Divorce happens. Whether it was a disaster of a marriage complete with thrown vases and messy legal proceedings, or an amicable ending with mutual respect and no harsh feelings—there’s going to be something in a woman that is a little lost, or disrupted after a major relationship ends.
It’s natural, and it’s good to embrace those feelings. However, when women DON’T deal with those feelings, or they push their personal growth to the backburner, they can often deal with their hurt in an unhealthy way, such as jumping into a rebound relationship.
Now, this doesn’t mean this is necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes a rebound relationship is a necessary step towards dealing with your emotions, regaining lost confidence or simply engaging in a risky “wild oats” scenario that eventually helps you both realize what you DO or Do NOT want.
However, if you’re not okay with being a rebound and you develop feelings for this person then you’re in a for a world of unnecessary hurt. She’s probably not going to tell you if you are a rebound, plus–she might not even know you are until it’s too late and your heart is broken and you’re left sad and confused.
So, here are a few ways to tell if you’re a pacifier until the next guy:
7 Ways to Tell if You Are the Rebound
1. She Flaunts You Everywhere
It’s natural to feel excited and outspoken about a new relationship when you’re excited about the person. It’s very natural. However, if she’s purposefully dragging you to events with her friends, or making sure her ex is very aware of the new relationship and/or flaunting it in his face subtly—it may be an indicator that she has ulterior motives beyond simply caring for and being excited about your entrance into her life.
2. She Has to Drink A lot
If your fun times always revolve around the weekends, parties and usually end with her pulling you on top of her and then puking in the toilet with a hangover the next morning, then you may be the rebound.
When you really like someone, you don’t need alcohol to amp up your enthusiasm or dull your senses. You should be able to have a great time and a great conversation on your own during the most mundane of circumstances, like standing in line at the DMV or ordering take-out and sitting on the couch watching the news.
3. She’s Needy:
Is she constantly needing reassurance or letting you get away with ANYTHING? Does she never have a problem with you? Well that sounds great but it could also be an indicator that you are serving a non-serious purpose.
Real relationships have problems and disagreements. If you’re not having those then you’re not really getting to know one another. And if you’re constantly having to tell her she looks pretty, or push her off of you (especially when she’s not touchy feely with anyone else) be careful.
It might be that she just genuinely likes you and reserves her affection for those she cares about. However, it may indicate that she’s filling her love tank with your constant reassurances. Bring it up in conversation—ask her why she needs constant reassurance. It may be that she simply enjoys verification from those she loves, but it could also mean she’s using you to fill a void—and no matter how hard she tries to get you to fill it, it won’t happen.
4. She Doesn’t Really Miss You:
Do you find yourself feeling that she seems kind of relieved when she leaves the next morning? Is there this subtle nagging feeling that she could take you or leave you? Pay attention to that feeling.
Even if you’ve only been dating a short time, chances are the lack of her enthusiasm in the “I miss you” calls or text could indicate that you aren’t all that important to her. She may not realize it on a conscious level—so be aware and open up the conversation sooner rather than later.
5. You Really Only Have Sex
Was she quick to initiate a sexual relationship? And every visit/and or outing involves going home to have a romp? Yes, lucky you. However, there isn’t anything as disappointing as emotionless sex when you’re developing feelings for someone. And yes, you can tell.
If there’s limited eye contact, or if the sex is not getting better with a deepening connection each time, then you may be the rebound. Sex between two people who care about each other becomes better each time, especially in the initial days. Don’t ignore a dulling sex life.
6. You Don’t Talk About Real Issues
Does she not give a shit that you are a devout catholic even though she is an ardent atheist? Does she refuse to attempt to talk about politics and how she feels about real world issues? Is she passionate about a personal project but cares little to nothing about telling you about it or involving you at your own free will?
Yea, okay, you’re the rebound. Women in relationships with someone they care for, and hope to find a potential future with, will reveal their thoughts and feelings.
7. She Has No Reservations
Is everything hunky dory? Is she consistently telling you that you’re perfect, that this is perfect, that everything is great, that you’re going to be together forever and that she wants to meet your parents and pick out baby names?
First, she’s probably crazy (no gender shaming here, guys can be crazy too), but the more logical explanation is that she’s forcing herself to move forward without really delving into her thoughts and feelings. When women are intent on potentially moving forward they will analyze and talk to you about how things are feeling/going for you.
If she’s moving forward at full blast without taking time to ‘think’ about things then she’s probably, unknowingly, about to send you back to the re-bound stack she keeps in her basement.
With All That Said
I know a good amount of people that had a great relationship—even great marriages—that were born from the “rebound”. If the person she encountered that was perfect for her just so happened to be you and very soon, then there’s nothing wrong with weathering a few storms to get the kinks out of the way.
Emotions can be pretty awful and shitty—and the scars from relationships can be slapped with Mederma and emotionally bottled up. They will come out and explode all over the bed sheets eventually…
When they do, see how you feel and how she reacts. If it’s real, you’ll find yourself not wanting things to end even though the world seems to be crumbling around you. If it’s a rebound, she’ll run for the hills and you’ll be free to begin the journey of mending a broken heart.
You can’t keep yourself from pain no matter how much you try. And before you judge the girl who gets a rebound, remember that you don’t know her life, or her story. Nor does she know yours.
The golden rule can be greatly applied here: Treat others as you’d want yourself to be treated.
And if someone isn’t consciously aware of their detrimental behavior—then all they have left to say is “I’m sorry”.
Always, be brave and merciful in potential love.