Yes, it is true. A lot of men cheat.

But a lot of women do it too. There are actually quite a few studies that claim that women cheat more than men, but that’s not what I want to talk about in this article. The following lines are dedicated to all kinds of reasons why we men cheat.

Why did I decide to talk about this topic, even though this is usually something that is discussed on sites for women?

While it is true that a lot of women are interested in learning more about the reasons why their boyfriends, husbands and lovers decided to have fun with other women, it is also very important for you to think about the different reasons why you might end up cheating.

Maybe you recognize yourself in the following lines. Maybe reading this article helps you to connect the dots and to find out why you really did what you did. Maybe you have never even thought about cheating on your spouse and the following lines show you why others do what you don’t and how you can stay on this path.

The understanding of why you did something or why you didn’t do something can lead to thought processes that have the power to change the way you look at your relationship.

1. We Just Don’t Like Being Monogamous

One reason why men cheat is because we just don’t like being monogamous.

Now I can already hear the screams of angry wives and girlfriends.

“That’s because you rather think with your penis than with your brain! Being monogamous is easy if you would stop confusing your brain with that thing between your legs!”

Well, shall I really remind you of the fact that women cheat more than men?

To be honest, it really shocks me that there are so many women who are convinced, or who at least pretend to be convinced, that every man who doesn’t dream about being in a monogamous relationship or marriage is a prick, jerk and an immature idiot.

If being monogamous would be a natural desire, nobody would cheat. If being monogamous would be something that men really want from the bottom of their heart, there wouldn’t be millions of men who are addicted to pornography because they want to live out their fantasies of sleeping with as many women as possible.

There are a lot of studies out there that prove that monogamy is not natural. There are millions of men who cheat. There are millions of men who rather jerk off to a picture of another woman than to sleep with their wives (sorry, but I know from conversations with married men that this is a fact).

And yet, we are still judged, condemned and called names when we claim that we are simply not designed to be monogamous. It’s ridiculous. 

2. We Struggle With Porn Addiction

I just mentioned that there are millions of men who use porn as a way to cope with their monogamous marriages. While this is true, watching porn is not only a desperate attempt to experience a life with more than one sexual partner. It can also be one of the main causes why you want to cheat.

I don’t say that porn is necessarily the reason why people decide to step over the boundaries of monogamy. All I want to say is that watching a lot of porn can increase your desire to leave your monogamous life behind you. In my experience porn functions as an amplifier of the desire to cheat on your spouse.

Back in the days when I battled with porn addiction I observed that my desire to cheat on my girlfriend got stronger and stronger, the more porn I consumed. And it makes total sense. The more porn you watch, the easier it is for your brain to link your endorphin rushes to the fact that you just had (virtual) sex with ten hot girls in seven different browser tabs.

In case you think about cheating on your girlfriend you should first ask yourself since when you have this desire and if your porn addiction might be a reason why you have it in the first place. Once you stop having wild orgies with ten virtual girls you will be able to enjoy the sex with one real girl a lot more. 

3. We Have Commitment Phobia

Some men are simply not able to commit to a woman. Period.

It’s sad, but it’s true.

One guy I know had such a deep-rooted fear of commitment that he broke up with every girl he ended up in bed with, before there was even a relationship. No matter how amazing, supportive and lovable a woman was, he tried to get rid of her as soon as things started to get serious. By “getting serious” I mean a sexual relationship that lasted longer than two weeks. This guy suffered from commitment phobia.

This guy was me.

There was a time when I literally forced myself to jump in bed with another girl, as soon as I started to like the girl I had slept with the day before. I don’t know if you can call it cheating, because I haven’t been in a relationship with any of these girls, but it was definitely not healthy and I sometimes still think about what would have happened if I wouldn’t have kicked girl X, Y or Z out of my life.

I was lucky enough to meet an amazing woman once I had overcome my commitment phobia. Other men are not that lucky.

There are a lot of men who cheat, because their fears dictate them to find the fastest way out of the relationship. They mess up things with a girl who would be perfect for them, just because they are scared of commitment.

4. We Want to Feel Loved

Men want to feel loved and they want to be with women who love them. Yes, even the strong alpha men who live on protein shakes and steroids need love. They need it the most.

Just like women, men crave for love. That’s a fact and no matter how emotionally strong you are or pretend to be, you still need at least one person in your life who loves you, even if it’s just your dog.

What if we men don’t have the feeling that we are loved? What if we are trapped in a relationship that doesn’t provide us with the feeling that is necessary to live a fulfilled life?

