There is no quick and easy way to get over your ex. When a relationship concludes, there is so much personal and emotional adjustment to go through, so many thoughts of wasted time, lost emotions, anger, loss, forlorn love, jealousy and envy, memories and heartache; and wading through the swamp of these emotions and thoughts without getting caught in the sludge is no easy task.

But even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, there will come a time when you’ll feel very little for the person you are currently pining after; but how can that help you right now?

Well, it can’t really. But that doesn’t mean you have to wait for time to drag its feet when it comes to healing your emotional wounds. A breakup hurts, and it hurts a lot. But that doesn’t mean it has to be a completely sombre affair. The very fact that you are no longer indentured to someone else should be exciting enough to keep you afloat during this tough time.

But if that thought isn’t comforting enough to help you bounce back a little more quickly, here are a few ways that you can make the most of your recent breakup while getting over your ex a little more easily.

Give the Relationship the Burial it Deserves

There is nothing wrong with wallowing in a little bit of self-pity for a while after a relationship has ended.

You need to allow yourself a little quiet time to feel the pain as a respectful tribute to the relationship after it has ended. The process of healing can be an ugly one and it will be filled with seemingly overwhelming levels of heartache; but this is an essential part of getting over your loss.

There is no avoiding this step. Consider all of the best times and emotions felt during your relationship. Each time you felt happy and loved, your brain started giving off waves of dopamine, and now like a nicotine addict without cigarettes anywhere nearby, you have no way of getting that fix. The result of this is a rise in stress-levels, emotional insecurities and general depression.

Allow yourself to give the relationship the emotional respect that it deserves, for the day will come when you have to put it behind you, regardless of how you feel, and carry on with life.

Stop using the word ‘mine’ or ‘my’ to describe them. They are not ‘your’ Ex… Because they do not belong to you. They never did. They are a human being and you do not possess them or own anything about them. Be aware of when you are using possessive language and opt for phrases such as ‘the girl/guy who I spent time with in the past’, instead of ‘she/he was my girlfriend/boyfriend’.

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Cut off Contact and Get Rid of Their Presence

So many people take the old ‘let’s remain friends’ route after ending a relationship, and I must say that this is a terrible idea, no matter how well you think it will work out. But why do so many couples insist on doing this?

– Because it hurts to cut people out of your life

– You’re hoping to rekindle something

– You don’t want to come across as being too cold

If you have ever had the unfortunate experience of dealing with jealousy, and have learned your lesson, you probably already know that maintaining any kind of contact is a terrible and hurtful idea (for both you and your ex).

So, ignore them on social media, unfriend them if need be; burn old photographs, give back their stuff and get as far away from them as you can.

Breaking contact will not only ensure that you don’t come across any unpleasant news about how they are moving on, but it will also limit the possibility of fruitless conversations with her about your feelings and wishes, and will give both of you the emotional space that you need to move forward.

Having a constant reminder of what the two of you once had will do neither of you any good at all.

Think About it Logically

After a breakup, it can be all too easy to spend your time remembering the best parts of your relationship. Her cute little smile, the way she loved playing PlayStation with you, the sex; all of these parts of your relationship may have been awesome, but try and remember that there is a reason the two of you broke up.

There must have been difficult moments, a reason why the two of you split up in the first place; silly fights, jealousy, cheating, things about her you wanted to change and vice versa. Remember these things too and allow yourself to feel angry at your ex for the bad times; it will help you remember the occasion with a little more realism, and will keep the breakup in perspective for you.

Try writing down what is on your mind. Be objective about it and notice when you are adding moral or value judgements. For example, the phrase ‘I currently have feelings of discomfort in my body right now’ is a factual phrase. Saying ‘I feel horrible right now’ is placing a judgement on those feelings that you have.

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Concentrate on Yourself

Every relationship comes with bundles of compromises that need to be made in order to keep the peace; so before your breakup, there must have been activities and sides to yourself that you couldn’t really explore.

Well now you can:

Play more games, go be active; explore all those sides to yourself that she never used to like. You now have the freedom to be whoever you want to be, to do whatever you want to do; take excitement in that.

This is also a good time to find out what it was about the relationship that made you feel good. Did she give you encouragement where you failed to do it for yourself? Well now is the time to find out how you can do it without her help.

Be nice to yourself, stay healthy and active, work out and give yourself a bit of a makeover if need be. Take this time to figure out who you are when you’re not shackled to someone else and work on your confidence.

Remember, you were awesome before she came along, and you still are.

Reconnect with Friends and Family

Relationships often come at the cost of quality time with friends and family, the best of which will always be there to support you through difficult times.

get over ex

Spend some time with the people who are there for you, if you need to have a diatribe about your ex with them, then do so. But more importantly, try and keep your interactions with your friends and family positive for the most part; they can be a shoulder to cry on as well as the uplifting distraction that you need.

Do Something New

One of the most difficult things about going through a breakup is the sheer amount of free time you seem to have after it is done. Those moments you spent cuddling on the couch or arguing over dinner likely took up a lot of your time.

So instead of using all of that newly acquired time to wallow in your self-pity, rather take up a new hobby or activity.

Hit the gym, go for a jog or learn a new skill. The activity will do you good, will give you a much-needed distraction, and will also make you feel better about who you are as a person (which can be essential following the slump into a low self-esteem that often follows a breakup).

Stay Busy But Stay Sober

Keeping yourself busy is a great way to stay distracted from the waves of emotion that keep coming without warning, and while you still might feel a little something while reading a book or trying to get your work done, having something else to concentrate on will really help.

get over ex

So, direct your energy towards something constructive and positive. Study harder, work more on your career and spend some time out and about, socialising with new people.

A word of warning though, it can be all too easy to succumb to the assistance and distraction offered by keeping yourself inebriated, and while it might make you feel better (sometimes indefinitely), being intoxicated is not doing you any favours in the long run.

For starters, being drunk when the emotions are fresh might just make you feel worse, or you might end up doing something stupid like calling your ex.

An even worse case scenario would be if it actually works, giving you a reason to spend as little time sober as possible. The danger here could lead to a life-long crippling addiction; a needless vice which your ex doesn’t deserve to give you.

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Terrence Kennedy
"Terrence Kennedy is the man’s man on a journey to self-discovery. A traveller, extreme sports aficionado, an observant wanderer, a DIY man, an ultimate outsider and documentarist of culture, sex, dating, relationship, fashion, style and gentleman's etiquette. He has learned a lot through his escapades, and is happy to pass that knowledge on to you.”

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