How to get Over a Breakup?
3 things that will help you to get over the breakup

Having to deal with a breakup? Here are 3 steps that will help you to get over it.

A breakup is something nobody enjoys to go through. It often includes a lot of pain. Everything changes from one moment to another and sometimes we need to rearrange our whole lives.

 

Breakup means change

A breakup is an act of change. And this change can hurt. Men in particular, experience hard times when it comes to dealing with a breakup.

A breakup can be either shocking and unexpected, or it can come slowly, so that we almost see it coming. But whatever way it happens, it’s an emotional experience. An experience that most men are not prepared for. It goes deep and especially in a society where men are taught to supress their feelings, it’s often an experience of loneliness and the feeling that “others don’t understand, through what we are actually going through”.

It’s not easy, especially if you have been deeply engaged with that person. Life can feel empty, depressed and we find that, something so familiar suddenly is missing in our lives.

But a breakup is not necessarily a ‘bad’ thing. It is actually an amazing opportunity to step forward and to grow personally.

In this article I’m going to share with you 3 things that will help you to get over this period of time and that will inspire you to free yourself and enjoy life again.

 

1. Discover again what you love to do after the breakup

There was a time in your life where you didn’t have a girlfriend. You probably did quite well; you’ve had your friends around you, your hobbies and the things you loved in your life.

A breakup brings a radical change of our daily routine with it – And a lot of time.

Suddenly we have the time again to do more things, we are passionate about. But because we’ve forgotten about them, it’s common to feel a sense of emptiness in our lives.

A breakup gets more and more painful, when we stay inactive. Life seems meaningless (which is a bullshit story we tell ourselves and not true at all). But we take away the meaning if we stay in bed all day long and bath in the feeling of grief and depression.

It’s your job to reorganize yourself and it’s your opportunity to do what you always wanted to do. It’s your opportunity to fill your day with things you love, but didn’t have time before.

So ask yourself the following questions:

“What is something that I always wanted to do, but I didn’t have the time for it?”

“What would I like to learn or explore?”

“What possibilities can arise out of that breakup?”

Give your life meaning again and step forward. This is the time to follow your calling to grow and to explore new things.

After a breakup it's time to explore and do what you love.
After a breakup, it’s time to explore and to do what you love.

2. Decide to learn from the breakup and evolve from it

As hard as it might feel, as unfair or depressing it is, a breakup can become an incredible teacher if we are humble enough to look at it from a higher perspective and are willing to learn and to evolve from that.

You’re not the only one on this planet who ever experienced a breakup – even though, I know, it feels like. But in fact, it’s something almost everyone has to deal with at least once in their lives. On this website only, I bet, there are hundreds of men who went through a similar experience (give a shout out in the comments 😉 ).

You always have two choices on how you respond to those ‘bad’ feelings and experiences.

Suffering as a breakup-victim, forever

You can play the victim role. Which we all do at times, (and especially in the beginning of a breakup, this is a very common reaction)

You can blame others, you can blame yourself, you can judge, worry and bath in grief and frustration.

But before you decide to do that, ask yourself the question: Does this serve me right now to live a happy and fulfilled life? If the answer is no, then it’s time to step forward.

Learning and evolving from a breakup

If you find yourself playing the role of the ‘victim’ at the moment, take this paragraph as an inspiration to grow. It is normal to feel hurt and attacked, but the day you decide to see the bigger picture, is the day where you start to learn from life.

This makes the difference between people who convert a breakup into a deep strengthening experience and the once who suffer forever, because the ones who step up, take responsibilities for their lives.

You can’t hurt me, only I can do that. Byron Katie

This is the opportunity of your lifetime to step forward and you can make this decision right now.

Start to dream big, explore, find your purpose and follow your passion. Now is your time!

A breakup is a teaching for live. Decide to learn and evolve from it.
A breakup is a teaching for live. Decide to learn and evolve from it.

3. Forgive Yourself and Her

This is probably the hardest step of all. But you will only get over your breakup and find peace, once you have the courage to forgive. Forgive her, and yourself.

Whatever happened, a breakup never happens without a reason. The question is: Can you forgive her and yourself?

Forgiveness happens internally and it is not always an easy task, especially when we feel hurt. But remember, you are the one who hurts yourself the moment you decide to keep being offended by something that’s already in the past.