Well, then we try to get this feeling from somewhere else, respectively from someone else. Believe it or not, but a lot of men don’t cheat because they are sick and tired of their monogamous relationship. They do it because they want to miss the feeling of being loved.

I once talked to a girl who worked as an escort and she told me that a lot of her clients paid her an incredible amount of money to have sex for a couple of minutes and to cuddle with her for hours. They didn’t book her for sex. They booked her for companionship, affection and love.

5. We Want to Feel Desired

Speaking of lying in another woman’s arms…

It is true that men want to feel loved and that a lack of this feeling can motivate us to cheat. However, we also want to feel desired. We want to have the feeling that the woman we are with wants to sleep with us.

What if you are together with a woman for over twenty years and she is more excited about watching a trashy reality TV show than about touching your dick?

In this case you have a problem. To be more precise, you have a problem that probably motivates you to cheat on her. If she doesn’t make you feel desired and if she doesn’t see you as the sexually attractive man you are, you will have a hard time to get rid of the thought that you should find someone else who gives you this feeling.

There is only one question you should ask yourself before you go out and hunt for girls who think that you are desirable:

Are you really that desirable?

I don’t want to be rude, but if you spent the last twenty years drinking beer, eating fast food and walking around in sweat pants, you should think about whether you or she is more likely to cheat.

 6. We are Bored Out of Our Minds

Some men cheat even though they feel loved and even though they feel desired by their wives or their girlfriends. So why do they do it? They do it because they are bored out of their minds.

Having sex with the same girl every day of the week can be boring. Sleeping with her in the missionary position without ever trying out some kinky stuff can be boring. Knowing all the buttons you have to push can be boring. Knowing exactly what you have to do to make her orgasm can be boring.

To be honest, I think that boredom is the most ridiculous reason why men cheat.

Seriously, if the sex with your partner is boring, it is on you to do something about it. And no, I am not talking about sleeping with another girl with whom you have the same boring sex as with your girlfriend.

I am talking about learning one or two things about female sexuality and focusing all your energy on pleasing her and on being the adventurous lover that she fantasizes about. If you do this, you will see how satisfying it can be to turn a bored woman into a sexual freak. 

7. We Need a Reason to End the Misery

What if you don’t even want to leave your comfortable cubicle, because you rather want to work the whole evening than being at home with your dragon?

In case this sounds familiar to you, it is just a matter of time until you cheat. As a man who is in an unhappy, unfulfilling and maybe even toxic relationship you will eventually reach a point where you will do everything to get out of this situation.

One easy way to end a relationship that a lot of guys fall back on is cheating. I actually had a conversation with a guy who told me that he promised himself to never become one of those men who cheat, until he saw cheating as the fastest and easiest way to end his relationship.

After you have cheated on your girlfriend, you can easily convince yourself and her that breaking up would be the best for both of you. That’s exactly what some men need. 

8. We Can’t Resist the Temptation

While all of the above mentioned reasons are true for some men, there is one universal reason why men cheat that nearly all men have to battle with. No matter if you are in a happy or in an unhappy relationship, resisting the temptation can be freaking hard.

Just imagine you are married to a beautiful woman. You love her, but somehow the daily routine makes it nearly impossible for you to enjoy your relationship. You work long hours and when you come home she is already sleeping. You are constantly tired, she is constantly tired and the more you focus on your careers, the less time you spend with each other.

The only woman you spend a lot of time with is your cute colleague who works on this new project with you. You talk a lot, you find out that you have the same interests and one day you look her into the eyes and you feel something that you haven’t felt in a long time. That’s how it all starts.

The temptation is a constant companion in every man’s life.

The question is: how do you deal with it?

In Conclusion

There are several reasons why men cheat. One reason is their inability to deal with a monogamous lifestyle. Maybe they struggle with porn addiction and are not able to commit to any woman, no matter how perfect she might be. In addition to that, men want to feel loved and desired. If they don’t have a woman in their lives who provides them with these two feelings, they might end up cheating.

Another reason, even though it is a very stupid one, is boredom. If you are bored you instinctively look out for excitement. A lot of men hope to find it in another bed. Maybe you are in an unhappy relationship and you think that cheating is a sure way of ending your misery. Even if you are in a happy relationship, the temptation is a constant companion.


  1. Great article and topic, Sebastian.

    Well-written – and I’ve been saying this for years,

    Why the F are women “convinced”….
    “…that every man who doesn’t dream about being in a monogamous relationship or marriage is a prick, jerk and an immature idiot.”

    Great stuff.


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