picking the right bar for a first date

first date at a bar

Guys, it’s 2014. That means that dating has been around since time immemorial. And you’ve probably been inundated with advice, which includes, “Don’t take a first date to a bar, it’s impersonal”. I want you to go to the man or woman that told you that and slap them across the face and delete all of their Gilmore Girls episodes from their queue on Netflix, because they are wrong and need to be punished.

Bars have received a bad reputation as a first date venue for many reasons. People conjure up images that include one-night stands, risky facilities and inappropriate make out sessions that cause the bartender to overcharge you and vomit beneath the ice cauldron.

A good bar is actually the perfect venue for a first date; it’s low key and low pressure. It gives a first date an air of possibility, maturity and fun, but only if you pick the right bar. Confused about how to pick one? Well, that’s okay,

I’ve compiled a list to help you:

1)  Pick a bar that you like and know relatively well

There is nothing more unattractive than a guy that walks into a venue and knows nothing about how to order, or who does not run into anyone he knows.

Seeing a guy comfortable and confident in an environment gives a gal a good feeling. Hearing him yell boisterous “Hellos!” to friends shows that he’s social and outgoing. However, as women we don’t want to see the bartender yell your name and start pouring you body shots because it’s “your specialty”.

Tip: If you do run into friends, say hello, but DO NOT accept an invitation to sit with them, or have them sit with you. Joining friends will show your date you aren’t that interested in her alone. Additionally, allowing her to see you politely decline their invitations and instead state that you are going to grab a smaller table, lets her know that you value her presence alone right now.

2) DO NOT go to the bar that you and your ex frequented.

This is self-explanatory. Though you may be able to get free drinks and great service, nothing says “end of date” more than running into an ex. And if you’re going there in the hopes that you run into your ex, I have some advice. Grow Up. And stop wasting a woman’s time.

3) Be like Goldie Locks, find a bar that’s not too loud and not too quiet

You want to avoid bursting her eardrum by yelling against her lobe like you’re on enemy lines. On the other hand, a little noise is going to force you to sit closer.

Science shows that sitting closely can initiate a more intimate conversation and helps you gauge your compatibility in regards to chemistry. Nothing is more sexually attractive for a woman than when a guy leans close to your neck and tells you something about himself, or asks you something about yourself. If you walk into a bar and it’s too loud, immediately offer to take her somewhere else. She will see this as a sign that you intend on getting to know her.

4)  A dance club is not a bar

It seems cliché but if having single, female friends has taught me anything it is that a bad dancer is indeed a turnoff. On the flipside, you may be a great dancer, but she might not be. That puts pressure on a date and causes feelings of awkwardness and vulnerability. Don’t take that chance.

However, if you both love to dance and are up for that, make sure that is clear beforehand. Then shake a leg, or an arm, or whatever you like to shake on the dance floor.

Tip: Don’t get discouraged for the future, if you aren’t a good dancer. A woman who is in love with you will think any dance floor routine you engage in is adorable, but on a first date, you shouldn’t be anywhere near “L word” station. If she is at “L word” station–you should run. She is crazy and probably has every season of the Gilmore Girls in her Netflix queue.

5) Order a Beer; a good one

I’d give this advice to any gender. An authentic beer sets a relaxed mood. It shows you aren’t cheap and sets an element of equality between you both.

There’s something about a man knowing what beer he likes and seeing him take down a glass–it’s incredibly sexy. It’s fine if your drink of choice is Maker’s Mark and water; but save the hard stuff for a special occasion, like when you first cook dinner at your place. Make her your favorite drink in that setting; it will show class and provide an air of mystery. She’ll want to know more about you.

Tip: If you absolutely hate beer, DO NOT ORDER A BEER. Nothing is less attractive than a guy making weird faces as if he’s taking down seawater. The key here is to seem laid back and suave. If you can only do that with a white wine spritzer then go ahead; just don’t be surprised when she hits the decline button when you call about a second date.

In Conclusion

Even with this advice, there’s no magic way to ensure a first date at a bar will go smoothly. That can be said for any first date, regardless of the venue.

However, the casual dissonance and consonance that echoes in the background of a bar can’t be found in a restaurant, park or coffee shop. Good bars are filled with stories, mistakes, triumphs and laughter, all going on behind you.If the night ends in success, it will become a place that you can always go and enjoy together. If it ends in disaster, you have the comfort of knowing that probably ten other people in the bar are experiencing the same thing.

So just turn around, order another and introduce yourself to a new friend. It’s a win-win either way. What’s a more perfect setting that that?

– J.G

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3 COMMENTS

  1. Great article. A lot of men screw up their chances with women by takin them to the wrong environment and kill their chances of having her full attention.

  2. I really like that you suggest that when you go on a date you should go to a bar that you like and know well. I personally love going on dates to bars and am wanting to find a few that I can take a date to. Hopefully, I can find some new ones in my area that I love.

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