Here’s the best way to forgive your ex after the breakup

Realise again, that she is also a human being who wants to be happy. Wish her the best. Wish her peace, because that will bring you peace.

It might take some time and courage but by doing that you are simultaneously doing it for yourself. She might have done some stupid things, in the past. We all do, because we are human.

There is always a main reason why people do things: Because they think it will help them to be happy. Building compassion, and trying to understand her, is ultimately powerful.

You can let her go. Because I know that you can be happy without her, and you know that too, because you have proven it to yourself in the past.

Appreciate the time you’ve spent together. I’m sure you shared amazing moments. Be grateful for them.

But times are changing. We evolve, we discover new things, we learn, we change interest, and sometimes, when people change, they might find no way to give and support each other in such great ways anymore as in the beginning.

Most people get depressed, when they try to hold on to something. It’s like if you, desperately, want to control something that you can’t control.

But what you can do is wishing her the best. Making peace with yourself – and with her. Seeing it from a higher perspective, from a mature perspective and be grateful for what you’ve experienced, what you learned, and how you were able to evolve from that.

It’s your time NOW

Everything has an end one day. In fact, breakups happen all the time, they are often just much less emotional. Like quitting a job, or graduating and leaving your school. It is part of life.  And we always step forward. We always learn. And it’s your decision about the meaning you give to it. It’s your decision to stay true to yourself. It’s your decision to take responsibility about your life and to allow yourself to be free again.

Question: Did you ever experience a breakup or are you going through one at the moment? How do you feel, and what’s most challenging to you? Please post your answer below.

Was this article helpful to you? Please share it with your friends and spread the word if you think it could help others too.

You can also visit my website for weekly new articles and programs. www.samuelryter.com

Sam

 

6 COMMENTS

  1. I have had a break up, I don’t know why it is so hard to forget about her. She always seems like she is the best that I could ever have in my life ( though I know this is not the truth). I just want to make peace with myself and her, and I don’t know why I get some emotional seizure and not be myself when I talk to her. She moved on, and it kinda hurts to think about it.
    I just need some advice on how to control those emotion surges when I see, I want to talk normally and be cool about it.
    The material was great , I could resonate with it.

    I absolutely love Menprovement, and it has helped me in countless ways, and I am on a journey to becoming a better version of myself and achieving more freedom as well

    thank you

    • Hey Tossen. Thanks for your comment. And I have to say, it’s not easy to reply on that, as I only can see the text in front of me.
      But instead of giving you advice, I’d like to give you some questions you can ask yourself.
      – What, from your side does it take to make peace with her and yourself?
      – What is required for you to move on?
      – What am I afraid of? (Especially when trying to control the emotions in front of her…)

      Sam

  2. Hi Sam,
    Thank you for your article, it helps alot. Most of these blogs are for a women’s perspective. Really heart-warming to find something written in a male’s perspective. Thumbs up!

    My story…..(longer then anticipated)….
    I am going through a break-up atm. We have been together for 5 years, in the last year we lived together. End of august she left.

    Somewhere down the line we developed an unhealthy relationship; she became too dependant of me. She had no contact with her family, no friends, no colleagues (lost job). She had only me to lean on; I became her everything: dad, mom, lover, listening ear, therapist etc.
    I was so busy to accomodate only her wishes and needs and in the meantime trying to be strong for both of us.

    Needless to say, I lost track of my own wishes and needs.
    Our fights became increasingly louder and harder (no physical violence).
    It was my way of telling her I wanted to be heard as well. In the last months I closed myself off; just could not bear anymore. I kinda chased her away by becoming indifferent, I did not hear her cries for help anymore, nor her cries for love, and she did…it’s still echoing in my mind..
    You know that song from The Chainsmokers, Dont let me down? Something like that…

    Just before she left, she met an old colleague, male. He was able to help her to find a room but I quickly discovered they were interested in each other. He was saying and doing just the right things she needed to hear. Easy, huh?
    I know nothing happened, but the thought alone was the final push for me;
    I helped her moving and some small stuff and after that I did not want to be involved in her anymore.
    I am relieved she is gone, but we both love and miss each other very much, we told each other on some phonecalls after.

    How do I feel? Miserable and guilty, like I “let her down”.
    Pickin up my life tho, from the shrapnel, your article helps.
    And my biggest challenge and fear is that she does not “need” me anymore but that she is turning to “that other guy”.

