It’s ironic how the one thing on most men’s mind, about 80% of the time, should be accompanied by a stark question that is rarely ever approached—the question of birth control.
When it comes this important part of a relationship it’s often assumed, and left up to, the female to take care of, well, everything. It’s 2016 guys, it’s time we readjust our thought process. Not only because a sexual relationship is a tandem effort, but because You have a life you are building—take control of your future by being aware of what may be happening, or not happening, in it.
Now for your basic, and mutually agreed upon, “wham bam thank you stranger” encounters, you should Always, Always, let’s repeat, Always, use a condom.
However, if you’ve become serious with your girlfriend and have engaged in a sexual relationship and haven’t approached the subject you need to re-evaluate in what direction your relationship will be headed.
Think about it—wouldn’t you have a better time if you and your significant other are on the same page regarding the protocol of your birth control method? Now, it’s not an easy conversation to casually start up, but trust that if you bring it up the right way, in a caring manner, you’ll gain much appreciate and respect form your gf. So how do you do that? Simple:
1. Make Sure you Familiarize Yourself with Birth Control Methods
There’s no point in beginning a conversation when you have absolutely no idea about what methods or lingo will actually be involved and mentioned.
If you don’t have to stop her every few seconds to question every word, or look as if you’re “fake listening” (heads up, we hate that) it will work wonders during this pivotal conversation.
She’ll appreciate not having to explain every little piece of the hormonal puzzle to you—end the end it will save you both time and energy that could be spent on the post conversation sexy time (after some post conversation romancing of course). Medical terms and phrases like “uterine lining” aren’t turn-ons for either party.
2. Make Sure you Pick the Right Time to Initiate this Talk
Don’t just text “Hey girl, you on the Nuvaring?” while you’re on your lunch break eating hot wings.
Don’t worry, you don’t have to light candles and make her dinner, but do bring up this conversation when she’s relaxed and there’s ample time to discuss/evaluate your chosen method or disagreements regarding it.
It may be a quick and easy conversation; it may not be—leave a space of time (preferably when you are both alert yet relaxed) to discuss everything thoroughly. If it’s a quick conversation, you’ll have time for a movie!
3. Make Sure She Knows How Much you Value Her and the Relationship
Don’t approach this as if it’s all about you.
Of course bringing up this conversation has a lot to do with you worrying about your future and plans—women will respect that. However, no woman, if she cares about her boyfriend and cares about herself, wants to jeopardize each of your futures with something you aren’t ready for, nor does she want to feel unimportant when it comes to this discussion.
And regardless of your stance on the abortion issue, it’s something that people don’t necessarily want to go through—prevention of any unnecessary action should always be an adult’s highest priority when it comes to the bodies and health of someone they care for and respect. So make sure she feels respected and cared for during the conversation. There’s a lot men don’t know about different types of birth control. Hell, there’s a lot that women don’t know!
When you’ve asked the question, don’t just stare blankly or text on your phone—really listen to her answers in a pressure-free environment. And, do ask questions, we want you to ask questions. This is beneficial for BOTH of you. Maybe you’ll ask a question she hasn’t considered, or maybe it will be a time when she can ask your opinion on these matters.
Honestly, she may be unhappy with how her birth control is making her feel (some methods can cause nausea and pain). It takes time to find what works best for a woman’s body and knowing she can speak with you regarding those concerns will go great lengths in bringing you closer. You may find out things you didn’t know about each other—for better or for worse. But, it’s better to know now than later.
Now, for the Reality, After the Answers
Hopefully, you hear something that makes you feel confident and secure in your future.
However, if you hear something negative, such as (oh I’m not on anything) make sure you let her know your concerns—because that is not okay and you’re playing with fire.
Potential pregnancy isn’t something to be taken lightly. Condoms can break—just ask a huge percentage of the population. And even on the best birth control methods out there, accidents happen. Make sure you discuss options for plan B, splitting costs of birth control if you wish to do so and how you both feel about moving forward if a pregnancy should occur.
Knowing what you’re prepared for and that you are prepared and aware of each other’s choices will save a lot of headache—and it will put you at ease in your relationship.
Bottom line, boys move along in relationships without really knowing what their woman is currently utilizing, Men ask and are involved. If your genitals are going inside of someone, you owe it to yourself and your partner to ask questions.
Hone Your Methods! And then have fun!