girl proofing your apartment

watching tv with a girlYes, you want girls to come back to your apartment for evening fun. In fact you may be hoping you have some repeat visitors. But no matter how good the sex is, if your place is a disaster she won’t be visiting again.

There are a number of things women instinctively look for as soon as they enter your home. You don’t want to fall into an obvious décor fail causing you to never see her again. Here are some do’s and don’t when it comes to girl-proofing your apartment and preparing your pad for lady visitors.

DO – Have pictures

Upon entering your apartment, your lady friend will feel much more comfortable when she sees pictures of you with real people. You and your boys. You and your family. These images are proof that you’re not a total scumbag that no one loves.

Don’t go overboard with pictures – keep the snap shot of you and your best bud mooning the camera to yourself – but do have a few framed portraits to show you’re a people person.

DON’T – Have ex-girlfriend pictures

A picture she definitely does not want to see is a picture of you and your ex-girlfriend. Don’t even think about letting several of these pictures hang around. This is a clear warning sign for any girl that enters your apartment. It let’s her know that you are still hung up on your ex and not prepared to move on. Is that the image you’re trying to put across? Didn’t think so.

DO – Offer her a drink

If you’re inviting your female companion up to your place, it’s possible you lured her with the promise of a drink. That’s all well and good as long as she’s willing. Make sure you have something more exciting than a can of Budweiser in your fridge to offer her.

DON’T – Have a filthy kitchen

But think – did you clean your kitchen today? This week? This month?! When a woman sees a dirty kitchen you lose points immediately. We, as women, can’t help but wonder if you’re always that dirty. And, if this grows into a relationship over time, will you be clean enough to live with someday?

I know it’s a bit unfair considering it’s probably her first time in your place. But us girls can’t help it. It’s something we just do. Tidy things up before you leave for the evening so you don’t have to worry about it later.

DO – Allow her to use the restroom

If she asks to “powder (her) nose,” don’t be alarmed. She’s not asking just to get a chance to rummage through your medicine cabinet, necessarily. If you’re super paranoid about something that may be lingering in your bathroom, be it Rogaine or your rubber ducky – try not to store it in plain sight.

DON’T – Have a disgusting bathroom

Guys stand when they pee. We get it. But keep in mind that girls sit. If you have a filthy toilet seat, she’s going to think twice about going to bed with you. It’s that simple.

Make sure your bathroom is clean and that there is plenty of toilet paper. Also try to keep hand soap by the sink. Serious bonus points if there’s a clean hand towel as well.

DO – Have nice sheets

Sheets with tears and holes need not apply. If she jumps into bed with you and hits a snag, chances are slim that she’ll jump in a second time. We’re not looking for one million thread count sheets here. Just something your mom would be proud of.

DON’T – Have porn sheets

Satin pillowcases are a nice touch. But all satin sheets are for swingers and porn stars. Just don’t do it. I don’t care how sensitive your skin is. Have sheets made of mostly cotton. You don’t want her to feel like she’s auditioning for a shady porno.

DO – Have condoms

Women want to know you’re prepared. Women also like to feel safe. So if things are getting hot and heavy and you pause to grab a condom, it’s pretty certain that your guest will be appreciative.

Keeping a handful of condoms close at hand in the bedroom is always a smart plan.

DON’T – Have mountains of condoms or outdated condoms

Keeping a basket full of condoms under the bed is a completely different story. Some with flavors, some that glow in the dark, some that vibrate…no. Just no! You want her to feel like you’re a mature adult, but not like you do this five times a day. Be prepared, not over prepared.

With that being said, also make sure that your condoms are still usable. If you’re still holding on to a package from high school sex ed, it’s probably time to invest in a new box.

There you have it, Loverboy! Keep these things in mind each time you leave your house for a night out. That way you’ll be more than ready if you’re lucky enough to bring a lady home for the evening.

Your girl,




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