    Why is she still calling me and crying she miss me, it confuses me. Does she want us back together? Sam, I dont expect an answer on thàt, it just confuses the h*** out of me.

    Thanks for reading,
    Harold

    • Dear Harold
      Thank you so much for your message! I’m grateful and I’d like to honor your honesty. I can feel you, she does not ‘need’ you anymore. Something disappeared we were so used to… At the end of the day, we all just want to be happy. And that is not something we can get from someone else. Some might help us. But we all have to experience it by ourselves.

      Sometimes we hold on to things that are not bringing us any further, but we are afraid to ‘loose’ the happiness or not being loved anymore. The ego kicks in, that is afraid of being lonely. But nobody can be lonely. Loneliness is just created with our thoughts. Eventually, you know deep inside what’s best, don’t be guided by fear, you’ll do the right thing. The best for you and for her.

      Thank you Harold

  3. This is real, and this site has been very helpful in finding myself again,

    My girlfriend of a year and a half the one I thought was the “The one” who told me she would never leave me, all she wanted was me, broke up with me after a few months of going on a break, she lost the spark, lost the attraction..

    I let myself go physically which I know was one of the things she was attracted to in the first place, I lost myself too, I just went to work and put so much in building up my security and financial status, that I lost site of who I was, and stopped appreciating, but it was to little to late during the break stages.. she ended up leaving because she said she can’t be committed to anyone right now, she needed to be alone not tethered..

    she is going through a lot mentally.. diagnosed with Bi Polar, or BPD, I know she isn’t the only girl in the world, but she’s the one I deeply love, we still talk every day, she wants to be friends/friendly but I make it clear I still have feelings for her, we make plans.

    her cat still lives with me, I’ve been really focused on myself and finding my passions again, because weather or not they can re-attract her to me, when and if the time is right, I’ve been killing it at the gym and she’s made very positive comments about it.

    I don’t know if what we are doing is unhealthy hanging on, all her friends were my friends first so that’s kind of hard to just shut down on her, and with her mental state, I just try and be there for her when she needs me, without being needy myself, I’ve been talking/flirting with other girls but have no real interest because I’m not over her.. and I’m not sure I want to be.. something in my heart tells me we are meant to be together, in a different more healthy relationship, not looking to restart the same thing, even though it was great we never really fought..

    I don’t know why I’m ranting about this here, I hope I’m on the right track one way or another.. I guess I just needed to vent a little, any insight would be great, it’s been 3 weeks now, and I do miss her, but it’s less all the time, and we see each other still a fair bit and have a lot of fun together, she still lets me grab her ass when I hug her goodnight 😉

    Any insight would be appreciated, this was my first real good healthy relationship and I took a lot away from it regardless, I just really vibe with her heart and care about her immensely..

    Thanks for looking at this!

  4. Only a couple things are being missed.
    1) the warmth of her butt every night right next to my hip, sleeping safely cos i knew she was there
    2) her car was much more $ efficient than my rusty heap of V8 so daily routine got done faster
    3) working ass off at shitty jobs sometimes felt so good cos she welcomed back home and it smelled like home cos of woman presence and nice food made, wasnt always high end but felt made with love
    4) felt i was needed by someone, whenever she had cold legs or aching back, the power of touch made her feel good
    5) sometimes she was the One cos the way we learnt having sex together was the best i’ve had, i still get occasionally a bit of the hole but those girls don’t feel right

    The biggest deals were reorganizing mind to find again the feeling of being needed by someone, and the perhaps imaginary great fear of ppl looking down on me and knowing every little thing i sucked at with her.

    That happened 1,5yrs ago. After 6 months of hiding, realized i need to stop drinking and sleeping all day n fucking around on Xbox all night. I needed a job, so i took the first shitty opportunity that was thrown this way, sometimes i felt i was being treated like a dog. But getting wood at a carpenter shop made me realize it’s all about doing things and soon after, girls started looking this way and sometimes need to say no to some of them cos they cause more drama than profit.
    Best thing was to realize that she has the right to be wrong too, now im not so blind at her being a dick, plus shes gotten so fat of all the drinking with a wimpy wuss older man that my buddies can’t stop laughing
    Recently she told me that she misses us doing anal, and i was like i can’t help you there little lady

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