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Why Breakups are Hardest for Introverted Men (Extroverts Encouraged To Check This Out Too)

When it comes to getting over your lost love if you think the cards are stacked against you as an introvert, guess what?  They are.

According to the Huffington Post, over 96% of American CEOS are extroverts.  And we all know that women are attracted to successful men.  Statistics show that at least 30 percent of the population are introverts and it is probably closer to 50 percent.  It makes it look like you don’t have a chance.  That’s bull.  Introverts make great partners too. It just seems that extroverts have an easier time getting back out there and dating again.

As an introverted guy, you probably have challenges when talking to girls.  Heck, you have challenges talking to anybody, right?  Because of that, when you finally open your heart and let a girl in, that is a major risk.  Once a girl breaks up with an introverted guy, he may stay single for years.  Especially if he really believed she was the one.

 

Here is why introverts have such a hard time getting over a break up:

1) Risk Without Reward:

It often takes a superhuman effort for the shy introvert to approach a girl in the first place.  If she responds and likes him, it is a big gamble for him to open his heart. Once an introvert lets himself like a girl, he is no longer a loner.  Connecting to a girl fills a deep ache of loneliness for lots of guys.  Introverts take a bigger risk so the breakup digs a deeper hole.

2) Kicking Yourself When You Are Down:  

If a girl ends the relationship there is a gaping hole where she used to be in his mind and his heart.  Lots of guys crash and burn when a woman dumps them.  An introvert hurts extra bad and might even blame himself for letting her in that deep.  Fierce self-inflicted blame just multiplies the heartbreak making things worse.  Introverts can be brutal to themselves.

3) Frozen in Time:  

Fear of getting hurt again can seal him in a fireproof safe.  Dating may be next to impossible.  Grief and anger may be controlling his every thought.  Friends may be nagging him to get back out there. An introvert can’t motivate himself to move on.  That sucks because a new love may be just what he needs.  A friend with benefits may be the perfect solution but the introverted guy may be secretly terrified of opening up again.

4) Speechless:

Introverts have a hard time talking about themselves even when they achieve a goal, win a game or earn a raise.  When something bad happens, there are truly no words.  Introverts may suffer in silence.  Sometimes alcohol can be helpful.  That and a friendly bartender may help an Introverted guy spill his guts.  But alcohol just delays real healing.  Finding someone to talk to is the secret to getting through.

5) The body of Evidence:

When an introverted man is in love with a woman who dumps him, it is like she has all the power. The shock may be very physical.  He may feel achy, sick, sleepless and especially sluggish or lethargic.  They call it heartbreak for a reason.  Your chest may actually ache.

An extroverted guy is less likely to hide away at home.  Getting out and doing stuff breaks up the breakup blues. Introverts may have a terrible time motivating to get up and out of the house.

So what to do?

First and foremost you must see yourself as a real catch.  Introverts have fantastic strengths to bring to a relationship.  The truth is, an introvert can be a fabulous boyfriend and husband.  Being in a breakup state of mind, you probably don’t believe any of that.

Here are some action steps you can take to soothe yourself in your breakup:

1) Find a Listener:

Introverts can be at a disadvantage because they don’t bond with people easily.  Getting some help to process all the strong emotions is a compassionate gift to yourself.  Sure, meeting someone else might really help.  How long is too long to wait to try again? Are your friends nagging you to date?  Can’t pull the trigger?  Consider talking to a coach to help you get moving.

2) Get Outside:

Introverts can bury themselves at home with their devices. They can form close bonds with internet companions. If you want to change that and date again, get outside.  Nature is refreshing and fulfilling.  Getting next to a body of water is highly recommended.  Commit to taking a walk every day.

3) Adopt a Dog:

There is nothing like the companionship of an animal.  If possible, introverts can change their overall mood by adopting a dog.  There are millions of homeless pets longing to be loved.  Loving an animal that loves unconditionally is a great heartbreak cure.  Can’t adopt right now?  Volunteer at the local animal shelter.  Animals are easier than people in lots of different ways.

4) Deja Vu:

Think back ten years ago.  What was fun for you then.  Did you play tennis?  Strum a guitar?  Sketch in museums?  Ride a unicycle?   Make a commitment to revisit an old passion. At least once a month spend time doing what you loved years ago.  Blending your sad emotion from today with a happy emotion from an old pleasure will help snap your brain chemistry into balance.

5) Let Yourself Off The Hook:

Did you trust the wrong girl?  Maybe.  Did you move too fast? Possibly.  Did you close your eyes to the warning signs?  Perhaps.  Even if you completely fucked it up, you have to find a way to let it go.  You did the best you could at the time.  It is hard to let someone in close.  You did it and then wham, she is gone.

Start saying this to yourself every day when you are getting ready in the morning:  “Even though a part of me thinks this is all my fault, there is another part of me that knows I did the best I could.”  “Even though a part of me is sure this is my fault, another part of me knows it always takes two.”  “Even though a part of me is positive it is my fault, another part of me knows I did the best I could.”

In Conclusion

Breakups are always a challenge. It sucks to lose someone you were sure of.  A new heartbreak brings up any of your past sad experiences.  There is nothing you can do about that.  There is no way out but through.  What doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.  Keep in mind that breakup recovery is a process and as long as you are moving forward, you will get through it.  If you are stuck in anger, denial, depression, grief or despair 6 months after your breakup, talk to a coach, therapist or pastor.  You deserve to have someone help you shake this old love off and move on.

Catherine Behanhttp://cougarcubacademy.com
Catherine Behan is an author, Cougar Cub Dating Coach and sex and romance expert. She writes a column for YourTango.com and gives helpful tips on her websites, CougarCubAcademy.com, BreakupCandy.com and AngelsFantasyLand.com.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Well he broke up with me. He is an introverted man. Would this still apply to him? He says he still loves me but wants to be friends with me however us being in a long-distance relationship was too difficult

    • It might be late, but I’m a man who had just been dump yesterday, and the article was right. It get pretty much the picture of what I feels right now.

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