Being able to create a deep connection with someone is a skill that most have forgotten about. The inability to connect with others is an expensive price we pay.
In this article I’m going to cover the fundamentals you need to know to connect deeply with someone. It should give you an understanding on how you can show up so that people will respect you and trust you so that you can create a deep connection with each other.
By integrating the following principles, you will be able to create fulfilling, effortless connections in all your relationships.
Principle 1: To experience a deep connection, you need to connect with yourself first
To establish a connection with others, we need to make sure that we are connected to ourselves. It has to do with self-acceptance. There’s no way around it. At the same time self-acceptance doesn’t have to be a ‘hard’ task and it will serve you in all areas of your live in extremely powerful ways.
Most people live a life by the expectations of others. They subconsciously lock themselves into a prison. It’s a decision you make to be true to yourself and accept yourself for being not perfect. Because that’s what ultimately will set you free. It takes courage but soon people will start to respect you for that. (If you see self-acceptance as something that’s holding you back from the next level, and if you have or want to find a powerful vision in this lifetime you might want to look up the Back To Freedom Retreat.)
Being connected to yourself is, ultimately, you having trust in yourself. Having trust in the fact that you’re ‘good enough’ is what makes you relax into the present moment.
And that’s exactly why we are not able to connect with each other.
Disconnected people usually just think about themselves. They try to impress others by trying to show something that is not real. This is never truly fulfilling. Trying to be someone we’re not is what creates loneliness.
I believe that giving someone your full presence is the biggest gift you can give to someone.
Only when we are present we will be able to have a deep connection.
Principle 2: Trust is needed to create a deep connection
It’s important to understand, that we can’t force a connection. There are 2 people needed and sometimes people are afraid to open up. Sometimes it’s just not the right moment. Sometimes it’s just not a match. Both need to be present and we can’t control that. But what we can control is the way we show up.
You can bring in your part, so that you give the base of trust to establish a deep connection.
That needs you to move beyond your own fears and to give the other person the permission to be imperfect too.
Once you’re able to do that, you’ll stand out from the mass. You’ll be an extraordinary person. And people will start to trust you.
Everyone carries around his own insecurities. I’ve worked with super successful people and even they find themselves to be insecure.
But what often happens, is that we try to cover those flaws. We try to impress and give a perfect picture from ourselves. We often play a role that’s not 100% us.
Being insecure is part of being human. But because nobody has the courage to show his flaws, we often believe that we are the only ones with insecurities or problems. That, by the way often leads to feelings of depression, disconnection and loneliness.
Everyone carries around insecurities
Understand that everyone has flaws and insecurities and then be the one that gives yourself and others the permission to be real. Give them the space to open up.
You can apply this everywhere in your life. These are tantric teachings that, e.g. will let you experience a whole new level of having sex with someone.
Once you focus on giving your love, space, compassion and acceptance to someone, you’re already understand more about human connections than the majority of the men and women on this planet.
It will detach you from your selfish fears.
Principle 3: To establish a deep connection with someone, be honest about how you feel
Honesty is what builds trust. We connect then when both can remove their layers.
It helps to open up when we are honestly call it out how we feel.
Once you feel disconnected with someone, there’s a very high chance that the other part feels the same. Often unconsciously because a majority of the people are not consciously aware of their feelings.
I know it’s not always easy to call out such things. For example, I experience it sometimes during my coaching sessions. There’s often a fear involved because we don’t want to mess up the situation. But I can tell you, having the courage to call such things out, is incredibly powerful.
People will thank you by calling out the Elephant in the room, because you just released them from a subtle pressure they felt. It builds your credibility as a compassionate and socially strong man.
Being deeply connected with others is a natural thing
We are human beings, and all we truly want is to be loved, to love. We want to feel understood.
It is a natural state to be connected to the world. Take the example of little kids.
So how about changing the perspective from “I have to build a connection” to “I am already connected”.
Because you really are already connected to everything, we just forget during our lives. The things that hold people back from feeling ‘connected’ are their fears. Fears that are not real. Thoughts and stories that are often not even true.
You are connected to everything already. There’s no need to connect. The only thing we have to do is to allow ourselves to be who we really are and give others the space to do so aswell.
If you believe it or not, I encourage you to try it.
My life completely changed. And I experience it over and over again with the clients I work with, as you change this perspective, your life will change, your relationships will change, deep connections occur naturally, and most important, we relax into who we really are.
Have you ever experienced a deep connection with someone, where you could totally relax and be who you really are? Please share your experience in the comments!
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