One day, I was cruising through my matches on Tinder and a guy sent me a message. You know that excitement at a prospect of meeting someone new and potentially creating a long-lasting relationship?
Well, that feeling disappeared pretty quickly once I saw the text. A generic ‘What’s up?` from a guy with a half-finished profile. A bit more research only brought more disappointment. There were many pictures and none of them gave me a single clue as to who this guy was and he didn’t share one useful information about himself.
This made me think about what else are guys doing wrong on their online dating profile and as I looked into it and talked to more women about it, the list got bigger.
Oh, and if you are wondering about that guy, well, he was ignored – of course.
Being Too General
One very common mistake is creating a profile that is ridiculously generic. Do you have any idea how many guys describe themselves as “fun-loving,” “caring,” and “intelligent?” Hint: it’s a lot. You’re trying to stand out, and using generic adjectives like “fun” is no way to do that. What you want to do is show how you’re different from the other guys on the site. Give some specific details about your personality and interests.
What do you actually do for fun? What are some things you’ve done with your intelligence? If you include some real examples then you give the woman something to be interested in, something she can ask you about, and maybe something she also enjoys. The more specific you are, the more interesting your profile is, and the higher chance she sees something that you have in common.
Then you can actually have a conversation about something you both care about. Try and avoid cliches and put some thought into what you actually enjoy doing, and not what you think will impress someone. For example, if you go camping once every three years it’s probably not wise to list that as one of your interests. You’re trying to find someone who has similar interests that you can connect with, so be accurate.
Bad Messaging Skills
Once you’ve found someone you’re interested in it’s time to send a message. A lot of guys struggle with this part. Avoid cookie-cutter messages like “Hey,” or “How are you?” These types of messages show very low effort and are just bad conversation starters in general.
Also, women receive these messages frequently and get bored of them, chances are if you send one it will just be deleted. One good way to start a conversation is with an open ended question. Asking “What kind of music do you like?” is a better option than “Do you like hip hop?” because one gives her a chance to tell you a bit about her interests, while the other can simply be answered “Yes,” or “No.”
Another way to increase your chances of a response is to mention something specific from their profile, perhaps one of their interests or something in one of their photos that caught your eye. It shows you cared enough to read her profile, and it gives you something to talk about beyond just saying hello.
No One Wants to Hear Your Sob Story
Most people have had some bad experiences with dating and relationships. Your dating profile is not a good place to work through those issues. Avoid talking about bad experiences you’ve had, times you’ve been hurt, or people who used you and left you. This kind of oversharing is a big turn off and not attractive.
Even if the rest of your profile is good it’s hard to overcome this kind of pity party. It will also cause a woman looking at your profile to wonder if you will bring this kind of baggage to a new relationship, and if she’s prepared to deal with it. It’s a red flag that you might be the source of your problems and drama.
It’s best to just leave it off your profile and focus on your more positive qualities. She’ll find out about your baggage soon enough but at least by then she’ll have seen some of your better side.
Write and Proofread a Perfect Dating Profile
Women hate seeing grammar and spelling mistakes – plain and simple. It’s repulsive, makes you seem ignorant and like you don’t pay much attention to details. Also, using text message lingo like ‘lol’, ‘btw’ or anything similar is for teens. According to a study done by POF in 2018, 59% of the users state that they couldn’t live with bad grammar. The right woman for you is looking for a grown-up man, the one who writes in full, accurate sentences. Be that man.
Here are some resources to help you out:
Via Writing and SimpleGrad – These are resources you can use to improve the writing on your profile. You don’t want it to look like you don’t care, it’s better to make it look like you put some effort in.
Bad Profile Photos
Your photos are obviously a big part of what makes your profile attractive or unattractive. One big mistake is having a bunch of photos of you at a distance or photos that are blurry. These kinds of photos make it hard for a woman to decide if she’s attracted to you and makes it look like you’re hiding something. Leave out photos with your ex, even if she’s cropped out, and if you take a photo with your sister or cousin, make sure to say who it is. Include photos of you smiling; it’s not your driver’s license photo so just smile. Watch your posture in your profile pictures. Photos of you slouching or relaxing on the couch will just never be as flattering as you standing or sitting up straight. Avoid shirtless photos of you in the bathroom, just don’t do it.
You focus only on what you want
While most of us do have a type and we want to let the others know what we like and don’t like in a person, it’s never a good idea to speak only of this on your dating profile. You see, while you are looking for that perfect women for you, that women is probably looking for someone that she’ll like and if she stumbles upon your profile, she won’t be able to learn anything about you.
This is why you need to be a bit more open-minded and post some details about yourself. And don’t just stick to the basics like your favorite food or movie. Sharing those things isn’t wrong and bonding over similar interests happens a lot but a more personal detail would be better.
For example, share what you like to do with your friends, places you would like to see, what your goals in life are – all the things that will let the other person get to know you a bit better than knowing that your favorite food is pizza.
Having Nothing to Say
“A lot of guys don’t make much of an effort to write a description for their profile. It doesn’t have to be hard and all you need is about 250 words. The most important part is your opener. This is where you can grab a woman’s attention with your sense of humor or wittiness,” says Mark Kamen, writer at Eliteassignmenthelp.
Try starting off with a funny anecdote, or a funny quirk of yours. Tell that story about getting chased by a swan, or the time you accidentally used hot pepper instead of paprika. Quick stories about funny things happening to you, or something that reveals a bit of your personality.
Quirky and self-deprecating is good, just don’t cross the line into weirdo territory. You’re marketing yourself, which feels funny to most guys. Just don’t let that prevent you from writing a description, because your chances of success will go down without a good one.
Being Too Picky
You might have a pretty clear idea of what you’re looking for. So why not make a laundry list of what you want, and what you don’t want, right? Wrong. Okay, so you have a type, but you really don’t want to discourage women from contacting you.
And if you really go overboard in your “demands” you will look like a jerk. Women will look at your list of qualifications and wonder how much of a pain in the butt you’ll be to spend time with. Is he this picky about everything? Will he be on my case about how I look, how I dress?
How much I weigh, how much my friends weigh? Your profile should mostly focus on you anyway and give women reading it a good idea of what you’re like, not just what you are looking for in a partner.
A lot of people meet their significant other through online dating these days, so there’s no reason to be self-conscious. There’s also no reason not to put in a decent effort on your profile. After reading this you’ve got no excuse for making a lousy profile, just avoid these eight big mistakes and you’ll have women virtually fighting over you online.