Having to deal with a breakup? Here are 3 steps that will help you to get over it.
A breakup is something nobody enjoys to go through. It often includes a lot of pain. Everything changes from one moment to another and sometimes we need to rearrange our whole lives.
Breakup means change
A breakup is an act of change. And this change can hurt. Men in particular, experience hard times when it comes to dealing with a breakup.
A breakup can be either shocking and unexpected, or it can come slowly, so that we almost see it coming. But whatever way it happens, it’s an emotional experience. An experience that most men are not prepared for. It goes deep and especially in a society where men are taught to supress their feelings, it’s often an experience of loneliness and the feeling that “others don’t understand, through what we are actually going through”.
It’s not easy, especially if you have been deeply engaged with that person. Life can feel empty, depressed and we find that, something so familiar suddenly is missing in our lives.
But a breakup is not necessarily a ‘bad’ thing. It is actually an amazing opportunity to step forward and to grow personally.
In this article I’m going to share with you 3 things that will help you to get over this period of time and that will inspire you to free yourself and enjoy life again.
1. Discover again what you love to do after the breakup
There was a time in your life where you didn’t have a girlfriend. You probably did quite well; you’ve had your friends around you, your hobbies and the things you loved in your life.
A breakup brings a radical change of our daily routine with it – And a lot of time.
Suddenly we have the time again to do more things, we are passionate about. But because we’ve forgotten about them, it’s common to feel a sense of emptiness in our lives.
A breakup gets more and more painful, when we stay inactive. Life seems meaningless (which is a bullshit story we tell ourselves and not true at all). But we take away the meaning if we stay in bed all day long and bath in the feeling of grief and depression.
It’s your job to reorganize yourself and it’s your opportunity to do what you always wanted to do. It’s your opportunity to fill your day with things you love, but didn’t have time before.
So ask yourself the following questions:
“What is something that I always wanted to do, but I didn’t have the time for it?”
“What would I like to learn or explore?”
“What possibilities can arise out of that breakup?”
Give your life meaning again and step forward. This is the time to follow your calling to grow and to explore new things.
2. Decide to learn from the breakup and evolve from it
As hard as it might feel, as unfair or depressing it is, a breakup can become an incredible teacher if we are humble enough to look at it from a higher perspective and are willing to learn and to evolve from that.
You’re not the only one on this planet who ever experienced a breakup – even though, I know, it feels like. But in fact, it’s something almost everyone has to deal with at least once in their lives. On this website only, I bet, there are hundreds of men who went through a similar experience (give a shout out in the comments 😉 ).
You always have two choices on how you respond to those ‘bad’ feelings and experiences.
Suffering as a breakup-victim, forever
You can play the victim role. Which we all do at times, (and especially in the beginning of a breakup, this is a very common reaction)
You can blame others, you can blame yourself, you can judge, worry and bath in grief and frustration.
But before you decide to do that, ask yourself the question: Does this serve me right now to live a happy and fulfilled life? If the answer is no, then it’s time to step forward.
Learning and evolving from a breakup
If you find yourself playing the role of the ‘victim’ at the moment, take this paragraph as an inspiration to grow. It is normal to feel hurt and attacked, but the day you decide to see the bigger picture, is the day where you start to learn from life.
This makes the difference between people who convert a breakup into a deep strengthening experience and the once who suffer forever, because the ones who step up, take responsibilities for their lives.
[su_quote cite=”Byron Katie”]You can’t hurt me, only I can do that. [/su_quote]
This is the opportunity of your lifetime to step forward and you can make this decision right now.
Start to dream big, explore, find your purpose and follow your passion. Now is your time!
3. Forgive Yourself and Her
This is probably the hardest step of all. But you will only get over your breakup and find peace, once you have the courage to forgive. Forgive her, and yourself.
Whatever happened, a breakup never happens without a reason. The question is: Can you forgive her and yourself?
Forgiveness happens internally and it is not always an easy task, especially when we feel hurt. But remember, you are the one who hurts yourself the moment you decide to keep being offended by something that’s already in the past.
Here’s the best way to forgive your ex after the breakup
Realise again, that she is also a human being who wants to be happy. Wish her the best. Wish her peace, because that will bring you peace.
It might take some time and courage but by doing that you are simultaneously doing it for yourself. She might have done some stupid things, in the past. We all do, because we are human.
There is always a main reason why people do things: Because they think it will help them to be happy. Building compassion, and trying to understand her, is ultimately powerful.
You can let her go. Because I know that you can be happy without her, and you know that too, because you have proven it to yourself in the past.
Appreciate the time you’ve spent together. I’m sure you shared amazing moments. Be grateful for them.
But times are changing. We evolve, we discover new things, we learn, we change interest, and sometimes, when people change, they might find no way to give and support each other in such great ways anymore as in the beginning.
Most people get depressed, when they try to hold on to something. It’s like if you, desperately, want to control something that you can’t control.
But what you can do is wishing her the best. Making peace with yourself – and with her. Seeing it from a higher perspective, from a mature perspective and be grateful for what you’ve experienced, what you learned, and how you were able to evolve from that.
It’s your time NOW
Everything has an end one day. In fact, breakups happen all the time, they are often just much less emotional. Like quitting a job, or graduating and leaving your school. It is part of life. And we always step forward. We always learn. And it’s your decision about the meaning you give to it. It’s your decision to stay true to yourself. It’s your decision to take responsibility about your life and to allow yourself to be free again.
Question: Did you ever experience a breakup or are you going through one at the moment? How do you feel, and what’s most challenging to you? Please post your answer below.
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