For the last couple of dates, I was actually more upset that I went for those dates than actually landing those dates. Talk about self-esteem. Talk about the law of Fuck yes and no.
After all these years, I’m still amazed at how poorly I choose my romantic partners at times. After all, our minds are filled with unreliable biases. It’s easy to get sidetracked into the ego boost, the validation that you never had when you were in your teens. It’s easy to use going out with girls to not get other areas in your life in check.
So, to minimize self-chosen misery, I’ve come up with three laws to help you choose dates and girls that you’re going enjoy being around with.
Law 1: Ask Yourself, How She Makes You Feel
When you come from a pickup artist strategic standpoint. It’s always about you. Your lines, your strategies, how you are going ‘game’ her, how you are going to ‘win’ her over.
I know, it’s on us men to move things forward. It’s on us to approach her, spark a conversation, and lead in a social interaction. However, I’d argue it’s also on us to evaluate if that girl you’re spending time with fit your needs and values. It’s basic self-respect.
So, how does this play out in real life?
These days, when I’m out on a date, I sit back and I evaluate if she’s capable of saying things like: I understand how that feels. If she’s capable of having a proper fucking conversation without whipping her phone to take a selfie. If she laughs at my stupid jokes. I sit back and evaluate if she has values I’m looking for: intelligence, curiosity, and empathy.
When I’m coming from this mindset, I relieve a load lots of pressure on myself. I actually enjoy my dates. I ain’t got to do anything to impress her. So what if I dropped out of school twice. So what if I don’t have a rich family. So what if I don’t drive.
Note: you can only come from this mindset if you’re aren’t a bum. If you’re a bum, then obviously you got to settle your life out first.
Why should you make it a point to have standards with the girls you date? Ask yourself this: Haven’t you put in so much effort in yourself self, shouldn’t you be going out with someone who has makes you feel good about yourself?
What do you get out of this? Well, you end up spending time with someone who makes you feel comfortable, appreciated and valued.
Law 2: If You’re Not Sexually Attracted to Her, Then Don’t Do It!
When you first get into the whole PUA movement or even some self-help movements, you’re obsessing over your ‘lay count’ or the number of notches under your belt. So let me ask you this question. Who’s the better man? Who’s has a better game?
The man who sleeps with 20 unattractive girls. Or the man who commits to one stunner, who he enjoys being with her. Who has a better dating life?
In the three loves theory, it’s stated that passion cannot be cultivated without lust. Basically, lust is the first stage of love. It’s the basic decision whether you want to have sex with that person there and then, or not. I know, it’s not right to say this in a politically correct world, but fuck it, it’s my article, so we’ll make do.
Sometimes, when I am out clubbing with some of the guys from the community, I noticed that they’ll take anything that they can get their hands on. Perhaps that’s why they aren’t getting anything in the first place. It’s their lack of self-respect and values. What kind of dating life is that?
Law 3: Decide What You Want to Do with That Relationship: Open Relationship, Casual Sex or Committed Relationship?
If you approach this dating thing with honesty and vulnerability. You’ll expose your values to her in the shortest period of time possible. You cut the games, you express your desire for her, and at the same time, you establish clear boundaries in your relationship.
Of course, I’m not saying that you go up to her and say: I just want to fuck you, and I don’t see this going anywhere. That’s just socially unintelligent. I’m saying that if you express your values and needs in an honest and vulnerable manner, most girls will appreciate you for it.
Think of the 99% of the guys out there who’ll lie, twist and turn their stories just to get into her pants. You’ll be that 1%, or perhaps the only man in her life that’s willing to say: look, I think you’re beautiful, I enjoy being around you, you’re awesome in bed, however, I’m not looking for a committed relationship at this point in my life.
Or either that, if you don’t think you’ll make good partners, but you enjoy the sex, then you can be blunt and say: look, you’re hot, your kickass in bed, however, I think we differ a lot in life, a committed relationship isn’t the best for both of us.
I’ve actually expressed this two values to different girls at different point of my lives. I’m proud to say, I’ve have had zero drama in my dating life so far. Niche zero. I’ve even had a girl thank me for being brutally honest with her.
The Benefits of These Laws
1. You stop pursuing girls for so-so reasons. You stop going out with girls just because you want to brag to your friends. You stop wasting your time on dates that make you feel like you’re just going through the motions just to prove something to yourself or prove something to people that you barely know or give a fuck about.
2. You start valuing your time and see time as an investment to be made on other productive activities such as curing cancer, building your career, learning a new skill, getting a degree, traveling the world and etc.
3. You establish strong boundaries and iron our personal values. You build real self-esteem.
But Marcus? What if I Only Have This One Girl
I used to have this problem. I didn’t have a choice. After all, she’s the only one that’s single, willing to laugh at my stupid jokes, and all the girls that I really like don’t pay attention to me.
That’s where self-improvement comes in. You got to change something about yourself to get something that you desire but don’t have at the moment. Usually, it’s the lack of choice. Either that, you’re still not going for what you actually want.
If you’re not talking to girls that you’re sexually attracted to, then you’re avoiding certain emotions. Perhaps you’re avoiding feelings of rejection, abandonment. If you’re going on dates, and you find yourself more interested in bragging about them in the men’s locker room, then perhaps there’s something about receiving male validation that you aren’t in touch with.
The quality of girls you meet will be dependent on your lifestyle, and your demographics. The number of girls you meet will be dependent on how much fear and anxiety you overcome.
Stop living out your life in quiet despair. Your time is limited. Treasure it. As Steve Jobs will say. Stay hungry, stay foolish. Stop wasting your time dating girls that you don’t truly feel anything for, just to impress people that you don’t actually care for.
Get your dating life in order now!
Written By Marcus Neo
Check out www.marcusneo.com