and decide whether you want to spend the price of three beers on it. Cheers!

    1. Sean Russell

      Thanks Vince, usually don;t let people promote in comments but I’ll let it slide..

  6. Bango

    Good article. However, the guy in the video is a tool.

  7. Ashutosh

    Hey Sonnie,
    I love to dance so i generally go to night-clubs and not bars.
    In a night club it is very loud, so how do i initiate a conversation with her when it is so noisy.

  8. Hav15

    Where does this work at? Nursing homes maybe? Are you a girl Sonnie?

  9. Eric

    Never invest money trying to figure out how to pick up women.itll come naturally in time.need confidence

  10. Alex

    I’m quite pleased with the inmtafroion in this one. TY!

  11. Agatha

    I don’t even know what to say, this made things so much earsie!

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