So, you’ve got a crush. Whether it’s butterflies in your stomach around a male friend, or you spied a real hottie at the bar, we’ve all been there. Even the most confident of us can get flustered when we’re smitten with someone, and it can be hard to put on a cool persona and just ask someone out.
There is endless advice on how to approach this topic! Flip your hair, make eye contact, walk past him extra slow, etc. While these superficial tips might give you a little edge, there are a lot more fundamental and effective ways to catch and keep the attention of the guy you’ve set your sights on.
1. Upgrade Your Sexting Game
It’s the 21st century, ladies! Times are changing and so are our flirting habits. Gone are the days of waiting for someone outside their work or spending long hours on the phone at the end of the day. With the advent of texting, flirting has been taken to a whole new arena, and there are dozens of ways to use texting to your advantage while flirting, one of which is the holy grail of all digital flirting: sexting.
The beauty of the sext is that are already so many sexting examples to turn a guy on! Whether you’re sending a flirty message about not wearing underwear at work, or asking him what he’d like to do to your body later tonight, there are literally dozens of ways to use sexy texts to pique your guy’s interest.
2. Open Up Your Body Language
What’s the first thing you notice when you meet someone new? It’s probably their physical appearance; before anyone even starts talking, we get a pretty good idea of what we think of them just based on their looks. This extends to more than just the clothes you wear or the genetics that make up your face, but also the way that you carry yourself and hold your body. Body language is a huge part of the attraction.
Think about the people that you’re drawn to and who gets noticed more: is it the wallflower in the corner, or the person in the middle of the room chatting it up and using his arms to gesture a lot? Probably the latter. This makes sense, right? If someone is having a good time, everyone else wants to be a part of that good time, too. Use your body language and posture to communicate that you’re someone fun to be around!
Still don’t believe me? Well, it turns out scientists have conducted studies on this. It’s true! Results from two different studies showed that expansive (aka open) body language made people far more romantically desirable than those who had contractive (aka closed) posture. Generally, people who sat with an open posture were found to be more open in general and more dominant personalities, which ultimately was far more attractive to people. This was true for both men and women!
3. Become His Friend on Social Media
The internet is a perfect place for those indirect little flirty interactions. The ambiguity that comes from not being able to be eye-to-eye with someone means that there’s a lot of room for innuendo or ambiguity. These can be some of the hottest and most exciting moments in a new fling or relationship!
If you’ve interacted with a guy in person and you want to take a little risk to try and bring things to the next level, add him on social media! If you have mutual friends, and he sees a friend request pop up with your name and face, he’ll start thinking to himself that maybe, just maybe, you’re interested in him. As a result, he might take action and start talking to you, and once you two are in a private message together, there’s no telling where it could lead!
Be careful, though, not to crowd him or come off as desperate on social media. Tying to add all of his accounts at once, or going through and liking all of his photos, will put you on Fatal Attraction levels, and no guy wants to feel like he’s being suffocated.
4. Just Start Flirting!
99% of the time, nerves get in the way of our romantic success more than anything else. How many times have you heard a friend say, “Well, I would talk to him, but I’m just so worried. What if he rejects me? What if it’s awkward?” The most important hurdle to get over is often this first one; if you don’t have enough confidence to put yourself out there, how is anyone else going to see how awesomely date-able you are?
The best way to start flirting is just to do it. If it helps, science is on your side to give you some tips here! It turns out that a Webster University psychologist actually did her own study on flirting, and her results showed that it’s not always the people with drop-dead gorgeous looks who got asked out or flirted with. Most of the time, it was the people who were able to communicate that they were available!
5. Find Excuses to Touch Him
Alright, so you’ve made your way over to the guy you’re interested in and now you two are chatting it up. Maybe you’re talking in a group of people, or maybe it’s just the two of you, but no matter what the circumstance is, one of the best ways to subtly communicate your interest in a guy is to find small ways to touch him while talking to him. Men respond very well to physical touch, and even something as casual as a hand on the shoulder will get his attention in a way that makes him think, “Oh, wait, is she flirting with me? Hell yes!” and start seeing you in a sexual way.
6. Be Yourself!
Have you seen the movie Grease? In it, the main character Sandy starts off as a wholesome girly girl, with bows in her hair and light, feminine dresses. Her love interest, Danny, is a greaser and a “bad boy” who only hangs out with other bad boys and girls. By the end of the movie, Sandy completely changes her appearance in order to fit in better with Danny’s friends and become his girlfriend.
There’s a reason Grease is a movie and not real life: this kind of thing doesn’t really work! Changing yourself to impress a guy is pretty immature, and any guy worth his salt will be able to tell immediately that you’re faking to get his attention. The best way to interact with someone you’re interested in is to just be you! Don’t pretend to know things you don’t, or to have hobbies that you really don’t have. If he’s worth your time, he’ll like you for who you truly are.
7. Let Him Tell You About Himself!
Do you like to talk about yourself? It’s okay, you can say yes. We all like to do it from time to time. If you find yourself in a conversation with a guy who is talkative and willing to open up, encourage him to tell you all about who he is! If he’s telling a story, make eye contact, nod, and ask him questions related to what he’s talking about. If you can’t think of something to add, repeat something he’s said recently and ask for more details.
Showing that you’re engaged and interested in him will make him feel good about himself, and if he associates being around you with feeling good about himself, he’ll want to spend as much time with you as possible!
This is fantastic advice for all areas of life, honestly, but it’ll definitely up your flirting game significantly: keep a big, beautiful smile on your face. Some people say a smile is the best accessory, and it’s an immediate improvement to everyone’s attractiveness and approachability. When you smile more, you avoid having that resting angry face that some people get. A woman who is hanging out and smiling casually is far prettier than one who looks grumpy or upset.
Mr. Right is out there somewhere looking for you and hoping that you’re looking for him. You never know when he might show up, and honestly, that’s a big part of the excitement. Every day might be the day you meet him! Every place you walk into could be the place that you’re telling your children about years down the road, saying, “That’s where your father and I ran into each other for the first time!”
When it comes to the wild world of flirting and dating, there are no one-size-fits all method, and you have a lot of options at your disposal so that you can fine-tune your flirting strategy to suit yourself and the guy you like. At the end of the day, it’s important that you feel comfortable with the strategies you use to get a guy’s attention.