Whether you prefer old-fashioned dating or you’re trying to find yourself a perfect match via some kind of modern online date finder, at some point you’ll have to talk about your past love life with your new partner. That’s just the way it is. Everyone has history and ex-lovers, but the real question is – can you actually remain friends with your ex? This rather complicated and mind-boggling question is still an unsolved mystery in the world of dating.
Basically, there are two schools of thought and two completely different opinions on this complex matter.
Some people think that the past love life should stay buried right there in the past.
However, there are people who believe that ex-lovers can be good and kind friends in the future and that there’s nothing wrong with keeping them in their lives after the breakup.
Of course, remaining friends with your ex-partner depends on many different factors, and it would be foolish to think that there was a black or white answer. That’s why in order to help you solve this dilemma, we decided to make a list of a few things to consider after a break up, or in re-connecting with your ex.
Ultimately it is up to you to make your own decision about what you think is right
Advantages Of Being Friends With Your Ex
Your Ex Knows You Better Than Most People
If you end your relationship peacefully, remaining friends with your ex should not be a problem. One of the biggest advantages of having your ex in your life is the fact that you’ll always have a close friend who knows you better than most people in your life. This friendship could be even better if you started out as friends before the romantic relationship.
That kind of ex-partner should definitely stay a part of your life because you can share literally anything with him/her. Remember, they’ve seen your worst and your best side, so there’s no point hiding anything from them. Having a good relationship with your ex means that you can easily share your deepest secrets, thoughts, and feelings without being judged.
Your Ex Can Help You Be A Better Partner For Someone Else In The Future
Staying in touch and hanging out with your ex-lover will allow you to figure out why the relationship had to end in the first place. Sometimes talking about sensitive stuff can be rather hard for a couple in crisis because that conversation can always lead to a break-up.
Naturally, couples tend to avoid that conversation in the attempt to postpone the inevitable. However, when the relationship ends and dust settles, two ex-lovers have a unique chance to talk about their relationship from an entirely different perspective. The two people can, without fear, discuss what went wrong and who made mistakes.
If you choose to stay friends with your ex, this “post-mortem” can actually point out the mistakes you shouldn’t repeat in your future relationships. Strolling down the memory lane with your ex is a pretty useful history lesson, so make sure you don’t make the same mistakes again.
It Shows Other People How Mature You Really Are
Not everyone is able to maintain a healthy and good relationship with their former lover. It takes a high level of maturity to achieve that of arrangement. Other people, including future romantic partners, will notice how strong and mature you can be, and trusts us, people are attracted to that kind of grown-up behaviour. Therefore, you may have ended your relationship with your ex, but being friends with your former partner can help you in all of your romantic endeavours in the future.
[Editors note: The opinions of others should be a driving factor in how you make decisions in your social life, however, making the choice to continue being friends with your ex does give you the opportunity to grow and learn more about yourself and relationships with others. Attempting to be friends with your ex will not automatically make you mature… and if this is one of your first romantic relationships, you will very likely make several very immature and ill-informed decisions. But this is okay! Through enduring any discomfort and being open to new learnings, you pave the way to greater maturity and understanding in life]
Disadvantages Of Being Friends With Your Ex
It Can Prevent You From Moving On
A break-up can be a rather hard and, occasionally, a traumatic experience in a person’s life. If this is the case then you very likely need time to heal. In most cases such as these, most relationship professionals, and most people in general would recommend that you shouldn’t see or contact your ex during this healing process. Your brain needs time to rewire itself.
Any kind of interaction with your former lover may compromise that process. Remember, rekindling the old flames and trying to revive something that has probably been dead for a long time is never a good idea. Staying friends with your ex-lover means leaving the possibility of getting back together open and until you close that door entirely, you will find it very difficult to be able to move on and devote yourself to someone new.
Yes, a former partner can be a great friend, but if you can’t leave it at that, it’s better to eliminate that person from your life. As difficult as this may sound, you owe it to yourself.
Jealous Outbursts Might Destroy the Friendship
This is probably the biggest hazard of staying friends with your ex-partner. When a couple breaks up, it takes some time for both people to get through that healing process and move on. Naturally, the healing process is faster for some people and those individuals tend to move on more quickly than their partners.
However, dating someone new while still being friends with your ex might be a bad idea, especially if the ex-lover still has some unresolved feelings towards you. The possibility of jealous outbursts and unpleasant situations would be rather high; not to mention making things difficult for them to heal. Not only that, you’ll be breaking your ex’s heart, but you might also risk losing your new lover because of that complicated and awkward situation.
Remember, the new partner will almost never be ok with you being too close with your ex-lover, trust us. Therefore, sometimes is better to burn some bridges and move on entirely.
You’ll Feel Like You’re Being Trapped In The Past
Ex-partners are ex for a reason. It means it simply didn’t work out and they should stay in the past. Having them around and hanging out with them will prevent you from moving on and you’ll definitely feel like you’re trapped in the past. Every time you meet someone new, who has the potential to be your next partner, you’ll be comparing them to your ex and that’s just not healthy.
As long as you hold on to your past, you won’t ever be able to open a new chapter in your love life. Living in the past is not the answer, burn that bridge down and allow yourself to embark on new and exciting adventures.
To be perfectly honest, there’s not a definite “yes” or “no” answer to this mind-boggling question and that’s perfectly normal. Being friends with your ex-partner is totally up to you and it depends solely on how the relationship ended. Of course, if the relationship ended horribly, the two people should definitely stay away from each other because they won’t be able to move on with their lives, as we mentioned earlier in the article.
No one likes to be trapped in their past and sometimes being friends with an ex-lover means exactly that. On the other side, we also talked about some great perks of having a good relationship with your former partner. For example, ex-lover can be a great friend simply because no one will ever know you better than your ex. That friendship means that you’re a mature individual and it will help you grow emotionally.
So, there you go people, these pros and cons are the closest thing to an answer to this ever-lasting dilemma.