When Her Family Doesn't Like You: 5 Ways to Win Her Parents Over

When Her Family Doesn't Like You 5 Ways to Win Her Parents Over [From Her]

Most of you who are reading this probably think your significant other’s parents absolutely love you! You’re probably right. It can take a lot to lose the parents’ acceptance and respect in the first few weeks/months.

And if you started with a clean slate and messed that up on your own, then you’re probably not going to be the type of guy who will enjoy this article — so you can skip it.

However, if you’re with a girl that you truly care about, then you’ll want her parents to get over their unexplainable and unwarranted bias for whatever reason they hold it maybe you’re the “new one” and her dad is still friends with the “old one”, or maybe you don’t play golf or like the same football team as her dad (or mom, because women can be football fanatics too); maybe you’re a vegetarian and they run a BBQ stand.

The point is this: it’s not a lost cause to take a few steps to win them over.

However, if you’re a vegetarian—you’re most likely on your own dude.

Anyways, I digress. Here you are:

5 Ways to Win Her Parents Over

1) Respect Their Daughter on Social Media

Add them on Facebook and let them see how much they love your daughter. It should be easy, if you really do love her. But don’t be nasty, don’t talk about “dat ass” outside of the bedroom.

Bonus move: Make a status about how much you appreciate her in your life and tag her parents saying “You raised an incredible daughter blah blah blah.” Sure she may be a major b*tch most times with some wicked moves in the sack, and maybe that’s why you love her, but her parents want to know she’s a wholesome saint of a woman.

2) Include Them in Holidays

The last thing you want to do is see their faces on Christmas morning, but I promise you if you DON’T welcome them in your home or acknowledge their existence on major holidays it will send a bad message.

It sends a message that says “I don’t see the importance of contacting or sending well wishes on major holidays.” Wishing them a Happy Holiday will show a level of maturity and that you place family (your own, or those of the ones you love) on a pedestal.

Bonus Move: Don’t send a holiday card with both of you on it. Send them a gift card to their favorite restaurant instead, or include them in a group text that says “Happy Fourth!”

3) Don’t force yourself on them:

It may drive you crazy that her parents don’t seem to care for you—regardless of how hard you try to win their approval, but don’t let it cause you to be annoying.

Don’t grab the phone every time they call and try to chat. Don’t pretend to enjoy something just because they do and don’t be up their daughter’s butt when you’re around them. It will seem forced and as if it’s simply a façade—and that will only cause more distance in the end.

Bonus Move: If you find something that you think her father might like—say an old artifact or a rare book, let her take it to him. It could be just something you found in a thrift shop, but the sentiment and the fact that he doesn’t have to feel pressured to fawn enthusiasm at your face will put him in a relaxed state.

4) Dress Appropriately

Always show them that you respect them and their daughter by being clean and presentable at scheduled appearances, especially if it revolves around their daughter. If you show up to their family friend’s son’s wedding with their daughter on your arm and you’re wearing an ill-fitting pair of slacks and haven’t combed your hair all day you’re going to send a bad signal to the mom and pop.

Bonus Move: Coordinate with your girlfriend when possible. This doesn’t mean matching paisley patterns; just simply look as if you two go together well. And always make sure to ask your girl about the appropriate level of dress for any event to which her parents will be in attendance.

5) Relax

There’s nothing more unsettling for a potential father or mother in law than a guy who seems unsure of who he is as a person. Unless you’re an asshole, chances are that it’s not going to take that long for them to see that you have confidence in yourself and in your ability to make their daughter happy.

Be pleasant and cordial, but always be you. There aren’t a lot of fathers and mothers who can dislike someone who makes their child happy. You do your part, let your girl do hers and the rest will fall into peaceful balance.

Bonus Move: Take the wisecracks from her father in stride—showing you have a sense of humor denotes a confident attitude. We aren’t talking about rolling over and playing dead here, if he insults you to a point that you yourself feel disrespected make sure he knows that by insulting you, he is insulting his daughter.

That should get him to pipe down. And will probably allow him to see the error of his comments. Showing that you care more about his daughter than yourself will probably end up winning you some points.

In Conclusion

All in all, remember that nothing will ever be perfect. Eventually you and your girlfriend are going to argue and/or breakup, probably get back together and then have a major disagreement. She’s probably going to go to her parents for advice.

You’ll never completely win over the father of a daddy’s girl and you’ll probably get the stink eye a few times from her mother. But if your girl is worth it, then she’s worth it. And don’t forget, that she may be internalizing certain feelings of inadequacy around your parents as well.

Be honest with each other about your concerns and use it as an opportunity to grow closer. Parents will never know the real you, but your girlfriend does–and that’s the only opinion that matters at the end of the day.


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