We recently did a podcast interview with Catherine Behan, a 62-year-old cougar who dished out her best secrets to the meeting, seducing and dating older women. It was so awesome, that we decided to add her as one of our experts at MenProvement and she will be writing a series of articles on how you can meet, attract and date hot cougars. Your welcome.
I didn’t set out to be single at 60. I never thought I would date younger men. I never imagined that hot young guys would think a woman my age is sexy. I didn’t expect to be having the best sex of my life in my sixties. I didn’t realize how controversial it would be to be an openly sexually liberated woman.
Then this happened:
“How old are you,” I asked.
I laughed. “You are not.”
“I was trying to pick the oldest age you might believe so you wouldn’t think I was too young,” he laughed back.
“Ok,” he said, “I’m 44.”
By this point, this very younger man had been flirting with me for several weeks. I wasn’t sure where it was going but I loved the feeling I got when he was around. It had been a very long time since I had felt anything like this. My ex-was older than me and sex wasn’t interesting to him anymore.
I tried to shut my mind up about his age
I really don’t remember how I reacted when he told me how old he really was. I let myself be flirted with and coasted along. He was on a project at my work so he would come and go with no set schedule. I tried to shut my mind up about his age and just enjoy his attention, but it wasn’t easy.
On Valentine’s Day he found me alone in the office and made a move. By this time we had several flirty encounters and I was definitely attracted to him. He asked if I liked chocolate. I said yes. He ran his fingers through my hair and said, “I’ll be right back.”
I still shiver thinking about how good it felt to have his hands in my hair that first time. Like I said, no one had touched me like that in many years. Slowly my defenses melted.
When he got back I was in the back room stocking. I didn’t see him come in. The next thing I knew he was kissing the back of my neck. I was so ready and hungry for his touch at this point, there was absolutely no resistance.
Being at work, there was no way to act on the feelings so nothing happened physically between us for a long time. A few stolen kisses in secluded corners built up killer anticipation. It was 3 weeks before we finally arranged to meet up alone in a place other than work.
Was he trying to seduce me?
He made it clear right from the start that he wanted me to feel good. Over and over he told me, “You deserve to have this. You are a kind generous woman and you deserve to have something special.”
Was it a line? Was he trying to seduce me?
Of course. And I loved it. I was ready for someone exactly like him.
There is nothing like the time between the first glimpse of a crush and the first orgasmic date (whether real-time or cyber). He didn’t press me at all and took a long time to build that delicious sexual tension that happens with a new partner. Once sex happens for the first time, there is a different vibe between partners, whether true love is involved or not. That is fine and sex is still great but there is nothing like the pleasure of that first time with a new lover.
Fast forward. We are nearly 10 months in and sex is still very fun and very good for me. I can’t speak for my younger lover but I know he is happy too. We have always been very clear with each other about not wanting anything more than great sex together. When we are together, we’re together and when we are not, we’re not.
We don’t meet up very often and that makes it all the more exciting when we are together. I am clear on the difference between a friend with benefits and a boyfriend. At this point, I don’t want a boyfriend. He wants a great sex buddy. For now, a match made in heaven.
The Best Fountain Of Youth Ever
So what is it about a younger lover? Why am I embracing my inner Cougar? Three words: Cher, Madonna and J-Lo. It is no wonder these stars crave their boy toys. Young men keep you young. It is like a hit from the fountain of youth every time. The sex is off the chart and a well-sexed woman is a force to be reckoned with.
So if you have older ladies ready willing and able to date younger men, why aren’t more hooking up? I belong to a couple of the Cougar dating sites. Research shows that nearly 35% of women over 40 date younger men. And guys, here is the bad news, you have a lot of competition. Only 3 or 4 out of a hundred men even make the first cut with me. I delete great men every day just because they don’t know what I need to hear to say Yes.
That is why you can cruise over to a Cougar dating site like SeekingCougar.com. All you have to do is the opposite of what everyone else does and I will show you how. Some of the men may even be great partners but they will never know. Why? What did my current lover do to break down my defenses and let him get close enough to run his fingers through my hair?
Here is what turned me from a nervous Cougar-Wanna-Be (completely unconvinced that he could really, really be attracted to my cute, adorable but older ass) to a Cougar who knows her body, her sexual ability and enjoys herself thoroughly. How did I find a No Strings Attached arrangement? (And all of this from a grown-up Catholic school girl)
Be The Kind Of Man A Cougar Chooses Above The Others
Guys, so few men approach me like a lady and I can promise you that if you follow these tips you will really stand out. Beat the competition out there and find yourself a lovely lady to tease and please.
Flirting is a lost art. Tease her and let her know you are interested but do not, I repeat, do NOT, use any sex talk or innuendo for the first several text messages. (Secret Cub Tip: You want to avoid getting the dreaded, “EWWWW” reaction at all costs). Read her profile and pick out specifics that you can text her about. Here are a few texts used by real guys to flirt with text:
“Hey Pretty Lady”
“What’s up Buttercup” (I know that seems lame, but it is so lame it is cute.)
“Are you busy?”
“Need a hug?”
2) Visit her world
Ask for the link to her Instagram or Facebook profile and see what she is interested in. Is she a writer, like me? I love when a man reads one of my articles and lets me know. A mention of an author I admire or a group I support….like the Humane Society or a song I love shows me he is interested in ME, not just my lady bits.
3) Meet and Greet
If you get a hit and a nice chat develops, set up a coffee date so you can meet in person. Do this as soon as possible so you can see if there is any chemistry there. Be sure to buy her coffee (Dude, don’t let her buy her own coffee!!) and follow up with a couple of questions from her profile.. Plan on 30 minutes or so. If it is a connect, ask her out again. Be bold and tell her you to want to see her again.
4) Yellow Blinking Light: Slow Down Curves Ahead
Your Cougar will probably give you a sign when she is ready to get physical. She will touch your arm, play with her hair and lean forward toward you. (Secret Cub Tip: You give the greatest gift of all when you delay sex, even in cyber). There is a woman inside that body you are horny for. If you can make it a point to get to that woman inside you may just open a sexual dynamo. Make out with her. Kiss her and kiss her some more. Cougars are kiss deprived.
Many Cougars are Truly Touch Starved
Studies show that older women treasure cuddling, fondling and kissing more than intercourse (especially in any cyber or texting relationship). Many Cougars are truly touch starved. A warm strong non-sexual hug is a rare thing. If a woman allows you to hold her like this, you are creating real magic.
Well, yes, eventually, but you will thrill her if you stroke her with her clothes on. It feels amazing to have a man’s hands on my body with fabric in between. Rather than trying to reach in and take her clothes off or get your hands under to the skin beneath, touch her as if she was naked. You won’t believe how this works. This kind of making out can happen in the back of a car or in a theater….stolen kisses in public places are intoxicating.
I can’t speak for all women. I didn’t set out to date younger men. Divorce was not plan A. Breakups suck and relationships are a workout. If single women want to avoid meeting Mr. Forever for awhile, can you, a ready, willing and able young guy, step in and be a friend with benefits without getting hurt? Stay tuned for Part 2 of this series on Cougar Dating.
Catherine Behan is an author, Cougar Cub Dating Coach and sex and romance expert. She writes a column for YourTango.com and gives helpful tips on her websites, CougarCubAcademy.com and BreakupCandy.com She teaches that there is a little bit of sweet in every breakup and that when you find, accept and finally celebrate the end of a relationship, attracting true love is possible. Catherine is also Editor in Chief at AngelsFantasyland.com, Erotic Romance Writer’s Network, where men co-write erotica with female writers. She likes to say that Girl Lust + Guy Lust = Delicious.