Did you know that my girlfriend and I used to live thousands of miles away from each other?
Well, at least it used to be like that for over one year. Today I have the freedom to spend as much time in Asia as I want, but that was not always the case. When I got together with my girlfriend I was so broke that I couldn’t visit her for over six months.
Now you might think that I must have been completely nuts for entering a long distance relationship that forced me to take a 12 hours flight whenever I wanted to see her.
I am not even mad at you for thinking this way. When I made the decision to give it a shot and to end up in a relationship with her I also asked myself if I was out of my mind.
If you could talk to my friends they would tell you that I used to be the one who said that a long distance relationship could never work. I used to call men who were in long distance relationships disillusioned, unrealistic and naive dreamers.
I never thought that I would end up in such a relationship. I once met a girl from Poland who I was so attracted to that I couldn’t keep my fingers off her for the two weeks we spent together. When she asked me if she was my girlfriend I told her that the distance is way too far. At that time I lived in Germany and she lived in Poland. A five hour bus ride and I would have been with her.
When I met my current girlfriend in Asia, everything was different. The connection and the feelings we had for each other were so strong that entering a long distance relationship was the natural consequence. We’ve now been happily together for over a year.
During that year I learned a lot about long distance relationships. I learned what you should avoid and I learned what exactly you have to do in order to make it work. The following ten steps are the result of my own experience. I hope they can help you to improve your relationship in the same way as they improved mine.
1. Ask Yourself if She is Worth it
In case you are about to enter a long distance relationship there is one thing you have to do before you look her in the eyes and call her your girlfriend. The question I am going to ask you might sound a bit brutal, but it also has the power to prevent a lot of regret and frustration.
Is she worth it?
It’s a pretty simple question that is waiting for a simple answer. Be honest to yourself. If she is the girl of your dreams, the woman you can imagine to spend the rest of your life with and if your relationship is so harmonious that it is already scary, you can answer this question with “yes” and continue reading.
If you, however, are only together with her because you don’t want to be alone and because you are too lazy to continue to play the dating game, you should think twice before you commit to a long distance relationship.
2. Make Some Time Every Day
Is she the girl of your dreams? Do you love to spend every second of the day with her? Do you miss her as soon as you close the door behind you?
Then you are ready for the first step towards a happy and fulfilling long distance relationship.
I know that you are a busy man. You probably have a job or you might even have your own business that requires a lot of time and energy. You constantly think about your bills, about your projects and about your future.
While all those thoughts are running through your head you have to be careful that you don’t forget to think about your girlfriend who is waiting for you at the other end of the phone line and maybe even at the other end of the world.
Make some time every day. This is absolutely crucial. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time. A short text message and a five minute call are enough to remind her that she is in your thoughts.
3. Skype at Least Once a Week
Having a short phone call every day is great, but at some point you want more than just hearing her pretty voice. You also want to see her pretty face and especially her beautifully shaped body.
It’s time to get on skype!
I tried to skype with my girlfriend at least once a week. That’s the absolute minimum.
We really have to thank modern technology that allows us to hear and to see people who live thousands of miles away, without paying anything.
If you would talk to couples who tried to maintain a long distance relationship twenty years ago, they would all say that it is so much easier today. You just have to switch on your laptop or your IPad and bam…you can see the beautiful face of your loved one.
4. Treat Your Skype Dates like Real Dates
There are basically two different ways you can spend your time in front of the webcam. On the one hand, you can be the boring boyfriend who doesn’t give a shit about his appearance and who is too lazy to spice up the relationship. In this case you can simply turn on the camera before you take a shower and say “hi” to your girlfriend with the ugliest sweatpants you can find.
Please don’t complain when she doesn’t want to skype with you anymore after she has seen the spots on your pants for the third time.
On the other hand, you can be the exciting boyfriend who dresses up for her and who encourages her to do the same. In this case you are both dressed up as if you were on a real date and the whole atmosphere shifts from a boring skype call to an exciting and romantic date in front of the webcam.
5. Learn to Have Sex With the Camera
Dressing up in front of the webcam is definitely a good idea to make your skype dates more exciting and to show her that you really want to make this work. However, getting undressed can be even better than getting dressed up.
If you are in a long distance relationship it should be completely normal for you to live out your sexuality on camera.
What did you say? The idea of undressing and touching yourself in front of a camera is awkward for you? You can’t imagine making your girlfriend horny without being in the same room with her?
You are a weird person.
