How to deal with low self-esteem (4 insights that will boost your confidence)


Have you ever experienced that your low self-esteem has held you back from taking action or making an important decision? That’s okay. In fact, most people, even the most successful clients I work with, have experienced those times.

Having low self-esteem is something everyone experiences at times. What makes the difference at the end, is the way we deal with those feelings.

In this article I will share with you in 4 insights, how you can deal with it and how you can actually turn a lack of self-esteem into a strength of yours.

Insight 1# Low self-esteem comes and goes

Even though it feels so real. Low self-esteem is something that comes and goes. Like everything in life. Our feelings are in a constant flow. We ALL experience Up’s and down’s.

I’m sure you have experienced moments in your live where you felt absolutely in the zone, secure, strong, unshakable and powerful.

But there are also days we don’t like doing anything. Where we feel small, unworthy, even dumb.

It’s important to understand that even low self-esteem is rooted in thoughts and beliefs about ourselves. And you are not your thoughts. Thoughts come and go, like clouds.

The problem starts then when people identify themselves with their problems and fears. You can read my latest article on how fears are created and how you can overcome them.

In fact, everyone experiences those limiting thoughts at times. Even the most successful people, I was blessed to work with. Seeing it from that perspective helps us to disidentify with those thoughts.

Insight 2# Curing low self-esteem happens from the inside-out

Low self-esteem can be ‘cured’. But only from the inside out.

Humans tend to seek confidence or self-esteem from the outside. With material, status etc.

A whole society is chasing something that they don’t really need.

The way to self-esteem is the way back to you.

Lately I’ve met one of the most successful poker-players in the world and we talked about success. What he told me was such a deep insight, that shows so clearly that self-esteem is not something we gain from the outside, it’s an inner attitude.

He said: „I’ve had a breakdown last year. I was at the point where I achieved everything I wanted. I had more money than I could spend, I had a beautiful girlfriend, an amazing apartment, a BMW… and I realized that those self-doubts were still here. The  fears were still there. I still had bad days. I realized that this inner sense of confidence comes from within, and it doesn’t matter what we achieve or how successful we are, if we don’t find the way back to ourselves, we will always be chasing more. We will never feel good enough.“

Insight 3# There are 2 Ways to deal with low-self esteem

We can be the victim. The ‘poor-me’, the one that is suffering from feeling ‘down’. Or we can look at those times of low self-esteem from a different angle and start to learn more about ourselves than anybody could teach us.

Real self-love is acknowledging also the ‘bad’ feelings and not running away from them.

When we realise that we don’t need to be perfect, that these feelings come and go anyways and that they have nothing to do with us, we allow ourselves to step out of the victim role and to live from a more powerful place.

Those, who are not afraid of themselves and of others, are the ones who accept themselves for their flaws. Those are the ones who don’t block themselves from their true potential.

We can acknowledge the fact that we don’t feel a lot of self-esteem and then decide to focus on love and not on fear anymore. This takes courage. But this is ultimately how confidence is built.

Insight 4# Self-esteem is being ok with the good and the bad

This is probably one of biggest insights, I personally had. I used to be the guy who only was able to take action when I was in ‘state’.

But Self-esteem doesn’t mean that you have to feel good all the time. Real self-esteem is to be okay with both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ feelings.

It’s an illusion to think that we have to feel good, powerful, perfect, all the time and that if we are not – we fail.

You are already powerful

There is something within you that makes us do the wonderful things in life. There’s something within you that people love about you. You show it when you don’t even try to. Often your closest people in your life get it. They see it, because you show it all the time – often exactly then, when you don’t realize it.

Self-esteem is accepting all of you…

…even your flaws. This is what makes you authentic, charismatic. This is what makes people real and ultimately this is what makes people respect you.

There’s nothing more valuable to people when they feel that someone speaks his truth. When someone is real. When someone is speaking from the heart and not from the head. Find out more about overthinking and how to get out of your head in this article.

Kids are role models in many ways. They are connected to themselves. They speak their truth. They love.

Kids are role models in many ways. Photo by Frank McKenna

There will be times with low self-esteem. But not feeling a lot of self-esteem doesn’t mean we have to shrink and play small.

We have discovered it over and over again while working together with highly successful people. What ultimately frees people from concern is the freedom of the self. That’s a place of creation, of love, of ultimate energy.

And we can still take action, and do what we love – even when we ‘don’t feel confident to do it’.

In conclusion: Self-esteem starts with self-respect

Everyone experiences times of low self-esteem. It’s important not to hang us up on it. Having low self-esteem doesn’t mean you’re less worthy than others. In fact, often those people are the strongest.

As you can make peace with yourself (even though you feel bad at times), you gain a deep inner strength, security and balance… And you don’t even have to feel ‘good’ for it.

Because remember, the root of our feelings are just thoughts. Thoughts that come and go.

Question: What works best for you in times of low self-esteem? Post your thoughts below.

[Video] How to turn a lack of confidence into strength

I’m adding this video, because it will help you  and give you an understanding about confidence, self-esteem and how you can turn a lack of confidence or self-esteem into a strength of yours.

[su_youtube_advanced url=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GITX1R-DUNo”]

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Sam Ryter
Sam Ryter, former Martial Artist is a professional coach and writer. Sam works with people all around the world to create better, deeper and more impactful relationships in their lives.The people he works with, find a deeper sense of confidence, joy and passion for their lives. They start to understand and create wonderful relationships with people and themselves, eliminating any insecurities, anxieties and social phobias.