Don’t worry. I am just kidding. When my girlfriend and I had our first skype sex session we were laughing the whole time. It felt so weird that we almost gave up on it before we even tried it. After we had done it a few times it felt completely normal.
In case you think that getting undressed in front of a camera is a barrier that you can’t overcome I have bad news for you. Without the sexual component it is extremely hard to maintain a long distance relationship.
6. Save as Much Money as Possible
When you have a girlfriend who lives about ten miles away from you, saving money is secondary. You might need a couple of dollars for gas or for public transportation to visit her, but you don’t need to spend hundreds of dollars to have the pleasure to touch and kiss her.
When you are living in a long distance relationship with a woman who lives hundreds or even thousands of miles away, saving money should be your first priority. Believe me; you don’t want to end up being too broke to visit your girlfriend for over six months. I know how much that sucks.
7. Regular Visits are a Must
What if you have only saved up $600 dollars and the flight would cost you $500 dollars, but you would love to spend another $300 to tune your car. In this case you should think about whether new rims or your girlfriend is more important to you. In case you decide in favor of the rims, you should be honest to your girlfriend and end the relationship.
I really hope that the rims can wait and that you spend your hard-earned $500 to visit her. If you don’t visit your girlfriend on a regular basis, the relationship won’t survive. Sorry that I have to be so direct, but it is the truth.
Yes, you can survive 6 months without seeing her, but I highly doubt that you are still in love after you haven’t seen her for over two years. It is said that time heals everything. Unfortunately, time also heals you from the beautiful sickness called being in love.
8. Planning is Better than Spontaneity
After I hadn’t seen my girlfriend for over six months I wanted to surprise her. I booked the flight and an apartment without telling her. I was so excited to tell her that I would come and visit her. Of course she was happy like pig in the mud when I told her that I’ll visit her, but I could also read a bit of dismay in her face.
When I asked her if everything is alright, she told me that she has class during the time I wanted to come.
What an epic fail.
If I would have planned everything beforehand instead of booking a flight without letting her know, I could have spent 24 hours a day with her instead of just 14.
Being spontaneous is really great if you are with your girlfriend, but it is very risky if you are miles away from her. A good plan can easily lead to less expenses and more time with your loved one, while spontaneity can lead to a shocked face and awkward silence.
9. Visualize Your Goal Every Single Day
You clicked on this article and you read it up to this point. This means that you are really serious about finding out more about long distance relationships and how to make them work. That’s great but do you also know why you want this so bad.
I am sure that you love her and I am also sure that you want to be together with her, but what is the ultimate goal that you hope to achieve while maintaining this relationship?
I know that it’s not the easiest question, so please allow me to use myself as an example:
When I decided that a long distance relationship with my girlfriend was worth it, I had a concrete goal in mind. I had the goal to work my ass of and to build a business that allows me to spend the majority of my time with her. Whenever I felt down and frustrated about the current situation, I visualized this goal.
Set yourself a goal that you want to achieve and maintaining your long distance relationship will be so much easier for you. A goal gives you focus, motivation and it makes you feel alive when you finally achieve it.
10. Don’t Listen to the Naysayers
What do you think people will tell you when you let them know that you are in a long distance relationship with a woman who lives at the other end of the world?
In case you think that they will support you, tell you that it is great that you guys are trying it and that you will be successful, you are too naive for this world. You might be lucky and have one or two friends who tell you that it will work out. However, those two probably only say it because they don’t want to see you cry.
The uncomfortable truth is that 90% of people will tell you that you are crazy, that it will never work out and that you should be realistic.
“The distance is way too long. Stop dreaming!”
“I also know someone who tried that. It didn’t work out.”
Everybody knows someone who tried it and who didn’t make it. Everybody thinks that it is impossible, just because they’ve never done it. It was Arnold Schwarzenegger who said that you should stop listening to the naysayers and that he loves it when someone says it can’t be done, because then he is the first one who does it.
Listen to Mr. Schwarzenegger, but please don’t listen to the naysayers.
Maintaining a long distance relationship is not easy, but it is definitely possible. Once you are sure that she is worth it, you should make time for her every day. Skype at least once a week and transform your skype sessions into dates. Oh, and don’t feel awkward when you get naked in front of the camera. The sexual component is extremely important.
Save as much money as possible and plan to visit her regularly. Whenever you feel frustrated and whenever you think that you can’t do it, visualize your goals and derive motivation from them. Stop listening to the naysayers and proof them wrong by enjoying a happy long distance relationship.